Watch Out For the Big Girls

This week’s link is brought to you by Sowhatiff Jenkins

Yall know that saying right? It goes “The bigger they are, the harder they fall.” Well dammit if this video doesn’t bring that to life. I pray that you have headphones or something at your desk or cubicle, because the sound in this video is simply hilarious. If not, the image will still have you rollin. (Give it some time to load and fast forward to 2:35)

I don’t have anything against big girls, but…there are just some things you should not do. I was feeling Scarlet in the beginning. She was clearly trying to sing some pain away. But sometimes, you gotta leave it at the words boo. Why did she have to do that to the table? Smh.

Peace in the middle,

Sowhatiff “Sometimes I table dance in wedges” Jenkins

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Black Republicans

By Slim Jackson

Sorry. This post is not about the Hova and Nas song.

By now, most of us have seen the video clip of the “that black guy” (Pronounced “that one”.) standing up at the McCain-Palin rally and urging Gramps to defeat Obama in the election. To quote the exact verbiage of one James T. Harris: “I am begging you, sir. I am begging you. Take it to him.”

Many Black folks, myself included, heard this same comment as “Massa please. Please massa. Go on and take it to ’em massa.” Now I know he was just supporting the candidate that he wants to win the election, but I was disgusted. This dude had the audacity to stand up in front of that white audience and urge McCain to defeat the Black presidential candidate on national television. I wanted to press block, up, up, high punch and do a Fatality. All I could see was another Black man shucking and jiving on a major stage with strings attached to his arm. What an effin sell out. I really hate Black Republicans.

Okay, so maybe I don’t hate them. I’m sure we have Black Republicans reading this blog. I used to go to school with a homosexual Black Republican that wrote for the most Conservative newspaper on campus. What a oxymoron. He used to act out in class in hopes of getting attention, only to end up hated. But that type of Black Republican is different…because it’s funny. James T. Harris…not funny. It’s interesting though. Had James been at a Barack Obama rally and said this, it would’ve been perfectly fine. It would’ve been just another negro supporting a negro. Neither Blacks nor Whites would’ve thought anything of it. There seems to be this misconception that Black Republican = Sell Out or Shucking and Jivin for the Man. Even with my open mind, I still fall victim to the assumption.

I don’t believe that one’s political affiliation really equates to how one feels about his or her people. I think the issue is all in perception. I am not could be a Black Republican. But even if I was, there are certain opinionated comments that I would never make. My issue is with the uppity ones who say ish like “Black people are lazy. They just need to get off their asses and get a job.” Or something along the lines of “I benefitted from Affirmative Action, but I really didn’t need it and I don’t think the rest of Black America needs it either. People need to stop selling drugs and get a real job and work hard.” Now within these ignorant comments, there are legitimate Republican views. It’s how the person chooses to express them that creates the issue.

How does everybody else feel about Black Republicans in general? Our friend who tried to hug it out with McCain is just one example. I still wanna stick a blade into his Hummer tires. That’s just my opinion though.

Voting for Obama Cuz He Looks Like Me,

Addendum: Check out this video from White Republicans in Ohio. This is what scares me the most about this Race for Race…

Everyone’s Trying To Have a Swagger Like Us

Swag. G. Style. Whatever the word, either you either have it or you don’t. But for those of you who don’t possess any mojo, don’t fret. You could be like Dr. Evil, as well as most folk in America, and just jack it. Before swagger was printed on an Old Spice body spray can, before T.I.’s comeback song and before he ripped M.I.A.’s voice when she first said it on her track “Paper Planes”, Black folks had style. Truth be told, they had more swag back then. Partly because everyone else was so damn corny. As a result, they had folks jocking and clocking their every move. Hard body. Back then it was straight highway robbery, but nowadays with color and culture lines so blurry is it swagger jackin? Or just a little swagger appreciation?

Oooh That’s My Song! No Really, That’s MY Song.

America has been stealing our music since they realized it could make them some money. Jazz. Yeah, it wasn’t all Kenny G and elevator muzak. That used to be all Black folk. Same thing for Rock and Roll. Yes. There were the greats like, Little Richard, James Brown (yes, he was considered Rock and Roll), Chuck Berry, Jimi Hendrix. I could go on and on. They got their style jacked by groups that mainstream America loves. Luckily that doesn’t happen as much now since non-mainstream music is so readily available to everyone. Technology has made it slightly tougher to just rip someone off. Plus I have to admit, some of these White Chocolate cats are just inventing their own style and holding their own. Can’t front, Robin Thicke gets a lot of airplay and has definitely gotten us dudes a lot of play.

You Sure You Don’t Have Some Black in You? Well, Would You Like Some?

It’s a phenomenon that gives Black men one more reason to leave their chocolate covered counterparts for a lighter fare. White women with asses an extended gluteus maximus. No, I’m not the last to pick up on it. In fact, me and my crew submitted an article to National Geographic about it years ago. What is new; however, is the fact that White women are loving it. Eating more steak sandwiches and doing more lunges. Just take a walk outside. Go to your local Whole Foods and/or bar. Attitudes have changed. For the better. It’s cool to have a booty. Shoot, I could go on and on about this topic. I have tons of research documents I could provide you. And I’d love to, but I so much more to say. So I’ll just leave you with this. Jessica Biel. Yep, thank you and good night…

Can’t Be Mad When Other Folks Take Better Care Of It Than Us

When something gets big, people either steal it or try to add on (pause you dirty minded…). Our Hispanic, Asian and Indian brethren have gladly helped to do the latter with Hip Hop culture. I mean, some of them are the kids of those business owners in the neighborhood. That couple that had the grocery store, yeah, they had a kid. And he/she grew up with us. Once some of them got older, they entered the family business – entrepreneurship. Walk into a store to buy kicks and clothes. You may be surprised to see that it’s owned by Asian cats. (Shout out to Re-Up out in Boston!) Others go against tradition and just hop right in (pause) to our culture wholeheartedly. Like Big Pun and Fat Joe.  Well, more so Big Pun.  Or Miss Info and the Jabberwockys.

So I don’t know homie. In the past, folks just straight bit our style. Now the lines are blurrier than my vision after a few Jack and Cokes. What do you think? Are folks jockin us or is it just a sincere form of flattery?

Seattle – Sometimes I Wear Shades At Night Cuz I Shine So Bright – Washington

Sometimes We Just Gotta Slide Off

**Calls enormous steroid abusing body guards, straps on bullet proof vest, steps into bullet proof bubble and surveys the surroundings . Okay, I think I’m safe**

Why do men cheat?

Yeah, I know. This is a dangerous topic. I’ve seen it covered on other blogs and it never seems to get old. At the request of a few readers, I’m sacrificing myself to the masses to talk about it. Let’s get into it…

We like buns. The end.

Just kidding. We all know dudes with chicks that can’t help but to sample new goods. I’ve heard people argue that “once a cheater, always a cheater”. I disagree. Ill acknowledge that there are people addicted to sex that really can’t help themselves. I’ll also acknowledge that there are dudes who aren’t really happy in their relationships physically, mentally, and/or emotionally that wander elsewhere in hopes of getting what they deserve or desire. They’re bad at picking women and run into the same problem over and over again. This means they stray over and over again. Thus, it appears that “once a cheater, always a cheater”.

But what about the rest of us? Most of the dudes I know with an affinity for buns know better than to get a girlfriend in the first place. If homie knows he’s a hot commodity, he’ll play the field longer than Cal Ripken unless he gets injured (a la she’s pregnant, he gets clapped in the non-violent way, or some other unforseen circumstance like falling in love however unlikely that may be.). I’d say that as men get older, the reasons for cheating change. Aside from loving love canal, things really may be missing from the relationship. This is a different type of cheating. Here are some examples:

Hobby and Interest Support Deficit

Larry is dating Marissa. Marissa nags him all the time. She always has time to be out and about with her girls, but won’t come to any of Larry’s summer league basketball games. Larry meets Tanya, who happens to love basketball and takes an interest in Larry’s life in general. They play a little one on one. Larry shoots and scores in more ways than one. Larry feels bad, but not too bad and Tanya put in some work that must be rewarded. Larry continues to dunk on Tanya which takes stress out of his relationship with Marissa. He’s been with Marissa for a year and doesn’t know if Tanya is moving to Texas so he doesn’t bother to tell Marissa.

Self-Health and Maintenance Deficit

Marquis is a pretty boy. He consistently has girls approaching him. One chick, Latisha, somehow gets him to commit. He keeps being approached by other chicks. Latisha is happy to show him off, but gets comfortable and puts on 15 lbs. in the wrong places. Chicks that now look like what Latisha used to look like keep approaching him. Latisha continues to expand horizontally. Marquis caves under the pressure and decides to explore another cave.

Attention and Physical Appearance Deficit

Johnny lives in Knoxville. Debbie lives in Dallas. Debbie appears to be preoccupied with other things and makes herself scarcely available and refuses to travel. Johnny gets tired of cranking them out solo. He gets some assistance from Ally who liked his swag. Johnny is now relieved and able to tolerate his situation with Debbie. Debbie turns out to be a skeeze and appears on porntube.com without his her permission. Johnny is not as embarrassed since he had already enlisted the services of someone equally as talented.

Now there are other reasons and scenarios that lead men to different water theme parks. The most typical answer to all of this is “Just stop dealing with the significant other. Gosh.” Sometimes it’s really not that simple for men. Call it cowardice, and we’ll call it convenient or necessary. But yeah, it’s not always that we can’t help ourselves because we’re men. There are other factors. What do yall think?

Interpreting the Shady Since 1983,

Why Do Black People Flock to Each Other?

By Sowhatiff Jenkins

This is a question that I have been asked in more than one way by the majority population.  For undergrad, I attended a majority white university.  Big surprise.  For grad school, the same thing.  For those of you in the workforce, I’m sure you too have to deal with the same thing: being one of very few black people, or minorities in general, in any given situation, be it sitting in the classroom, or heading to the break room to warm up lunch.

Thoughts about this come up without outside prompting.  I know I have stopped myself a few times as I feel myself congregating with or gravitating to people simply because they are black.  Sometimes I find myself wanting to fight this urge, mostly in an effort to expand my social circle and learn to be comfortable with others.  Forgive me, as I grew up in an all black and Latino town, and went to an all black and Latino high school.  Anyway, I am always intrigued when asked by a classmate or colleague of mine, what it is that makes black folks “stick together” so to speak.

Sometimes this question it carries with it a connotation of “Damn, black people stay segregating themselves.”  This has got to be my favorite.  When I walk into my classroom of 100 students, and about 10 of the students are black, and scattered randomly throughout the room, I don’t ask myself “Damn why are all the white people sitting together?”  When you make up the majority, it is likely that you’ll end up sitting next to someone that looks like you.

So why is there beef when I want to save 6 seats for my friends?  Its probably because we stick out like sore thumbs:  All the chocolate and caramel folks lined up in a row.  People assume that we do this because we are trying to keep them out, but why can’t we just be trying to get in where we fit in?  What’s wrong with me trying to be comfortable?

I think the issue comes up because people in any given majority don’t have to think about being a part of that majority.  When people all around you are ::insert any group distinction here:: just like you, you don’t have to think about fitting in, because you just do.

People are too sensitive sometimes.  My wanting to sit with my black friends has less to do with me not wanting to sitting next you, and more to do with me wanting to sit with my friends.  I mean, can I live?

Do You Want To Have Sex Or Not?

A Little Something From Seattle

After Tiff’s last post it only seems appropriate, or highly inappropriate, or serve this one up.  I mean, it’s such a simple question, it grabs your attention and yet no one really uses it.  I don’t know why, because it would save us all a lot of trouble.  I was talking with my friend Portland, yep that Portland, from work about a situation that occurred with him and I realized there are so many instances to use this.  Events would be a lot less awkward and chock full of sexual tension.  If only it were socially acceptable for a dude, or woman, to just ask this without getting an eye roll, smacked, put on blast or, worse yet, ruining your chances to get the buns in the future…

For example, you may find yourself in a situation where you’re chillin once again with your usual flirt buddy, only to see her flirting with the next cat later on in the night.  Cool.  Keep it moving mane.  She isn’t your girl, but hey, all this confusion could’ve been prevented if someone just asked – do you want to have sex or not?  If so, let’s bounce while this Henny is still in my system.  If not, I’ll let this Henny mojo work magic on your quiet, but cute, friend over there.  

Or say you’ve been on a date a few times and your soon to be horizontal dance partner is a little shy.  You can see it in their eyes that they want to move forward, but their mind won’t let them.  That’s cool.  Everyone needs time.  But hey, it should be known.  Are you trying your hand at celibacy or are you trying to build the suspense like a Hitchcock movie?  Should l chill and break you off with a piece of my Kit Kat bar later or should I be someone else’s Mr. Goodbar?

And it’s not just us, ladies.  I’m sure there are plenty of times where you want to just ask that dude who you’ve been eyeing across the way at the sports bar, do you want to have sex or not?  Lord knows, you can’t stand to watch the Giants stomp all over the Seahawks any longer and you’d rather be watching another kind of receiving and returning.  Trust us, we’d appreciate the honesty.  Plus, we probably didn’t even notice you.  You’re sitting in front of the TV that has the AFC game on.  But hey, Sunday sex is great sex.

Just my thoughts people.  Let me know, is this question valid and can it really be used by both sexes?  While we’re here, what are some other instances when you’ve just wanted to say, “do you want to have sex or not?”

Seattle – I May Just Start Saying That Soon – Washington

Size of the Boat, Motion in the Ocean, Or Neither?

By Sowhatiff Jenkins

Don’t get all coy on me.  I don’t know how conversations about sex goes down between dudes, if at all.  Pause. But I can assure you that this question almost always comes up between women in one form or another.  There is some almost automatic curiosity that surfaces when one finds out that her homegirl has got down with the get down with a new man.  Or even with established relationships, we just “need” to know how ol’ dude is betwixt the sheets.  This then leads to questions about whether a good lay is determined more so by the actions and/or size of the boat, or does it have more to do with a woman’s connection to the captain of the ship.

In this age of the “progressive” woman, it would not be surprising to come across a woman that holds firm to the idea that sex is purely physical for her.  Somehow she has found the formula that women have been looking for years, that allows her to keep pumps from getting all mixed up in emotions.

While I believe that this can be done, I wonder how long this can last.  For example, a woman and man have developed a working “thronxing” relationship.  They call each other up when there’s an itch to be scratched, handle business, and chuck the deuces.  For the man in this situation, it is expected that he can keep it at sex.  For the woman though, can she maintain this detachment for the duration of the sexual relationship?  Or does she develop feelings for him at some point?  Or if not him, does she search for an emotional connection else where?

When talking about this with my homies, it is the general consensus that woman enjoy sex more when they are emotionally bonded the to man.  This is not to say that pumps sans love and all that can’t be head board breaking fulfilling.  But can it be totally fulfilling?  Do women, in the backs of their minds, say “Damn, that was good, but something was missing?”

Of course this is a very individual thing, but there is a lot of good anecdotal evidence to support the idea that women, while they can talk the talk, can’t walk that same sex-is-just-as-good-without-emotions-walk as men.

Or do men walk this walk all the time?  Is it just that you can get your rocks off nice and good when you don’t really care about a broad woman, but enjoy sex even more with your boo-boo?  Let’s hear it.