Tag Archives: love

We Be Hatin’

By Slim Jackson

A couple weeks ago I was out with the fellas at an east coast college. They were opening for a poppin and pizzlin hip hop artist that we all know, and I was there to support and hold my Flip video camera in the air to get some blog-worthy footage. Without going into too much detail, the show was great. I’ve been to a few shows they’ve rocked out at, and it’s been a lot of fun. After seeing them perform in front of primarily white institutions and crowds more heavily sprinkled with Black and Hispanic folk, I’ve come to a crucial conclusion…

White people really know how to have unrestricted fun. Black folks really know how to hate.

Let’s face it. We’re quicker to find fault with other Black folk than we are to give credit and accolade where it’s due. When I’m at these concerts, there are clear demographic differences. I can see the hundreds or thousands of white people throwing their hands in the air and having a good time. I can also see a significant chunk of the small segment of Black and Hispanic people watching first with a critical eye and looking for an excuse to say the show was wack. They’re usually the people with arms folded, staring up at the stage, and consistently whispering in the ear of whoever they came to the show with. Now this isn’t to say that all Black people are naturally haters, but sometimes it’s like something extra needs to be proved before people will just accept the fact that someone is cool, good at what they do, or whatever. This isn’t even a competitive circumstance! Competition? That’s a different story…

Don’t even get me started on how competition increases the hate exponentially. All we need to do is look at a group of women who are all interested in the same dude. Welcome to New Hate City….Welcome to New Hate Citttttayy! We can even look at the dude that’s baggin chicks without any reputable reason. “That negro just be out there munchin box or wearin Greek letters. He wouldn’t be baggin otherwise.” But yeah, we be hatin’. It’s kinda reckless. If people spent as much time looking at themselves as they spent criticizing others who are making moves in the bedroom, the world would be a much happier place. Then again, I guess there will always be crabs in the barrel…I ain’t tryna get pinched though.

Slim “The Plumber” Jackson

The House, The Boat, The Car…

Lately, I’ve been diving deeper into the wonderful world of blogs and forums. I’ve read a lot of entries, a lot of ignorant and ridiculous comments, and scratched my head a lot of times. As I sat here wondering what I wanted to eat (Get your mind out of the gutter!), I also began wondering what exactly is it that women want nowadays? And for the purpose of this entry, women will be used to describe females over the age of 18 20.

Remember that song “No Scrubs” by TLC? If not, you suck. Take a look at the snippet below from the lyrics:

Chilli:
If you don’t have a car and you’re walking
Chilli & T-boz & left eye:
Oh yes son I’m talkin’ to you
Chilli:
If you live at home wit’ your momma
Chilli ,T-boz &Left Eye:
Oh yes son I’m talkin’ to you (baby)
Chilli:
If you have a shorty but you don’t show love
Chilli ,T-boz &Left Eye:
Oh yes son I’m talkin’ to you
Chilli:
Wanna get with me with no money
Oh no I don’t want no (oh)

Okay, so the members of TLC didn’t want a dude that had no job or car, lived at home, and probably didn’t have much money. Now how about this snippet from the Destiny’s Child song called “Soldier”:

We like them boys that be in them ‘lacs leaning
(leaning)
Open they mouth they grill gleaming (gleaming)
Candy paint keep that wheel clean and
(clean and)
They always be talking that country slang,
we like
They keep that beat that be in the back beating
(beating)
Eyes be so low from that chiefin’ (chiefin’)
I love how he keep my body screaming
(screaming)
A rude boy that’s good to me with
street credibility

Okay, so these were grown women singing about wanting a dude with grillz, iced out chains, block party sound system, street cred, weed, and good bedroom antics. This verse didn’t say anything about having a legal gig. Rude boy is code for “I want a rough fellow that will probably commit crimes and slide off, but his pummel game and G game are mean”.

So what is it that women really want nowadays? At what point will concessions be made? What if dude has a job, car, and apartment, but his face isn’t quite where you need it to be? What if you think he’s the sexiest thing in the world with the perfect key for your lock, but he’s living with moms and just has a bus pass? What if he has the house, the boat, the car and some other women too? What if he has everything you ever dreamed or stayed up talking to your girls about while holding pillows…except a piece that packs a potent punch or poor face game? I ask again…what the eff do yall want?!

I would ask the fellas what they want, but we’re such easy creatures to please. Simply stated, we don’t want Noooooooo, Pigeeeoooooons (No No).

Trying to Increase My Estrogen Aptitude,

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From Your Favorite Blogger Wearing a Suit to Work,

The Strong Black Woman Strikes (out) Again

By Sowhatiff Jenkins

We all know at least one. She comes in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes, she’s well educated and dons a bunch of expensive letters behind her name. If she’s not formally educated, she can still school you on a bunch of things. She comes in the form of your mother, auntie, sister, or play cousin. She works out at your gym, and sits across from you on the train. Yep. She’s everywhere and to some, she’s intimidating.

There is always talk about how hard it is out here for a pimp for the black man, and I would never deny that. While I too get crooked looks from certain people when I enter certain places, I don’t evoke the same “fear” that a black man does, so I get this struggle.

But for many black women (and I’m sure women in general), particularly those with a sense of confidence and an aura of strength about her, we too evoke fear in the hearts of, dare I say it…men (and each other, but that’s for another entry), and thus we face a different struggle. In order to get to a place of stability and success, we have to develop certain characteristics about us to aid in the journey. As I’ve noted in a previous entry, our success doesn’t (always) equal less of a desire to feel like a woman, or to be taken care of, and walk beside a strong man.

If this is so, why is it that so many women find themselves being “saved” by the men they deal with or even are in love with? Maybe its never happened to you, but I have heard of so many dudes playing the superhero role by telling a woman what she “needs” by saying that she doesn’t need, or shouldn’t want to be with him. His justification is often riddled in a list of things that she “should” be concerned about relating to his potential as compared to hers. “What will your friends think?” “You need to be with someone more like you.” “I won’t be able to give you what you need.”

Reactions to these types of sentiments should be taken in the context in which they were expressed. For example, if a woman is in a relationship with a man and has expressed things to him that she wishes were different, be it his job, benefits package (no pun), choice of residence, etc., and he brings up this “let me save you” bit, then okay, maybe he is doing what she should do on her own. (Its probably best that she let him go because its may not to work out anyway.) Sidenote: Remember ladies, do not try to change a man, or mold him into what you want him to be…it’s not going to happen.

However, if a woman has not expressed such sentiments, and a man takes on this role on his own, it leaves one to wonder about the source of this new found altruism. Is the man doing so because he thinks he is doing what his woman wants him to do? Is he really saving her, or is he saving himself? Is he “protecting” her because he fears (men have those, right?) that, even though she loves him for “what and who he is” now, that she will one day feel differently? Is he trying to push her away because he feels that he isn’t good enough for her i.e. he feels less than super confident in his potential and/or progress as compared to hers? Or does he need something more from his love interest to make him feel more like a manly man?

I don’t know the answer to these questions, and I would love the male perspective on some of the possible answers.

And for you ladies; What is a woman to do when she is confronted with this age old, “it’s not you, it’s me,” dilemma? Does she heed his warnings? Or should she ignore them at the risk of losing him anyway? Should she just bounce to look for something “better” and find lameness instead (or worse, that there are no real alternatives)?  What about changing her standards?

Let the games begin…

How to Become a Man’s Best Female Friend

By Slim Jackson

Since we’re on a roll with blog entries, I figured I’d continue in style and attack a topic very close to the heart of many girls/women..the decent looking female that has a lot of guy friends. You know who I’m talkin about. Don’t kid yourself ladies! You know who she is, because you are her or you don’t like her. She’s the chick who happens to be close friends with ya man, or the dude you’ve been chasing that won’t take notice of your efforts. She’s successfully cracked the passcode that has allowed her to almost become “one of the fellas”. Regardless of which side you’re on, this can be extremely frustrating. I’ve heard both sides of the table. I’ve read quite an amazing blog entry that explains the cunning “good friend” that lurks in the shadows waiting to lay claim to her throne. Have mercy should the female be more than a 6.5 on the attractive scale. I chose that number arbitrarily by the way.

The fact of the matter remains that she is either perceived as a great friend, or the worst enemy. Yes, she has other female friends that like her and understand why she has the friends she does. Chances are a lot of women don’t like her friends either. Then again, do any women more than 1 degree of separation apart like each other initially? Most likely not.

Now I’m not disputing that there aren’t women that are dripping with greeze. It’s obvious in many a movie and a many a story that has been told. It’s no secret that women possess a certain level of calculated cold-heartedness that is borderline scary. How do you distinguish between the heroes and the villains? Quite honestly, I’m not sure that you can.

There’s a saying to the effect of “Keep your friends close. Keep your enemies even closer.” Now it does suck to have to assume that other women are automatic enemies. I parallel this slightly with racism. It’s a competition for limited resources, especially if it rings true that “there aren’t that many good guys out there.”, that can fuel hatred of your fellow XY. I know that I’m a good dude, so is Seattle. I don’t think Sowhatiff would have teamed up with us if we were the men that you have collectively gotten used to.

Rather than be angry at another woman you barely know and keep tabs on her Facebook or Myspace page, you should focus on cracking that code. After all, men are simple creatures. We often live to eat, sleep, beat, skeet, then sleep some more. I know that’s abrasive and raunchy and everything else that’s wrong, but unfortunately and fortunately it’s true. With that being said, you can become that best friend, or at least move up the ladder a few rungs. Some of you will use this advice as knowledge to unleash your true evil potential. Please don’t. I know you will do it anyway. Please don’t. But anyway, here are some tips:

  • Don’t ask questions about favorite colors and other petty things thinking that you are really getting to know him. A fashionable dude may like certain color schemes. His apperance is important, so take notice that he values that. Cop that shirt for him that matches his fitted! If you’re broke, show him where you saw the shirt.
  • Don’t ask too many questions about that female friend. He will get annoyed and assume jealously. I’m not saying don’t ask any questions. You have a right to know how long she has been around and how they met. I suggest you ask those same questions about his male friends as well. Otherwise, cool your f*ckin jets chill out. You can learn a lot if you’re patient enough to observe why she plays such a big role in his life. No more of this “I ain’t comparing myself to any other woman” or “Don’t compare me to other women, cuz I’m not them” shit. Suck it up Sacrifice the ego for a bit and learn something.
  • Sex is superb. It’s not the cure all (to most), but it’s good. Don’t use it to make yall closer. His female friend didn’t need to…hopefully. If you aren’t dating this guy and you start your fight for his best friend status by letting him dive into your pool of love, you may be relegated to a late night resource…even if you put it on him.
  • Don’t pick fights to ignite passion in the relationship because if she is close enough, he will ask her for advice on how to handle you. You want him to ask you how to make things better. Communication is clutch. The less hands in your relationship, the better off anyway.
  • Stay out of his phone! If you try to be Monk or Psych long enough, you will find something to twist and support your claims. Then again, you may have a reason to be suspicious. I wanna say use good judgment, but that’s relative to the individual. How about don’t OD? Eh, that doesn’t work either. Oh well.

To summarize, you can become his best friend if you’re not already. There are some sacrifices that need to be made for the greater good. Stop worrying about what other women are doing. Because if you are doing everything in your power to be a good friend to the your guy/the guy you have been pursuing, you shouldn’t have to spend your time angry at other chicks. I could list some other suggestions, but I’m curious to see what everybody thinks of these. Feedback is crucial! The floor is open for discussion…