By Slim Jackson
There are things that make me happy. There are things that make me smile. There are things that make me feel like life is extra peachy and things couldn’t be better. Then there are things that piss me the eff off! Whether I’m walking up the street, sitting on the train, out at a restaurant, or out at a club, there are things that make me wanna shout obscenities or ball up my hand, cock (ultra pause) back my arm, and punch somebody in the throat then ask them to speak to me. The following is a list of things that piss me off. They are in no particular order because they probably piss me off equally. Let the ranting begin…
People using cell phones as a boom box.
I hate when I’m on a bus or train and hear music that isn’t coming from the headphones of someone’s Ipod, Zune, or other musical device. Even if it’s a song that I like, I get equally as pissed off when I look over and see that it’s coming from somebody’s cell phone. This anger is intensified when it’s a young unkempt black guy blasting a song laced with profanities and those in a 10-15 radius are looking appalled. I won’t lie. When I’m in my Altima, I blast these same songs while I’m driving…usually with the windows up because I either have the AC or heat on. But when I’m on public transit or in a very public place, I don’t need to see you nodding your head to your cell phone beyond what’s in your ringtone. I can deal with it for 10 seconds, but not 3 minutes and 45 seconds. Turn that ish off before I punch you in the face have to ask you to turn it off!
N*gga This, N*gga That
This is major problem when I’m on or waiting for public transit. I hate when I’m surrounded by a number of easy-going or professionally dressed white folk and I hear Black or Hispanic folk going nuts with the N-word. There was a time where I was on the subway cringing as the “civil” folks looked to me as if they were quietly saying “That’s your people.” while an ambiguous minority dropped the N-word about 20 times in 60 seconds. As much as I wanted to throw a dagger between the dude’s eyes, I could do little more than act slightly uncomfortable in order to differentiate myself from the ignorant fellow. I nearly got off the train 2 stops early just to get away, but fortunately his stop came up first. When he exited, I took the monkey off my back and placed it on the seat next to me.
Fast Food Drive Thru
They really don’t treat your food the same when they know you’re sitting in your car. If it McDonalds, I get half a thing of fries. I gotta knock on the little glass and ask them to fill it up like I’m in New Jersey getting some gas. If it’s Taco Bell, my Mexican pizza or taco supreme happens to look a little bit sloppier than when I’m in there standing at the counter making sure they don’t do something foul or act haphazardly.
Facebook Statuses Detailing All the Events of One’s Life that Should Be Kept Private
No wonder you’re consistently complaining about being single. I wouldn’t wanna have to deal with you running to your computer every effin time we have a disagreement, or every time your mood changes. If you really want people to ask you what’s wrong, go to an Alcoholics Anonymous group therapy session. You’ll get all the attention you need. I’ve learned more about your relationships and personality via your status and away message updates than he’s probably learned thronxing you snuggling with you at night in real life.
Lack of Driver Acknowledgement When I Wave You Through into Traffic
Mofo, I was nice enough to not block you from getting onto the main road from your one way side street or driveway. The least you can do is quickly put up a hand and maybe a fake smile to acknowledge my good deed. I want to feel good knowing I’ve helped make your life easier, if even only for 2 seconds. When you don’t acknowledge me and speed away, I want my car to turn into a monster truck so it can crush you.
Pedestrians That Think They Are Invincible or Entitled to Cross the Street
Do you want to die? I don’t see a Mario Brothers’ star anywhere. You aren’t flashing colors and I don’t hear any speedy music symbolizing your invincibility. Cars hurt, idiot. You’re lucky I don’t drink and drive usually.
Groupies with College Degrees
You or your parents spent all that money on college, and you’re chasing an effin tour bus? SMH. By the way, did I tell you that I have friends in the music industry? You wanna meet them? Well, everything has a price…
These are just a few things that piss me off. What pisses you off? Keep it clean folks. Don’t make us have to moderate!
Consistently Angry and Always Black,