How Long Will You Take It (or Give It)?

A Little Something from Seattle

So after talking about our different tastes for the past week, we felt it was only appropriate to talk about something we all like – sex.  Don’t get all coy now, you wouldn’t be on a site called “Three Ways To Take It” if you were an angel.  Now, I was looking through the paper on my way to work and saw the blurb below.  

 

"Good sex lasts from Three to 13 Minutes. ...Sex which lasted longer than 13 minutes was considered to go on for too long."

 

If you want more, you can check out the full article here.  Why a sex statistic made it to the front page of a major metropolitan newspaper blows my mind, but it makes for a good question.  Does good sex really only last from three to thirteen minutes?  The research seems to go against popular thought.  We often hear sex stories where it goes on forever, leaving both people in post-coital bliss.  Or, on the flip side, the sex was over quicker than how long it took you to disrobe.  Which in return, will make the sex quicker than how long it takes her to put her clothes back on. 

We here have our opinions, o trust we do, but we wanted to leave it up to you.  Does that stat stand up in court or is it as soft as R. Kelly in a 21+ club? (pause)

The Three Ways Crew

Milk in their Coffee? How About Chocolate Milk?

By Slim Jackson

Sowhatiff made you take it, so now it’s my turn to give it to you. It only hurts for a second. Pause…and breath…and Pause.

To date, I haven’t been a man that discriminates. Though I’ve refined my taste like a triple distilled vodka, I still don’t pay too much attention when I see an interracial couple. Black Guy with a White Girl? It’s whatever. Appears to be pretty common. White Guy with a Black Girl, ehh…maybe she gave up hope, was adopted by white parents, or went to a very liberal college, but that’s OK as well. I was in NYC recently and noticed an abnormally large number of interracial couples. Yes, NYC is huge. It is indeed a melting pot. But when I walk less than a half mile and see 5 interracial couples, I do wonder what’s changed over the years.

One thing that has gotten to me is the level of attention and unpleasantries that Black men receive from Black women when they date White/anything other than Black or Hispanic. Sowhatiff has already introduced the subject. Special thanks to her for that. But honestly, what’s the big deal? Most of us, male and female from wherever, want to find somebody that we love and can vibe with. We don’t want to come home and fight everyday with our significant other. That’s simply not the move. Lets face it. Men naturally have more options. That’s not even a horse worth beating while it lays on the ground twitching and etching closer to being reunited with its family in that big farm in the sky. It’s only natural that we will see what’s swimming in the sea, because more times that not, we can do what we want. Women can exercise these same rights if they/you so choose, but for whatever reason don’t. I guess it has something to do with self-preservation of one’s people? But even that is beside the point. I wanted to take some time to refute a few misconceptions.

“A Black man that dates anything else is lookin’ for the easy way out.”

I’ve heard this one many times. Even Sowhatiff has had the thought cross her mind. The logic is inherently negative. Anyone who says this is conceding that Black women are more difficult to deal with, and that it takes a real man to forge a long lasting relationship with a Strong Black woman (You’d think Barack would have bigger muscles and chest hair given who his wife is). Who wants to enter a relationship knowing it’s going to be a Siberian Death Match before one sees the silver lining? It shouldn’t start off as an uphill battle, and if it does, it’ll probably go downhill pretty quickly. That whole “he ain’t a real man” logic is bogus ladies. You need to erase it from your database. We just want to be happy like you do, and not limit ourselves in the process if we should decide to date elsewhere. No, you don’t have to do our laundry, but Katie and Becky are willing to help us maintain a tidy apartment (Who said stereotypes couldn’t be fun when used properly?)

“That n*gga ain’t really Black. Must be from the ‘burbs. Carlton Banks lookin muhfugga”

We’re a product of our environment. If a Black man should happen to be from the suburbs and frequently dates outside of his race, it’s possible that it’s because that’s what he knows. It probably means his parents are fairly successful in whatever they do. You know that if you were married and making the big bucks, you would not be livin’ in the hood. Let’s be real. Your kids would be in a good school and you would have to ingrain “find someone who looks like you” from a young age and hope they stick to it. And any time you try to beat something into a kid’s head, you always run the risk of having them rebel. i.e. Julie with the racist father sneaks off with young Alonzo late in the night for a hotel party. Alonzo is later arrested in Georgia for statutory rape.

“He doesn’t really think that he’s Black. He needs to recognize where he came from.”

This one is kind of a rehash of the first and 2nd points. Difference is what people perceive his standpoint to be, compared to what others think of him. Who you date is not a representation of what you think of your race. It doesn’t matter if you’re a professional athlete, actor, model, lawyer, doctor, or whatever. This isn’t to say that when Black men become successful (How do we define success for that matter?) they all go straight for the White women. It happens that way sometimes, and I know better than to won’t speak on that. However, I can say that social status changes who you are around on a regular basis. Consequently, if you are highly successful and are constantly surrounded by successful people, you will probably have an interest in one of them regardless of race. And before you start trippin’, yes…there are a lot of successful Black women out there who deserve exquisite treatment. I appreciate your hard work. I did watch Something New.

My word count for this entry is gettin’ out of control. If you don’t agree with me, fine. Voice it in your comments. Slim Jackson is only one man. Hopefully you can appreciate my perspective. If not, I know where to find someone who doesn’t look like me that will…just kidding. Luv ya!

Milk in Their Coffee

By Sowhatiff Jenkins

We’ve all seen it. Some people don’t like to talk about. Others will rant and rave for hours. Many people have mixed feelings about it. Some folks could care less about it. Our next president is a product of such a couple. Yep, that’s right. We are talking about interracial dating folks, a topic that is somewhat taboo in the black community. Your faithful writers here at Three Ways have come to give it to you raw. Pause.

Mixed Feelings

**Sowhatiff note: I am not speaking on behalf of all black women…just the coolest one ever. My intent is not offend, but to share. So back off. 🙂 **

Hi. My name is Sowhatiff and I have mixed feelings about interracial dating. There it is. Feels good to get that off my chest. I’m not sure what it is but, my blood boils a little when I see a black man walking arm in arm with a white woman. Ok, I lied. I do know what it is. Rightly, or wrongly so, it is somewhat of an insult when Tyrone chooses Kaitlin over Tyesha. In a world where spotting eligible black men are as rare spotting a bald eagle in, say…anywhere, it makes one wonder, “Why her and not a black woman,” “Are we not good enough,” or, “What happened.”

Seeing a black woman with a white man though, doesn’t evoke the same feeling. For me, I am more curious than anything else, just because I love a big manly black man. I generally chalk it up to her running out of options, and stepping outside the box. For her, its ok in my book. (Yes, this is a double standard. Sue me.)

Why It Hurts

I love black men. I love the idea of marrying a black man and being by his side. Because I am a semi-professional student, my pickings are quite slim. Single, eligible brothers aren’t lining the halls of my university, or anywhere for that matter. As such, I already know that I face tough odds. So when I go to Starbucks, or a local night spot, and see a fine black man hugged up and dancing off beat with a white woman, it feels like the educated black woman has lost again. That “so many fish in the sea” line doesn’t fly here.

Sometimes, I want to ask him, don’t you like black women? You don’t want a strong black woman? Can you talk to her about your plight? Then I catch myself burning a hole in the back of his head looking at him and shaking my head and say, “She can have him, we probably don’t want him anyway.” Or I chalk it up to him being a punk, and that he can’t handle all of this woman.

Let’s Take It Back

Its no secret that back in the day, it was illegal for a black man to even look at a white woman with a flicker of lust in his eye. At some time in history it seems (or feels) like white women became a trophy. I remember when I found out that Sydney Poitier married a white woman…boy was I shocked. James Earl Jones. Taye Diggs. Seal. (its ok, you can giggle at that one). This list could go on, but I’ll stop here. Why? Just cause.

I do understand that socialization plays a part. The demographics of the community you grow up in influences your development. The music you like, clothes you wear, the way you speak, and possibly, the types of people you are attracted to, can be linked to this socialization process. Thus, if you grow up around a homogeneous group (or a diverse group of people) your tastes in the opposite sex may reflect this. But for the everyday brother, what happened?

I know, I know. Inherent in my asking “what happened” implies that something is wrong with interracial couples. And this is where my struggle comes in. I was once challenged by a professor of mine on this very topic. I expressed my issues with black men dating white women, and she said, “I am the product of a black man and a white woman. If you have an issue with them dating, then in essence you have an issue with me.” Then I stuttered and stumbled and tried to explain how it wasn’t the same, and I couldn’t. Sigh.

So instead of me trying to figure out and resolve my conflicting logic, I’ll just take the easy way out and turn it over to you, the good reader, to hash it out. Go.

The Double Standard of Men and Women Part III

Reflections on Baby Mama Drama and Dead Beat Dads

Have no fear; Sowhatiff is here. I present to you the third part of this thought provoking series. As indicated by the previous entries, and many of your comments, there is no disputing the existence of double standards between men and women. However, one that sort of flies under the radar centers around little snotty nosed cute children.

Baby mama drama. More than one baby’s daddy. Dead beat dads. Single parent homes. Single women raising children. Single men with children, but not raising any. Boyfriend and girlfriend with a kid, but no ring. Married with children. Once you reach a certain age, these types of scenarios become more and more likely to come up in conversations with friends, or potential boos. But fellas, what happens when you meet a woman with a kid? Ladies, what happens when you meet a man with a baby? While both people may share 50% of the genetic material of that baby, who is likely to carry the burden of responsibility?

Single Dad?

Its not too often you run into a man raising his son or daughter. Let’s be honest. And when you do, he gets all kind of cool points…from women. “Aww, he is so sweet.” “What a good man, raising his baby all alone.” “What’s wrong with his baby’s mama. Shame on her.” Some women may even be turned on by this man, and may be encouraged by his potential.

Now flip the script.

Brenda had a baby. And no, Brenda isn’t a 16 year old girl barely out of the 11th grade. Brenda is a grown woman in her mid twenties with a job, at least 1 degree and a large sense of responsibility. And how is she perceived? “Poor her. Who’s going to date her now?” “Damn yo, I don’t want a ready made family.” Women may shake their head and say, “Damn, glad that’s not me.” Some men are willing to take the “challenge” and most others run in the other direction.

Baby Daddy Drama?

When you read that, you were probably like “What’s that?” That’s right folks, that term doesn’t come up often for a few reasons. It doesn’t surface in conversations because…here comes the kicker…he’s probably not around enough to create any. Now, this can be due to factors such as issues in the dynamic between him and the mother of his child. Or maybe because the term “baby mama drama” rhymes and such, it has snuggled its way into our lives.

Either way, the conversations about men with child(ren) versus women with child(ren) do not sound the same. Women tend to be pitied or judged for having a child out of wedlock, while men are dismissed and almost forgiven. Unfortunately, nature plays a major role in this. When a women gets preggers, she can’t just walk it out and leave that fetus to develop into a baby on its own. That little bun bakes for 9 months, and with few exceptions, sticks around for years to come. The child becomes a major part of that woman’s daily life, while Baby Daddy does what he wants for the most part. His anatomy and societal permissions allow him to get in and out…pause…and not look back.

Dead Beat…Mother?

::Gasp!:: Heaven forbid a women decides to relinquish the responsibility of raising her child to his or her father. She gets called all kinds of names and is labeled as irresponsible, and less of a woman in that she severely lacks “maternal instinct”. I can only imagine the raised eyebrows she gets upon sharing that she has a child that doesn’t live with her. If this were a man though, the conversation would carry on with no hitches. Smh.

In the spirit of intellectual discussion, I pose a few questions for you to mull over. If a man is not raising a child, is his dating life likely to suffer? If so, how? What about women? Why are there differences? What creates the varied expectations placed on men and women as it relates to having and raising children? Are these differences endemic of larger issues in society, and the black community? Or is this just how it is and how it’s going to be?

Sowhatiff

The Double Standard of Men and Women Part II

Seattle’s Theory of Modern Day Chivalry

Props to Slim for calling out the elephant in the room and discussing the Double Standard of Sex with his recent post. As he mentioned, the Double Standard segment would be a three-part series so here’s another issue near and dear to me that goes under that umbrella. Chivalry. Most of us can agree it’s dead or at least in critical condition with bruised ribs, a cracked sternum and a slow heartbeat. It doesn’t look good for him. However, the reason(s) why it ended up on life support aren’t as universally agreed upon. So I took it upon myself to do a little research as well as scientific experimentation and now I’m here to debut Seattle’s Theory of Modern Day Chivalry. It states, chivalry is dead because women beat the shit out of it. The End. (Bows to an eruption of applause and snickers)

Yep, check underneath your tims, flats and/or heels ladies. It doesn’t take the squad from NY Undercover to see that you’re responsible for this murder. J.C. and Eddie could’ve solved this in the first 5 minutes. Open and shut case, cue the commercials. What’s that? You need some facts? Well it goes back to the Double Standards of Men and Women in society today. While one gender’s roles have changed exponentially, the other’s has remained the same. I’ll present my findings to the jury.

Exhibit A: Miss I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T

Do you know what that means? Well as my good friend Tiff brought up in a previous post, women think they can, and as I’m finding out, have to do everything for themselves. Which is great. Nothing is sexier than a woman that doesn’t need to rely on you financially. Unfortunately, as Tiff pointed out, that mentality sometimes trickles down to everything else in their lives. Here’s a small, but poignant example. One day during a class in college, all the students had to gather around our professor to watch some hands on instruction. Some stood, others sat on tables and the unlucky few had to sit on working tables high off the floor. After the brief tutorial was over, I motioned over to help one young lady down from the ledge. After all, she had heels on. Why she had heels on in upstate NY during a lab class was beyond my thinking, but chivalry doesn’t know fashion. So I extended my hand, only to get scoffed at. She sucked her teeth, rolled her eyes and hopped down herself. I’m quite happy that she knows how to jump and run in heels, but there was no reason to kick chivalry in the nuts with them as well.

Exhibit B: Got This Cake, I’m Eating It. And Watch Me.

While a woman’s role and status has changed in modern day society, for the better, a man’s has not too much. As I stated, women “got their own” ish now and I’ll repeat, that’s great. Wish you the best. I don’t want us to go back to the 1920s. Only thing I get hung up on is that the expectations are still there. You want us to treat you as equals, well then let’s do it. I’m not saying that the toilet seat remains up and you have to start peeing standing, but picking up the check every once and awhile would be cool. Some do pick up the check or go half (you know who you are, thanks for lunch), but the majority don’t even crack the wallet even if it’s as loaded, or dare I say it, more loaded than mine. You can’t fight for independence and then choose when you want to live up to it. That’s like me saying I’m a free man now, but every once in awhile I just want to crash in a White man’s house and do his yard work because I miss the feeling.

Exhibit C: Forget What I Said, This is What I Meant

Now if you don’t want it, that’s fine, I’ll give it to someone else. Chivalry that is. The question is, who? And more importantly, when? If all of you ladies don’t want the door opened for you or for us to pick up a check that’s cool. Less energy expended, more money in the pocket for an Arizona Fruit Punch and a chicken patty with cocoa bread. But you keep us guessing. We get dirty looks if we do open a door or if we decide not to this time. You may say no and scrunch your face up, ever so cutely, when we go to pick up the check, but then give us a “n*gga, did you forget your wallet?” look if we don’t. Plain and simple, you expect it, but you don’t want it. So, Seattle is here asking for you guys to have a Woman Conference. We have our Man Laws, we’re just asking for a couple guidelines to help us out. We know that there is no simple answer from a woman, so a yes or no with a few clauses will suffice. Thanks homie.

To wrap it all up for you, there are multiple Double Standards at work here. One being that a woman’s role has evolved while a man’s has remained stagnant. The second being that women yearn to be treated as equals yet still look to be a damsel all at the same time.

With all that said, I’ll let the jury decide what the verdict is, but from the materials that I’ve presented today, I don’t know what there is to refute.

Seattle aka Sexual Chocolate

The Double Standard of Men and Women Part I

This is the beginning of a series of entries on the Double Standards that exist between men and women. Each of us will be covering a different topic over the next few days. We’ve put a lot of time into these entries. We encourage you to comment and share this blog with friends. The first entry is brought to you by Slim Jackson. Enjoy!

Sexy Time? You like Sexy Time?

Sex. We talk about it in our circles. Men showing off the notches on their belts. Women telling their peoples about a man’s performance. It’s the catalyst and downfall of many relationships. It corrupts and ends marriages. It damages the reputations of women if done too often with too many people. It can leave a man looking lame if he doesn’t come correct (no pun) when it counts. The societal pressure exists for him to perform, and for her to not become one that’s frequently associated with it amongst the fellas. Good looking and not so good looking dudes are expected to rack up the body count, as good looking and not so good looking women fight to keep the numbers down. Who’s right and who’s wrong? Is there a happy medium that allows everyone to save face? Is there an acceptable number of partners? Does the number of partners even matter? If so, when does it stop? This is one man’s perspective, that considers that of his brethren. I am in no way a sexpert. I don’t even believe in sex. How do you do it anyway? It’s time to dive into it…in more ways than one.

What your numbers be like?

Every man has a different concept of what’s acceptable for number of partners for a woman they are considering dating. No, we may not always ask. Usually we will use some type of formula that factors in age, personality, number of relationships, and level of education. Level of education is important because of college. Let’s face it, a lot of sexin happens when you cram hormone heavy individuals of both sexes into a dormitory. Everybody has seen or experienced a late night creep. Within one year of college, the numbers can soar expotentially. Even a well-respected woman can accumulate 2 partners per year, bringing that total to 8. Some of the most liberal can accumulate 3-4 in a matter of months. It’s expected that a male’s numbers will increase well beyond this rate if he has it together, and this is accepted as normal. I know men who have numbers in the 40s and 50s that are considered great guys. My numbers? -3.5 in case you are wondering.

What exactly is a slut?

How do we determine who is a ho/easy/promiscuous? At what point is someone no longer respectable as a wifeykins? A lot of that has to do with the type of dudes she messes with, the frequency, and her overall personality. I know women who acted as if they were men when it came to sex that were very well-respected. I also know others who were given a range of nicknames and acknowledged for talents that I am not at liberty to discuss. But for a man, it often seemed as if it was more about his bedroom abilities or how close someone could get to holding him down and being that special lady that “changed” him. Think about it. When a woman leaves after a night of thronxing intense lovemaking, she is taking the walk of shame. A man takes a walk of glory as a result of his thorough beasting conquest. The double standard at its finest.

The Sex and the City Girl

After college is a different animal. Some would argue that the slate is wiped clean as one transitions to the next stage of life. Given that the gossip decreases and people lead more personal lives overall, the numbers can be racked up with little consequence as if living the life of the characters in Sex and the City. Many women, but certainly not all, try to identify with these characters because they appear to live without rules. They are merely doing what men have been doing for centuries. There is no double standard for them, but in the real world, these same stigmas and restrictions continue to exist. Now there is a lot that was not covered in this entry. That is where the comments come in. We are open to hearing the female perspective as well as any thoughts that expound upon what was already presented. Stay tuned for the next part of this series. Let the dialogue begin!

8 Ways to Make a Woman NOT Want to Sleep with You

My good buddies Slim and Seattle have done it again. I have been challenged. Consider yourselves served. Now on with it.

Its no secret that men have to put in work in order to get the goods from us. The woman’s objectives sort of guides how and when she gives up the cookie. No matter what she wants from the man, there are things that he can do or not do that keep her jeans limited to room for one. Fellas, if you do one or a combination of these things in an attempt to get da draws, you may expect none. Let’s begin.

1. Keith Sweat type begging

This is NOT sexy and is a perfect example of when the word please does not possess the magical powers its rumored to have. Lines like, “Come on girl, please?”; “Girl, please let me put it in, just for a little bit.”; or “Please girl. I just I want feel you,” do not make you look like the manly man we want you do be. And no, begging her to speak into your mic instead does not get her all hot and moist.  Spooning anyone?

2. Being corny

Some women like corny dudes, which is fine. But I’m talking about that corniness thats cripples you to a point where your handsome face and well put together appearance gets overrun by your bad jokes (and the fact that you laugh at them) or your inability to hold an entertaining conversation. This ruins all hope. When a man has an uptight and lame look and feel about him, it kinda makes women wonder, “Could he possibly be good in the sack?” Most don’t want to stick around to find out.

3. Bug-a-Boo status and possessive tendencies

This is more scary than anything else. True, women do like attention. But when a man you “talk to” and/or see on a pretty regular basis before you give up the goods calls, texts, or emails 24/7, wants to know who you’re with at all times, when you’re getting back, goes through your phone, or gets jealous when the waiter says “Good Evening,” giving up the cookie becomes less and less of an option. None of that Ike and Tina over here.

4. Poor Grooming

Some women like men that are a little rough around the edges. But if you have chapped lips, dirt under your finger nails, pit stains on your wife beaters, leaned over shoes, and crumbs in your sheets (if you’ve gotten her this far), spooning will not lead to forking tonight.

5. If its clear you are going to hit and quit

Most women don’t want this. We may not be expecting a ring tomorrow, but we like to know that if we give it up once, you won’t stop calling or coming around. To prevent the heartache later, we don’t just play hard to get…we actually will be.

6. Excessive sexual talk

Every time we talk, it is not a turn on to ask her what she’s wearing, or tell her how bad you want it, especially if she’s only known you for 1 week…unless she’s a freak-a-leek. Then and only then is this likely to work.

7. Your size.

We all know the drill. The evening starts out with some date-ish activity. Before you picked her up, she made the decision that tonight would be your lucky night. You get back to her place. She brings out two glasses of some alcoholic beverage, or red Kool-Aid if she’s feeling kinky. After playing the “Let’s watch TV” game, heavy petting ensues, and she discovers what your working with, or what you aren’t. Sometimes, there is such a thing as too big…maybe she’s scared. And if your weeny is teeny, then…you know the rest. She straightens up, yawns and ends the night. Sorry Jimmy.

7. A pack a day…

Can keep the sex away. Who wants to kiss an ashtray, or snuggle up to a man whose clothes smell like all the toxins they talk about in the Truth commercials. And if you don’t kiss or snuggle, you gets no wild monkey sex cuddle.

8. Boo, where is your manliness?

I don’t know about yall, but I love a manly man. One that exudes masculinity through his manly pores. It can start with a handshake. If I extend my hand to shake yours and I feel like I’m shaking a child’s hand, you are knocked out of the running. You probably don’t like sports either. To that I say, “No nookie for you!” (said in the Soup Nazi’s voice from Seinfeld).

I shall stop here. This could go on for days. Unlike men, there are lots of things that keep us from giving it up. Ladies, I am interested in your additions to this list. Fellas, what have women said or done that left you high and dry?

The Best One Way to Take it,

Sowhatiff

8 Ways to Make a Guy Not Want to Sleep with You

Guys put up with a lot of stuff just to get in the sack. The myth is that we’re dogs, we’ll deal with anything and sleep with everything at any moment. Wrong. Every man has his breaking point and here are eight reasons we’ve heard will instantly stop that jackhammer from going to work. Why eight? Well honestly, there aren’t that many reasons why a guy wouldn’t have sex.

1.) Untamed Regions

We’ve all been there. Moving through the bases, all the while amazed at how carefully manicured everything is from the French tips on the toes to the light scent of lotion on the skin to the freshly done do. That is until everything is taken off and you realize that part of her is stuck in the 70s rocking a fro. The most important part. Some of us will dive into the bush and conquer, while others will pack it up for more civilized regions. It all depends if the man likes a safari or the Great Plains. To each his own.

 

2.) I Can Feel it in the Air

My man Slim has already stated our opposition to odor, but we felt it was important to bring it up again. As he once said to me, “if un-doing her belt immediately releases a neurotoxin into the air, it’s a wrap”. I concur. And many men do as well. Mind you after some time, you can do the nasty while you are truly, nasty. But first impressions are a different animal and while some will grab the Oust and keep it moving, others won’t linger.

 

3.) Excessive Drunkenness

It’s OK to have some sippy to get that liquid courage and loosen up your inhibitions, but there comes a point when it’s just too much. There’s a fine line between buzzed and sloppy drunk. Moral men, like us, would much rather pass at this point, while the chronically desperate would be willing to risk catching a charge.

 

4.) Instant Cling

While not as immediately evident as the other symptoms we listed, this symptom rears its ugly head soon enough. Now I’m not talking about women who care, do little special things and likes to hold up a good conversation. I’m referring to the chick who all of a sudden has her toothbrush, dog, half a drawer worth of clothes and mail forwarded to your apartment after 1 week of o.k. crushing. Some men may be into playing house, but others will let you have the apartment and move out.

 

5.) Diarrhea of the Mouth

Less is more. A good conversation can increase your sex appeal. An excessive one with you talking about your entire relationship history and what you are looking for in a man will surely lessen the chances that we will jump in the sack. We can talk about all that other stuff on AIM or via text message the next day, so you can’t see our facial expressions when we are becoming increasingly turned off.

 

6.) Grime

We know your farts don’t smell like roses and when you use the bathroom it isn’t always to put make up on. But some things we still think belong only to us, grime being one of them. Cheating is one thing. It’s wrong mind you. But grime is another level. Creeping with the skill of a ninja, utter disregard for your dude and allusions that you’ve done this plenty of times before. I don’t want to hear that on the cab ride home (please see diarrhea of the mouth). I’ll find out how indecent you are tonight. And once more tomorrow morning.

 

7.) Crazy Ex

If you have to silence your cell phone for the night because it won’t stop blowing up and you are afraid to answer it. There’s probably a crazy Ex/current crazy BF lurking outside. Telling us about the crazy ex beforehand as a precautionary measure could be just as damaging to your chances, because we will then expect that you’re even crazier than he is. We don’t want to wake up in the morning staring down the barrel of a loaded firearm or dodging knife swipes.

 

8.) Your Friend

Sometimes the star can do everything they need to do to win the game, but the rest of the team just doesn’t step up to help. OK. For those who don’t get that sports metaphor, I’ll say it bluntly – your homegirl, yeah you know which one, you can thank her for your drought. The miserable/disrespectful/sexually frustrated friend can range from gorgeous to butt ugly, because in this case it’s really what’s on the inside that counts. And that she won’t keep it in. She has a burning desire to make everyone as miserable as her, including innocent bystanders like us. Most men will only take so much. For some, pride overrides the penis. So keep your team in order if you want to take home the gold consistently.

 

That’s it for now people. As we said, we couldn’t think of any reasons beyond those eight, so if you have some deal breakers we haven’t covered, send them over. We’ll sign off by saying we’re not perfect, but we do our best to come correct (no pun). We just ask you do the same.

Two Articulate Young Brothers,

Slim and Seattle

Men Ain’t Worth a Damn. Right?

After reading a few posts by fellow bloggers (Slim Jackson and his pal Seattle), and participating in conversations with friends about men and relationships and such, I felt moved to reflect on…::insert dramatic music here:: “the independent woman”.

In the last decade or so, a phenomenon has swept the nation…the “Independent Woman” craze. The original Destiny’s Child sang about her time and time again, movies put her up the big screen, and women embodied her. The message is touted all over the place: “We don’t need no man.” This may be true in a basic sense; a woman that has “her own house…her own car…she a bad broad,” doesn’t need a man to provide those things. I am a member of a class of women that fall into this “independent” group; we have our own cars, our own jobs (or loan checks) to pay our bills, we are relatively well educated, and thus on track to have high earning potential.

Now ladies, I’m all for being able to have your own. Lord knows its important. But if we are not careful, we may begin to fool ourselves (and our potential boos) and fall into the trap. What trap is this you ask? The one that says women don’t want or need men.

That’s hogwash. Don’t believe the hype.

What type of women does not want a man at some point in her near or far future? Maybe the woman that is highly embittered by her relationship experiences, so much so that she can’t move on to the next. Or maybe the woman riddled with high levels of insecurity, so she huffs and puffs and walks around like she doesn’t enjoy the affection of a man. Then, there is the woman that has been hurt so badly, that she just can’t stomach the idea of getting close to the opposite sex in the near future, if at all. There are also those who just want to play the single, sexy, and free game. To her I say, “Play on playa.”

Well I’m going to let you in on a little secret…even the strongest, most successful, well educated, high earning woman, wants a man…a man who will make her “feel like a woman.”

In today’s word, women have to do a lot to get a lot. If she wants top notch career, or lots of letters behind her name, she has to learn to “toughen up” and stay focused. She may have to compete with men in these areas. And then she has to date them too? Geez.

As she’s doing all of this, she may develop a layer of protectiveness that at times may keep people at bay. It sorta comes with the territory. But as my friend Slim points out,

“While every normal man with at least minimal confidence would love to have a strong and independent woman, there comes a point where that independent attitude becomes a turn off.”

Men realize this. It is just as important that as women grow older, more mature, and more experienced, we keep this in mind as well.

Let’s see what Mary J. Blige has to say on the subject. In her song, “Feel Like a Woman” from her most recent album Growing Pains, she says,

“I want you to rescue me…I don’t want to compete, I just want to be the only girl that you need…I only want to do what you tell me to…won’t you show and prove…I’m tired of screaming independent…I want to start depending on you.”

When I first heard the track, I must admit, I was like…this a little too much; “Only do what you tell me too?” Whoa Mary. But as I listened to it more, and tuned in to myself, as well as my male and female friends more, I realized how true the words were. Women want to feel protected, and safe. We want to feel like we have a strong man to stand beside. We don’t want to be all tough at work and at home. We get tired of being independent. It’s draining. We want to be able to make our boos happy, while they works to make us feel like the soft and precious gems that we are. ::insert batting lashes here:: hehehe.

Just as important as the words are in stating what women want, Mary J. raises another point. “…Won’t you show and prove.” My good men, we challenge you see beyond the facade. We want you to be the strong manly men you are, trust and believe. Ladies, I challenge you to tune into what you really want, whatever that may be. Sadly though, because you guys are from Mars, and we’re from from Venus, we often speak different languages, but often say the same things. We have a lot learn about, and from, each other.

Let the learning begin. Share your thoughts.

Disclaimer: Yes, I know I made sweeping generalizations. It’s fine.

Stop Fighting Her For His Affection

After reading Slim’s post on the male-female friendship, and noticing the flurry of comments, I thought it only appropriate to add my thoughts to the mix. As a woman, I totally understand the trepidation most women feel when they learn about their main boo’s close female friend(s). Women, as passive aggressive creatures, are quite territorial, and tend to think the worst about other women as it relates to our men.

I am a woman with very good male friends. I go to bars with them, watch SportsCenter with them, gripe about my life to them, ask them for advice about men, offer advice about women, share stories, and all that. While there are obvious differences in the the dynamic of the friendship by virtue of the differences between men and women, my male friends are just that…my male friends. To say that I have never had any naughty thoughts about my some of male friends though, or that I haven’t imagined what that type of relationship would be like, would be a bold faced lie. Let’s not kid ourselves here. There are few anomalies in this sense.

As heterosexual beings with enough compatibility to sustain a substantive friendship, it can be assumed that these thoughts will cross his and her mind, at some point. However, from the female friend’s side (if she is really a friend, and not a woman with a motive…please know that there are posers out there) lines are usually drawn, especially when there is special woman in her friend’s life. From the special woman’s perspective (e.g. girlfriend, wifey, etc.), the female friend is almost automatically perceived as a threat. Why is this? As I mentioned earlier, women are territorial, and can get really stank when it comes to her boo.

I agree with some parts of the comments made. If a male-female friendship hasn’t already gotten hot and heavy, the thought has been probably there…and it probably has passed. The prior existence of these thoughts does not mean that the female friend is a skeez though. Nor does it make the man any more or less likely to dip out on his lady, or fantasize about doing so.

The female friend, again if she is really a friend, should want to be friends with you and your boo. As a friend to him, and as a woman, she wants to be cool with you and not create any undue tension. If you’re a good woman to her friend, she is likely to be in your corner. Its usually not until you start acting crazy in the relationship, or stank towards her will she become the same type of woman you are capable of being. And if you don’t know your man’s female friends, you should be asking some questions of yourself, and of him.

Please note: not every woman or man can handle these types of friendships. Here are some examples:

The habitually cheating man or woman

These two always have some ” reason” to step out on their boos or step into bed with someone else’s.

The smile in your face whilst trying to take your place chic or dude.

This is the person that you always knew had questionable motives, but couldn’t quite catch them with their pants down. He or she is extra friendly, yet drips grease as he or she walks.

The person who is not really happy in their relationship

This man or woman will be seeking comfort and fulfillment from somewhere or someone. This is the perfect in to get it in for the male or female friend. Fix things on the home front to avoid this one. Be attentive and all that.

I am going to stop here, as I’m sure I could come up with like 9.5 more. Shot out to Slim for the post that got this all started and you, the customer fine folks that kept the conversation flowing.

–Sowhatiff