Category Archives: Advice

Is It Okay for Women to Approach Men

By Sowhatiff “Never Scurred” Jenkins

While women are going around getting all independent and what not, there are still things that remain somewhat traditional…the initial approach.

I know I was once guilty of this attitude: “If he likes me, he will come over here and talk to me (despite my pack of 7 friends, and stank look).” So…yeah…I have learned that that is not necessarily the right attitude to have. Though I touched on this in my Are Black Women That Stank entry, I thought I’d take it a step further.

Women often think that making the “first move” sends certain signals to men. As usual, we are often caught up in over-thinking.

Woman to Self: Omg. If I say something to him, he’s going think I’m flirting.

Self to Woman: Which I am, cuz he is fine.

Woman to Self: He’s going to think I want to have sex with him. I ain’t that type of chic.

Self to Woman: Well, eventually I will give up the draws, but not today…

She has this dialog with herself, and by the time she makes a decision, homeboy has moved on.

But does it have to be like this? Why is it that women feel as though we cannot make a first move? We have been conditioned to think that a man has to take that first step. Well, I posit that this not always the case.

He probably doesn’t think you are a jump.

Unless you want him to. Short of you talking all super sexy as you order your morning coffee, or stroking his chest (or your own) all sensual-like as you converse, you are probably not sending the “let’s take it to the back seat” message. If you are looking to get the jump off jumped off, or not, you are probably hinting at something by a bunch of unconscious signals. Tone of voice. Posture. Distance between you and him. Stuff like that.  Pay attention to the signals.

Your environment matters.

Making the first move in the club is one thing. Drinks are involved. Heavy grinding beats are bumping. Sexy lighting is all around. All of these things factor into the sending and receiving of messages. Speaking to a man at the gym or at some other well lit venue that does not serve dranks, or sell condoms in the men’s room, can impact the way messages are sent, and received.

If he didn’t come up to you first, it doesn’t necessary mean he doesn’t think you’re hot.

This is where learning to chill, and not over think can come in handy. Think about the times where you were not initially super physically attracted to someone, and, minus the snaggle tooth they turned out to be a good catch anyway. He may not have noticed you at the same moment you saw him. Maybe his line up is not on point today. What if his breath is kicking like Kung Fu fighting.  Or he might be shy. ::Gasp:: Yes, sometimes guys are shy.  Try not to get lost in doubting yourself before you know what’s what.

Men like to feel desired too.

The same way we like to be complimented on the effort we took to get all fly, men probably like the same treatment to a degree. I don’t mind telling a man that his button up looks good, or that he has a nice smile. Sometimes, you may engage in further conversation and exchange digits, but often times, you don’t and just part ways. No harm, no foul.

Ladies, don’t be scurred.  Sparking a conversation does not make you look ::insert all the negative things you think here::.  Just be who you are.  Whoever that is (jump off or otherwise) is likely to shine through.

What do you all think about women making the first move?

8 Ways To Tell She’s Not That Into You

By Sowhatiff Jenkins

Ladies, have you ever made the terrible error of giving a dude your number, just to be nice. Well, I have. This is one of those mistakes that you don’t have to make twice in order the learn the lesson. Or how about engaging in a few unintellectual conversations because you are not really sure how to let him down? In any event, I thought it’d be fun to let men know when the woman they met probably just wanted to leave it at that…

1. She does not return your phone calls, texts, emails, or other forms of communication.

This is probably the only time a No. 1 on a list of mine that will actually denote its importance. Its amazing how when you’ve given a dude your number, and spoken to him say, twice, months later, he still finds the need to call you. No, you two didn’t establish a friendship in those two conversations. And it should be clear when she didn’t call you back the first 7 times, that she’s probably not interested in you…on any level.

2. When you go out places, or stay in, she doesn’t seek comfy cozy closeness.

You know what this feels like. The two of you are out walking to the restaurant, and she maintains a bit of a distance from you. Or somehow, you’ve gotten her to come over to watch a movie, and she stays snuggled on the far corner of the couch, resisting those attempts at sensual touching.

3. When you greet each other, she gives you the “booty out” hug.

Ladies, you know you have given more than one of these hugs before. And you probably get a little wigged out when he tries to rub the small of your back all slowly and stuff. Then, as you back away from the “embrace” you try to hide the look of disgust discomfort on your face.

4. She looks at you crazy when you move in to kiss her.

She gives you that, “Um, what do you think you’re doing” look. Or if you’ve actually been stealthy enough to make lip to lip contact, she is pulling back like a receding hair line. Didn’t you notice her eyebrows raising up?? Or maybe her shoulder muscles getting all tense?   Yeah. Those were signs to back up off her.

5. She always has a reason NOT to do something with you.

This one probably hurts. You ask her to the movies. She says nope. Invite her to a friend’s party. She reluctantly obliges. Then, she calls in sick. You invite her for some coffee at the local S-bucks. She already has plans. You just heard about this new exhibit at the art museum and guess who you still want to invite. Has not your ego been bruised enough?

6. She talks about other potential boos.

If she keeps bringing up her date with the next guy, and how cute she thinks he is, she is probably trying to tell you that you are not the desired object of her affection.

7. She asks you about your friends.

This may sound like it has grease written all over it, but as long as she is not trying to get with you and your boy (unless that’s how yall roll), then you’re good. Well, not really because she is in fact trying to tell you to buzz off, but you get what I mean.

8. She is OD (extra) mean and bitchy.

I have to admit, I am guilty of this one. You poor saps think she is just playing hard to get. Nope. Not at all. She is just hoping that her meanness will turn you off and send you in the other direction. And if you are still trying to get at her, clearly her efforts have failed. Or you are just super dense.

Let’s keep the party going. What have you ladies done to tell a dude to buzz off? And guys, let’s not act like a woman has never done the Heisman on that ego before.

**Ms. Jenkins note: Questions like “What is the Heisman?'”will not be entertained.**

So, Its Not Just Me.

After having conversations with a few men, and reading some of your good comments, I was able to gather some information. While some of this stuff will seem as though it should have been obvious, or you feel like “I knew that already,” its sometime nice to hear (read) things twice.

Apparently, spring and fall are the best time to find dudes.

I thought this was a little out there when I heard it, but it’s interesting nonetheless.  Spring is after winter right?  And just like the new flowers ready to bloom, guys are ready to get back into action, and are ready to mingle.  As for the fall, after a long summer, they are ready to settle down. They have boinked hooked up with all those fast chics nice women from the summer, and are ready to find someone to keep warm during those brisk walks in the park, or to to snuggle with under the sheets around the fireplace.

Fish in the right pond.

I think this is one area where men may have one up on women.  Dudes know what type of women will be at certain types of spots.  When they want a jump off, they go to the clubs.  If they want a stank sophisticated lady, they may frequent wine tastings or art exhibits and such.  Depending on what you are looking for should play a role in where you are looking. Think of the type of guy you are (or think you are) interested in, and what he might like.  Don’t go looking for Mr. Right at the dingy hole-in-the-wall spot.  Chances are, Mr. Here Tonight Gone Tomorrow will be there instead.

Pay attention to the age factor.

If you get a flyer for a gathering that looks all nice and sounds good, but says in very fine print “18 to enter, 21 to drink,” or its at a venue known the attract young people, you may have a bit of a problem.  There are some types of events that young dudes won’t frequent.  Lounges, or after work spots, are not likely to have that 20 year old boy “man” trying to spit game.  Try to avoid spots that have a large age range.  Chances are, women will get the short (and young) end of the stick.

Keep your eyes open.

You probably interact with decent men on a regular basis.  You have probably exchanged glances before, but are too busy being stank to notice.  Maybe he doesn’t want to get at you like that.  But a nice conversation with that handsome guy you see everyday won’t kill you.

Apparently sports bars are what’s up.

I must say, I do enjoy a good beer and football game when my schedule allows.  I have received some cool points from the fellas for this.  So ladies, just try it.  We want him to watch “chic flicks” or Grey’s with us, so sit through a Giants game every once in a while.  Yes. I said Giants.

Stop rolling 31 deep.

This has been something that has begun to annoy me as of late.  I love my girls, but I am not longer super interested in rolling mad deep (pause) to places, unless its one of those famed “girls night out.”  But really, girls night out doesn’t have to be an occasion every time we go out.  Scale back.

Anything else we are missing?

Keeping it Three Ways up in this piece,

Sowhatiff? “I Drink Beer and Eat Wings Whilst I Watch Football” Jenkins

Tell A Friend to Take It Three Ways

Y’know, it’s a little hard to say this (sigh).  We here at Three Ways just wanted to let you know that we appreciate the love.  Yeah yeah, yeah.  Thanks for coming, and then coming back for more.  Not to sound cocky, but we kind of knew you would…

If you think this is some good sh*t, then spread it, flip it and tell a friend how much you liked it.  It’ll be the only time you can give it three ways without your numbers racking up.  There are plenty more innuendos I could throw out there, but I’ll just say it would be cool if you could pass along your favorite articles to friends.  Then you can finally you can be proud about spreading something.  My bad, I couldn’t resist.

Take That, Take That,

The Three Ways Crew

That’s Cool, but How Many People Have You Really Slept With?

A Seattle Washington & Sowhatiff Jenkins Episode

The Plaintiff – Seattle Washington

People of the internet, visitors of the blog.  I’m here today to bring to your attention some questionable practices from a company we interact with all the time.  Everyday they’re decreasing numbers, intimidating witnesses and falsifying evidence all to keep their syndicate running perfectly. Who am I talking about? Women.  They’re more devious than Enron, your local bookie and Dick Cheney combined.  Low or high, men seem to always have a clear count of who’ve they slept with (not counting those b*tch ass dudes who inflate).  Some dudes even have a resume complete with references, just in case you want to check their qualifications.  We take pride in our work.  But when you ask a woman how many people (not just dudes, we’re in a new era now) she’s slept with, things get fuzzier than Cleopatra Jones’s afro in high humidity.

Why is that?  Hmm…  Well, we here at Three Ways have heard all types of crazy ass excuses reasons why that may be.  Exhibit A – I was vulnerable.  I don’t really remember it.  I was sleeping.  It was just the tip.  He was whack so it doesn’t count, etc. etc.  So, I’ll ask you a question ladies.  If I walk into the movies, through the doors, sit down with my popcorn, watch the opening credits and 1/2 way through the movie realize it’s whack – wasn’t I still in that movie theater?  I can’t just erase that joint from my memory, I’ve got the condom wrapper ripped up ticket in my pocket to remind me.

I appeal to the courts better judgment and say that this inaccurate counting needs to stop now.  If you want us to be honest with you, you’ve got to keep it real yourselves.  I know there are some chicks all men would love to forget about – shudder but hey, it happened so we have to own up to it.  If we could use Hennessey as a reason to disregard certain dubious females, our numbers would surely plummet.  But we can’t.  And we probably wouldn’t.  Because it’s been ingrained in us since kindergarten that 1+1 = 2.  So if I kiss shorty by the swings, that’s 1, and her friend will surely make 2.

Thank you.

Seattle – I Watched A Lot of Law & Order With My Grandma – Washington

 

The Defendant – Sowhatiff? Jenkins

As Counselor “He still watches TV with Grandma, how cute” Washington shrewdly notes, it is true: Women do in fact alter our numbers depending on the audience we are catering to.  And while this may seem “devious,” I ask that you consider the position that men, and society at large has put us in, thus leading us to this type of behavior. I’m not ducking reality here, but I ask that you reflect on the circumstances thereof.

Let’s start with language.  Words like “loose,” “ho(e)”, “skeez”, “bus down”, and “scallywag”, are a few ways to refer to a woman with a “high” number of sexual partners.  I put “high” in quotes because this determination varies depending on who you talk to.  The point:  women get judged for having more than x number of partners during y amount of years.  We are supposed to keep it right and tight.  A certain number of sex partners tends to lead people to believe a woman has low morals and/or standards, when reality probably indicates just the opposite.  For men, another notch on the ol’ belt is note worthy and elicits praise and ego stroking (pause). Women though, aren’t praised.  We are held to self imposed standards that are informed by societal (and man driven) expectations.

Men, don’t act like this behavior is merely a product of our innate female tendencies.  I have had many conversations with men who prefer a woman with “low numbers.”  Yep, that is correct.  Low numbers.  A perpetuation of the very falsities they wish to avoid.   In a situation when a woman knows of this value, she may fib, and drop her number a little when the question comes up.  Who is hurt by this?  Not the man for sure, because he’s happy because his girl is ::insert whatever value men place on this here::.  I would argue, that woman suffers a little here, because she feels like she has to deny parts of her true self to gain acceptance.  Perception is reality folks.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I ask that you try this test.  Think about the word “ho(e)”.  Does it mean “a woman having lots of “meaningless” sex with a “high” number of men”? If you answered, yes, you have proven my point.

In closing I will say this: yes we fib about our numbers sometimes.  But who’s fault is this?  Arguably, not ours.  As such, I propose a solution: don’t ask, don’t tell.  Everybody wins.

Good day.

Sowhatiff? “Why do you want to know my numbers anyway” Jenkins

 

 

And at this point, we shall let you deliberate…  Let us know, what’s the verdict people?

No, That’s the Other Black Guy

by Seattle Washington

Pssst.  Hey.  Yeah you.  Come here, I have something to tell you.  Y’know when you get me confused for the other Black guy in the office?  It really pisses me off.  I know, I know.  We all look alike.  Trust me, I’ve heard many of Black folk say the same thing about you.  But really, c’mon now there’s a handful of Black guys in an office of hundreds of people.  Sh*t, I’m the only one in this department.  Matter of fact, you probably see more Black people walking past the security desk in the lobby than you do walking in the hallways.  So how can you not keep us straight?

My face may remain stoic when you say “Hey Portland?  How are things?” but in my mind it goes a little something like this.  Mutha fucka, I’m Seattle.  Portland is five inches shorter than me and works in a different department.  I’m Six Foot Sexy.  Do you not see me and my tall ass walking around the hallway?  Just off height alone, how can you get us confused?  Not to mention we have different personalities, different jobs and rock different gear.  We sit on different floors man.  Furthermore there’s only a handful of us at this job, you mean you can’t keep us straight?  That’s some sad sh*t homie.  That’s beyond ignorant; it’s disrespectful.  

You may have noticed a change in how I talk to you too.  I know, I know before I used to tactfully correct you and giddily watch your face become red with embarrassment.  Now, I’ve gotten to a point where I’ll happily correct you and add in a touch of signature Seattle cynicism.  So when you say, “Hey Portland.”  I just respond, “No, that’s the other Black guy.  I’m Seattle.”  And I’m off before your jaw can hit the floor.  Call it tough love.

Y’know I read that when you’re not exposed to different races, the unique facial features, hair texture, and overall appearance that other races have will all seem the same for you.  I understand that you might have grown up in an area where everyone looked like you.  I don’t hold that against you.  But damn, you work with me everyday.  You mean, you still can’t get my homeboy and I straight?  Look around, it doesn’t take a genius to realize this is a very homogenous industry, but I seem remember your names.  And we have hundreds co-workers.  Even if I don’t know your name, I know you’re not the same person as Steve around the corner.

So please, get your sh*t straight.  We’re different.  Yes, different.  Black people do not come off an assembly line.  If you can remember the names of all the Black players on your local football team, their stats, and schools they went to, I think you can remember me and a couple other Black guys in the office.  Think of it as a starting line up and the sixth man.  Or maybe I should just get Washington printed on the back of every shirt I wear.  Seems like that’s the only time you can remember a specific Black person.  Well, that and if I ended up on the 10 o’clock news.

That Black Guy in the Office,

Seattle  Six Foot Sexy  Washington

It’s Jesus. It’s Superman. No, it’s Obama.

by Seattle Washington

There are a lot of high hopes already held for the Democratic Presidential candidate, Barack Obama.  Probably more than Jesus had when he touched down.  If/when Obama gets elected, it’s said a wave of change will come in, reversing the many mistakes that have been made in the last eight years all while setting the country on a better path.  And that’s just the political side.  Many Black Americans are looking for him to save Black America too.  To lead us all to the proverbial promise land that we should’ve found years ago.  To fill the void that Jesse and Al tried so desperately, and ineffectively, to plug up since Malcolm and Martin were taken from us.  And that’s where things get a little shaky for me.

Leader of the Free World. Not the Black World.

Yes, he’s Black.  We claimed him instantly and, even better, he’s claimed us.  Take that Tiger.  But, last I checked Obama was running for President of the United States.  In case you haven’t been paying attention for the past 232 years, saving Black folk isn’t in the job description.  I hate to break it to you, but he isn’t going to free the incarcerated brothers that have been wronged, stop drug sales in the hood and legalize weed.  On second thought, he might do one of those…  Now, I don’t think Katrina Pt.2 will happen under his jurisdiction, but c’mon give the man a break.  Even MLK Jr. had more than four years to help us get our stuff together.

“You People Have No More Excuses”

Yeah, you know it’s going to get said when he’s elected President.  A lot.  If he does well at his job, whew.  Lord knows.  Funny thing is, it won’t just be White supremacists and Fox News shouting it from the rafters.  I bet you some Black folks will start co-signing too.  “He made it, why can’t the rest of you guys?”  Possibly true.  If one man can live the American Dream, and even help mold what that dream means, then another should be able to follow suit.  However, poverty, easier paths like crime, teenage pregnancies and a poor education (I could go on) will still plague the inner cities of America.  Until we cut off the root, you still will see some weeds in that garden.  Obama will have it in his power to get at a crucial cause though.  …Ahem, a wrecked public school system…

Obama Loves the Kids

People have already begun to say that he will positively affect the  little bastards  minority kids in school.  A face that looks like them running the country will surely be an inspiration to them all.  Letting them know that anyone can do it.  In my opinion, Bush should’ve let them know that.  If his slow ass can be president, surely a third grader with a solid knowledge of the alphabet and basic math can.  Seriously though, I’m not sure how much effect he will have on these kids.  I’m sure Obama on ABC, NBC and CBS will help but, can that counter every other Black male stereotype they see on MTV and Bamboozled Entertainment Television?  Only time will tell.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s great that we could have a Black President.  Shoot, it’s great to even have a Black candidate that’s taken seriously.  But, if/when he takes the office, he will be left with a bag of sh*t that he has to immediately turn into gold.  Let’s not get upset if he doesn’t happen lead us to the land of milk and honey as well.  After all, it’s not his job.  It’s ours.

Seattle Washington aka RightCoastLexSteele’s Campaign Manager