Call Me Racist But…

Some things should be left to certain people. You don’t see me over here trying to open up an Irish pub called Seattle O’Leary’s do you? Wait, wait… I’m getting ahead of myself a little bit. Let me back up and set the story for y’all.

Slim and I were roaming around this past weekend, looking for food, depreciating the value of the neighborhood we were in with every step that we took. After scouring the block for a place with some decent grub, we stumbled upon a pizza place. A small Mom & Pop pizza joint where the ovens had more space than the customers. Now perhaps this is my prejudiced New York side coming out, but does anyone else expect a pizza place to be owned by Italians? Or at least managed by Italians? Well to my surprise it was owned and maintained by Eastern Europeans. Really son? You’re not even close to Italian. If I wanted some premium vodka I would’ve looked to Russia, right now I just I want some good pizza. Hence why I turned to my Mediterranean friends. And why I abruptly turned around and bounced. When I grew up, if you walked into a Chinese takeout spot everyone there was Chinese. To my knowledge anyway. Same thing with the local pizza shop or the bodega. Now when I stroll into joints, things are all messed up.

Well, this wasn’t just an isolated incident. Around the corner from where I used to live, there’s a bodega owned by some East Africans. In another neighborhood I used to reside, there was another pizza joint owned by Russians. I swear they just reheated some DiGiornio’s and threw it in a box… Think the best example of this type of culture confusion happened awhile ago after a crazy night at a local bar. Some friends and I busted into a Mexican Pizza place owned by Middle Eastern people. Yeah. Let me say that again for you. It was a spot that served both Mexican and Italian food and it was owned by Middle Eastern people. It was either the ninth wonder of the world or the seventh ring of hell depending on how you look at it. Or what you ordered. Like the pizza that tasted like cardboard with Spaghetti O’s on top.

Now, I still eat Qdoba and Domino’s every now again. When I feel like clogging my arteries. And I try my hand at making stir fry knowing damn well, I have no connection to Asian culture. America is all about appropriating food and other parts of other folks’ culture. I dig that. That’s why I can buy Goya and Lo Mein noodles all at the same grocery store. But the blatant deceiving, c’mon man? At least be honest. If I saw a sign that said “Russian Remixed Pizza” or even, “You’d Have to be Really Drunk to Enjoy This”, I’d appreciate the honesty. I’d keep it moving, but I appreciate the honesty. Don’t try and fake the funk and sell me some food that you and I know isn’t up to par.

All I’m saying is some things should be left to their owners. But if anyone wants to open an Irish pub that sells Jamaican beef patties and a mean chicken fried rice, holla at me. We can build.

Seattle – Sometimes They Call Me Marco Polo – Washington

Milk in their Coffee? How About Chocolate Milk?

By Slim Jackson

Sowhatiff made you take it, so now it’s my turn to give it to you. It only hurts for a second. Pause…and breath…and Pause.

To date, I haven’t been a man that discriminates. Though I’ve refined my taste like a triple distilled vodka, I still don’t pay too much attention when I see an interracial couple. Black Guy with a White Girl? It’s whatever. Appears to be pretty common. White Guy with a Black Girl, ehh…maybe she gave up hope, was adopted by white parents, or went to a very liberal college, but that’s OK as well. I was in NYC recently and noticed an abnormally large number of interracial couples. Yes, NYC is huge. It is indeed a melting pot. But when I walk less than a half mile and see 5 interracial couples, I do wonder what’s changed over the years.

One thing that has gotten to me is the level of attention and unpleasantries that Black men receive from Black women when they date White/anything other than Black or Hispanic. Sowhatiff has already introduced the subject. Special thanks to her for that. But honestly, what’s the big deal? Most of us, male and female from wherever, want to find somebody that we love and can vibe with. We don’t want to come home and fight everyday with our significant other. That’s simply not the move. Lets face it. Men naturally have more options. That’s not even a horse worth beating while it lays on the ground twitching and etching closer to being reunited with its family in that big farm in the sky. It’s only natural that we will see what’s swimming in the sea, because more times that not, we can do what we want. Women can exercise these same rights if they/you so choose, but for whatever reason don’t. I guess it has something to do with self-preservation of one’s people? But even that is beside the point. I wanted to take some time to refute a few misconceptions.

“A Black man that dates anything else is lookin’ for the easy way out.”

I’ve heard this one many times. Even Sowhatiff has had the thought cross her mind. The logic is inherently negative. Anyone who says this is conceding that Black women are more difficult to deal with, and that it takes a real man to forge a long lasting relationship with a Strong Black woman (You’d think Barack would have bigger muscles and chest hair given who his wife is). Who wants to enter a relationship knowing it’s going to be a Siberian Death Match before one sees the silver lining? It shouldn’t start off as an uphill battle, and if it does, it’ll probably go downhill pretty quickly. That whole “he ain’t a real man” logic is bogus ladies. You need to erase it from your database. We just want to be happy like you do, and not limit ourselves in the process if we should decide to date elsewhere. No, you don’t have to do our laundry, but Katie and Becky are willing to help us maintain a tidy apartment (Who said stereotypes couldn’t be fun when used properly?)

“That n*gga ain’t really Black. Must be from the ‘burbs. Carlton Banks lookin muhfugga”

We’re a product of our environment. If a Black man should happen to be from the suburbs and frequently dates outside of his race, it’s possible that it’s because that’s what he knows. It probably means his parents are fairly successful in whatever they do. You know that if you were married and making the big bucks, you would not be livin’ in the hood. Let’s be real. Your kids would be in a good school and you would have to ingrain “find someone who looks like you” from a young age and hope they stick to it. And any time you try to beat something into a kid’s head, you always run the risk of having them rebel. i.e. Julie with the racist father sneaks off with young Alonzo late in the night for a hotel party. Alonzo is later arrested in Georgia for statutory rape.

“He doesn’t really think that he’s Black. He needs to recognize where he came from.”

This one is kind of a rehash of the first and 2nd points. Difference is what people perceive his standpoint to be, compared to what others think of him. Who you date is not a representation of what you think of your race. It doesn’t matter if you’re a professional athlete, actor, model, lawyer, doctor, or whatever. This isn’t to say that when Black men become successful (How do we define success for that matter?) they all go straight for the White women. It happens that way sometimes, and I know better than to won’t speak on that. However, I can say that social status changes who you are around on a regular basis. Consequently, if you are highly successful and are constantly surrounded by successful people, you will probably have an interest in one of them regardless of race. And before you start trippin’, yes…there are a lot of successful Black women out there who deserve exquisite treatment. I appreciate your hard work. I did watch Something New.

My word count for this entry is gettin’ out of control. If you don’t agree with me, fine. Voice it in your comments. Slim Jackson is only one man. Hopefully you can appreciate my perspective. If not, I know where to find someone who doesn’t look like me that will…just kidding. Luv ya!