Tag Archives: sex

Look Over Here! It’s Sex! And Funny Stuff!

Seattle: So Slim and I were chillin in the new crib the other day watching South Park, drinking some new age bougie concoction that Slim created and talking sh*t, as usual.

Slim: The bougie concoction is a recipe stolen from a tropical island where I was fanned by exotic women and fed fruits never before seen.

All of a sudden, Slim starts dying. Not dying like the time I was choking on some food and he remained aloof as I begged God for my life and watched the years pass by in front of my eyes, but dying laughing.

I thought you were attempting to exaggerate your laughter. I was wondering why you were slapping the table. I know the joke I made at the time was funny…but not that funny.

Still a bastard. Anyway, it’s a commercial. Probably one of the funniest commercials I’ve seen in a long time.

In usual comedic fashion, we try to one up each other (Slim says Pause). I show him something a friend of mine sent me awhile ago (Shout out to Still Dutty Entertainment). Also quite funny, plus I think it encapsulates the essence of Three Ways To Take It.

So without much more jibber jabber, we present to you “2 Girls 1 Cup”!

Just kidding. 2 (hilarious) videos 1 site. 2+1=3 Ways to Take It

This chick needs more than glasses…

Three Ways To Take It’s Side Gig:

three-ways-side-gig1

Click, download, and view. You will have ab cramps from laughter. Unfortunately, WordPress.com doesn’t let us upload mpeg’s. That’s part of the reason we takin this show elsewhere!

Have a great weekend and use protection (Unless you love each other).

Seattle and Slim

Sometimes We Just Gotta Slide Off

**Calls enormous steroid abusing body guards, straps on bullet proof vest, steps into bullet proof bubble and surveys the surroundings . Okay, I think I’m safe**

Why do men cheat?

Yeah, I know. This is a dangerous topic. I’ve seen it covered on other blogs and it never seems to get old. At the request of a few readers, I’m sacrificing myself to the masses to talk about it. Let’s get into it…

We like buns. The end.

Just kidding. We all know dudes with chicks that can’t help but to sample new goods. I’ve heard people argue that “once a cheater, always a cheater”. I disagree. Ill acknowledge that there are people addicted to sex that really can’t help themselves. I’ll also acknowledge that there are dudes who aren’t really happy in their relationships physically, mentally, and/or emotionally that wander elsewhere in hopes of getting what they deserve or desire. They’re bad at picking women and run into the same problem over and over again. This means they stray over and over again. Thus, it appears that “once a cheater, always a cheater”.

But what about the rest of us? Most of the dudes I know with an affinity for buns know better than to get a girlfriend in the first place. If homie knows he’s a hot commodity, he’ll play the field longer than Cal Ripken unless he gets injured (a la she’s pregnant, he gets clapped in the non-violent way, or some other unforseen circumstance like falling in love however unlikely that may be.). I’d say that as men get older, the reasons for cheating change. Aside from loving love canal, things really may be missing from the relationship. This is a different type of cheating. Here are some examples:

Hobby and Interest Support Deficit

Larry is dating Marissa. Marissa nags him all the time. She always has time to be out and about with her girls, but won’t come to any of Larry’s summer league basketball games. Larry meets Tanya, who happens to love basketball and takes an interest in Larry’s life in general. They play a little one on one. Larry shoots and scores in more ways than one. Larry feels bad, but not too bad and Tanya put in some work that must be rewarded. Larry continues to dunk on Tanya which takes stress out of his relationship with Marissa. He’s been with Marissa for a year and doesn’t know if Tanya is moving to Texas so he doesn’t bother to tell Marissa.

Self-Health and Maintenance Deficit

Marquis is a pretty boy. He consistently has girls approaching him. One chick, Latisha, somehow gets him to commit. He keeps being approached by other chicks. Latisha is happy to show him off, but gets comfortable and puts on 15 lbs. in the wrong places. Chicks that now look like what Latisha used to look like keep approaching him. Latisha continues to expand horizontally. Marquis caves under the pressure and decides to explore another cave.

Attention and Physical Appearance Deficit

Johnny lives in Knoxville. Debbie lives in Dallas. Debbie appears to be preoccupied with other things and makes herself scarcely available and refuses to travel. Johnny gets tired of cranking them out solo. He gets some assistance from Ally who liked his swag. Johnny is now relieved and able to tolerate his situation with Debbie. Debbie turns out to be a skeeze and appears on porntube.com without his her permission. Johnny is not as embarrassed since he had already enlisted the services of someone equally as talented.

Now there are other reasons and scenarios that lead men to different water theme parks. The most typical answer to all of this is “Just stop dealing with the significant other. Gosh.” Sometimes it’s really not that simple for men. Call it cowardice, and we’ll call it convenient or necessary. But yeah, it’s not always that we can’t help ourselves because we’re men. There are other factors. What do yall think?

Interpreting the Shady Since 1983,

Do You Want To Have Sex Or Not?

A Little Something From Seattle

After Tiff’s last post it only seems appropriate, or highly inappropriate, or serve this one up.  I mean, it’s such a simple question, it grabs your attention and yet no one really uses it.  I don’t know why, because it would save us all a lot of trouble.  I was talking with my friend Portland, yep that Portland, from work about a situation that occurred with him and I realized there are so many instances to use this.  Events would be a lot less awkward and chock full of sexual tension.  If only it were socially acceptable for a dude, or woman, to just ask this without getting an eye roll, smacked, put on blast or, worse yet, ruining your chances to get the buns in the future…

For example, you may find yourself in a situation where you’re chillin once again with your usual flirt buddy, only to see her flirting with the next cat later on in the night.  Cool.  Keep it moving mane.  She isn’t your girl, but hey, all this confusion could’ve been prevented if someone just asked – do you want to have sex or not?  If so, let’s bounce while this Henny is still in my system.  If not, I’ll let this Henny mojo work magic on your quiet, but cute, friend over there.  

Or say you’ve been on a date a few times and your soon to be horizontal dance partner is a little shy.  You can see it in their eyes that they want to move forward, but their mind won’t let them.  That’s cool.  Everyone needs time.  But hey, it should be known.  Are you trying your hand at celibacy or are you trying to build the suspense like a Hitchcock movie?  Should l chill and break you off with a piece of my Kit Kat bar later or should I be someone else’s Mr. Goodbar?

And it’s not just us, ladies.  I’m sure there are plenty of times where you want to just ask that dude who you’ve been eyeing across the way at the sports bar, do you want to have sex or not?  Lord knows, you can’t stand to watch the Giants stomp all over the Seahawks any longer and you’d rather be watching another kind of receiving and returning.  Trust us, we’d appreciate the honesty.  Plus, we probably didn’t even notice you.  You’re sitting in front of the TV that has the AFC game on.  But hey, Sunday sex is great sex.

Just my thoughts people.  Let me know, is this question valid and can it really be used by both sexes?  While we’re here, what are some other instances when you’ve just wanted to say, “do you want to have sex or not?”

Seattle – I May Just Start Saying That Soon – Washington

Size of the Boat, Motion in the Ocean, Or Neither?

By Sowhatiff Jenkins

Don’t get all coy on me.  I don’t know how conversations about sex goes down between dudes, if at all.  Pause. But I can assure you that this question almost always comes up between women in one form or another.  There is some almost automatic curiosity that surfaces when one finds out that her homegirl has got down with the get down with a new man.  Or even with established relationships, we just “need” to know how ol’ dude is betwixt the sheets.  This then leads to questions about whether a good lay is determined more so by the actions and/or size of the boat, or does it have more to do with a woman’s connection to the captain of the ship.

In this age of the “progressive” woman, it would not be surprising to come across a woman that holds firm to the idea that sex is purely physical for her.  Somehow she has found the formula that women have been looking for years, that allows her to keep pumps from getting all mixed up in emotions.

While I believe that this can be done, I wonder how long this can last.  For example, a woman and man have developed a working “thronxing” relationship.  They call each other up when there’s an itch to be scratched, handle business, and chuck the deuces.  For the man in this situation, it is expected that he can keep it at sex.  For the woman though, can she maintain this detachment for the duration of the sexual relationship?  Or does she develop feelings for him at some point?  Or if not him, does she search for an emotional connection else where?

When talking about this with my homies, it is the general consensus that woman enjoy sex more when they are emotionally bonded the to man.  This is not to say that pumps sans love and all that can’t be head board breaking fulfilling.  But can it be totally fulfilling?  Do women, in the backs of their minds, say “Damn, that was good, but something was missing?”

Of course this is a very individual thing, but there is a lot of good anecdotal evidence to support the idea that women, while they can talk the talk, can’t walk that same sex-is-just-as-good-without-emotions-walk as men.

Or do men walk this walk all the time?  Is it just that you can get your rocks off nice and good when you don’t really care about a broad woman, but enjoy sex even more with your boo-boo?  Let’s hear it.

That’s a Nice Shirt, Now Take It Off

A Little Something From Seattle

Sex sells.  Literally and figuratively.  Shoot, it’s been that way since the dawn of time.  Y’know Eve was naked when she asked Adam to take a bite of that apple, right?  Exactly.  And we all know how that ended up.  We’ve all bought, done and not done a lot of things for some buns (or hot dogs for those of you out there).  Aristotle Onassis was right when he said, “If women didn’t exist, money would have no meaning.”  

Think about it, you think I look this fresh for no reason?  Homie, if women found cardboard boxes sexy guess who’d be rocking the latest in bum fashion?  Yeah.  Forget going to Supreme or Brooks Brothers, depending on what circle you’re in, dudes would be hitting up UHaul all the time for the latest gear.  Then again, fashion has always been a culprit of using the goodies to sell their goods.  And with the economy failing and sales flattening for most clothing manufacturers and retailers, their sex drive has gone into hyper speed.  

It’s no joke.  If you take a look at the sites below you can see these clothing companies are getting quite randy.  First, light a candle, pull out the incense and throw on your slow jams, it’s going to be a wild ride…

 

Faux Porn

Unbutton Your Beast

 

Seattle & His Better 2/3 of the Three Ways Crew

So…What Are We?

By Slim Jackson

“Umm, we need to talk.”

I’d say most men hate hearing this. It’s the moment of truth comment when we been kickin it with a chick without discussing the status of our relationship. She’s had enough of the late night talks and lovin sessions with no clear relationship title in sight. A lot of us can be involved with a woman, be affectionate, and really not consider it a monogamous relationship. Some of us can be in the “talking” phase for months…or years if women let us. But at what point does talking become a committed relationship? In my opinion, it isn’t a relationship until both of us agree that we either wanna have our cake, or eat it (As usual, get your mind out of the gutter.).

Men have a stealthy way of avoiding this conversation. Sometimes we can sense it approaching. Shorty will start using affectionate names, or introduce us to people high on the significance hierarchy. They may ask us to attend events or engage in activities that are typical of people in a relationship. She may even say “baby, just put it in” with no latex on that thang after using the proper protective measures on a regular basis. Women use a lot of trickery at times to lure a dude into a relationship or see exactly where his head is (ta he he). Some of us recognize it and dodge the faithful bullet, others fall victim and wonder how they ended up with that ankle bracelet wrapped ever so tightly on one leg, while the ball and chain drag along on the other.

It’s a blurry line. For those women that assume optimistically that dude wants to be there for the long hall, it seems obvious. For dudes that dodge the talk, it seems obvious…that “we just talkin and kickin it”. Some women accept the situation for what it is, and if it doesn’t pop off after a certain amount of time they move on. I guess in terms of when talking becomes a relationship, there really are three ways to take it. What do yall think?

Avoiding Relationship Talk Since 1983,

That’s Cool, but How Many People Have You Really Slept With?

A Seattle Washington & Sowhatiff Jenkins Episode

The Plaintiff – Seattle Washington

People of the internet, visitors of the blog.  I’m here today to bring to your attention some questionable practices from a company we interact with all the time.  Everyday they’re decreasing numbers, intimidating witnesses and falsifying evidence all to keep their syndicate running perfectly. Who am I talking about? Women.  They’re more devious than Enron, your local bookie and Dick Cheney combined.  Low or high, men seem to always have a clear count of who’ve they slept with (not counting those b*tch ass dudes who inflate).  Some dudes even have a resume complete with references, just in case you want to check their qualifications.  We take pride in our work.  But when you ask a woman how many people (not just dudes, we’re in a new era now) she’s slept with, things get fuzzier than Cleopatra Jones’s afro in high humidity.

Why is that?  Hmm…  Well, we here at Three Ways have heard all types of crazy ass excuses reasons why that may be.  Exhibit A – I was vulnerable.  I don’t really remember it.  I was sleeping.  It was just the tip.  He was whack so it doesn’t count, etc. etc.  So, I’ll ask you a question ladies.  If I walk into the movies, through the doors, sit down with my popcorn, watch the opening credits and 1/2 way through the movie realize it’s whack – wasn’t I still in that movie theater?  I can’t just erase that joint from my memory, I’ve got the condom wrapper ripped up ticket in my pocket to remind me.

I appeal to the courts better judgment and say that this inaccurate counting needs to stop now.  If you want us to be honest with you, you’ve got to keep it real yourselves.  I know there are some chicks all men would love to forget about – shudder but hey, it happened so we have to own up to it.  If we could use Hennessey as a reason to disregard certain dubious females, our numbers would surely plummet.  But we can’t.  And we probably wouldn’t.  Because it’s been ingrained in us since kindergarten that 1+1 = 2.  So if I kiss shorty by the swings, that’s 1, and her friend will surely make 2.

Thank you.

Seattle – I Watched A Lot of Law & Order With My Grandma – Washington

 

The Defendant – Sowhatiff? Jenkins

As Counselor “He still watches TV with Grandma, how cute” Washington shrewdly notes, it is true: Women do in fact alter our numbers depending on the audience we are catering to.  And while this may seem “devious,” I ask that you consider the position that men, and society at large has put us in, thus leading us to this type of behavior. I’m not ducking reality here, but I ask that you reflect on the circumstances thereof.

Let’s start with language.  Words like “loose,” “ho(e)”, “skeez”, “bus down”, and “scallywag”, are a few ways to refer to a woman with a “high” number of sexual partners.  I put “high” in quotes because this determination varies depending on who you talk to.  The point:  women get judged for having more than x number of partners during y amount of years.  We are supposed to keep it right and tight.  A certain number of sex partners tends to lead people to believe a woman has low morals and/or standards, when reality probably indicates just the opposite.  For men, another notch on the ol’ belt is note worthy and elicits praise and ego stroking (pause). Women though, aren’t praised.  We are held to self imposed standards that are informed by societal (and man driven) expectations.

Men, don’t act like this behavior is merely a product of our innate female tendencies.  I have had many conversations with men who prefer a woman with “low numbers.”  Yep, that is correct.  Low numbers.  A perpetuation of the very falsities they wish to avoid.   In a situation when a woman knows of this value, she may fib, and drop her number a little when the question comes up.  Who is hurt by this?  Not the man for sure, because he’s happy because his girl is ::insert whatever value men place on this here::.  I would argue, that woman suffers a little here, because she feels like she has to deny parts of her true self to gain acceptance.  Perception is reality folks.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I ask that you try this test.  Think about the word “ho(e)”.  Does it mean “a woman having lots of “meaningless” sex with a “high” number of men”? If you answered, yes, you have proven my point.

In closing I will say this: yes we fib about our numbers sometimes.  But who’s fault is this?  Arguably, not ours.  As such, I propose a solution: don’t ask, don’t tell.  Everybody wins.

Good day.

Sowhatiff? “Why do you want to know my numbers anyway” Jenkins

 

 

And at this point, we shall let you deliberate…  Let us know, what’s the verdict people?