A Seattle Washington & Sowhatiff Jenkins Episode
The Plaintiff – Seattle Washington
People of the internet, visitors of the blog. I’m here today to bring to your attention some questionable practices from a company we interact with all the time. Everyday they’re decreasing numbers, intimidating witnesses and falsifying evidence all to keep their syndicate running perfectly. Who am I talking about? Women. They’re more devious than Enron, your local bookie and Dick Cheney combined. Low or high, men seem to always have a clear count of who’ve they slept with (not counting those b*tch ass dudes who inflate). Some dudes even have a resume complete with references, just in case you want to check their qualifications. We take pride in our work. But when you ask a woman how many people (not just dudes, we’re in a new era now) she’s slept with, things get fuzzier than Cleopatra Jones’s afro in high humidity.
Why is that? Hmm… Well, we here at Three Ways have heard all types of crazy ass excuses reasons why that may be. Exhibit A – I was vulnerable. I don’t really remember it. I was sleeping. It was just the tip. He was whack so it doesn’t count, etc. etc. So, I’ll ask you a question ladies. If I walk into the movies, through the doors, sit down with my popcorn, watch the opening credits and 1/2 way through the movie realize it’s whack – wasn’t I still in that movie theater? I can’t just erase that joint from my memory, I’ve got the condom wrapper ripped up ticket in my pocket to remind me.
I appeal to the courts better judgment and say that this inaccurate counting needs to stop now. If you want us to be honest with you, you’ve got to keep it real yourselves. I know there are some chicks all men would love to forget about – shudder – but hey, it happened so we have to own up to it. If we could use Hennessey as a reason to disregard certain dubious females, our numbers would surely plummet. But we can’t. And we probably wouldn’t. Because it’s been ingrained in us since kindergarten that 1+1 = 2. So if I kiss shorty by the swings, that’s 1, and her friend will surely make 2.
Seattle – I Watched A Lot of Law & Order With My Grandma – Washington
The Defendant – Sowhatiff? Jenkins
As Counselor “He still watches TV with Grandma, how cute” Washington shrewdly notes, it is true: Women do in fact alter our numbers depending on the audience we are catering to. And while this may seem “devious,” I ask that you consider the position that men, and society at large has put us in, thus leading us to this type of behavior. I’m not ducking reality here, but I ask that you reflect on the circumstances thereof.
Let’s start with language. Words like “loose,” “ho(e)”, “skeez”, “bus down”, and “scallywag”, are a few ways to refer to a woman with a “high” number of sexual partners. I put “high” in quotes because this determination varies depending on who you talk to. The point: women get judged for having more than x number of partners during y amount of years. We are supposed to keep it right and tight. A certain number of sex partners tends to lead people to believe a woman has low morals and/or standards, when reality probably indicates just the opposite. For men, another notch on the ol’ belt is note worthy and elicits praise and ego stroking (pause). Women though, aren’t praised. We are held to self imposed standards that are informed by societal (and man driven) expectations.
Men, don’t act like this behavior is merely a product of our innate female tendencies. I have had many conversations with men who prefer a woman with “low numbers.” Yep, that is correct. Low numbers. A perpetuation of the very falsities they wish to avoid. In a situation when a woman knows of this value, she may fib, and drop her number a little when the question comes up. Who is hurt by this? Not the man for sure, because he’s happy because his girl is ::insert whatever value men place on this here::. I would argue, that woman suffers a little here, because she feels like she has to deny parts of her true self to gain acceptance. Perception is reality folks.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I ask that you try this test. Think about the word “ho(e)”. Does it mean “a woman having lots of “meaningless” sex with a “high” number of men”? If you answered, yes, you have proven my point.
In closing I will say this: yes we fib about our numbers sometimes. But who’s fault is this? Arguably, not ours. As such, I propose a solution: don’t ask, don’t tell. Everybody wins.
Sowhatiff? “Why do you want to know my numbers anyway” Jenkins
And at this point, we shall let you deliberate… Let us know, what’s the verdict people?