Author Archives: slimjackson

Our Stuff is Packed. Pause.

So as we mentioned last week, we’re getting ready to move to a new home. We packed all the boxes and loaded the furniture into the truck. Starting this week, there will be some changes as we get cozy in our new spot:

  • Blog posts will be up Monday-Friday at midnight. Seems subtle, but makes a big difference behind the scenes.
  • New features. We’ve added some stuff based on reader feedback. All I can say is “comments”.
  • New layout… People with iPhones or iPod touches will be particularly happy. And there will be no Facebook groups saying bring back the old Three Ways!
  • An addition to the team.
  • Individuals subscribing to the site will need to re-subscribe to a new address, which will be provided when we launch.

So yeah. We’re about to be real super duper official. Can you feel the excitement??!?

Probably not.

But you will.

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We Be Hatin’

By Slim Jackson

A couple weeks ago I was out with the fellas at an east coast college. They were opening for a poppin and pizzlin hip hop artist that we all know, and I was there to support and hold my Flip video camera in the air to get some blog-worthy footage. Without going into too much detail, the show was great. I’ve been to a few shows they’ve rocked out at, and it’s been a lot of fun. After seeing them perform in front of primarily white institutions and crowds more heavily sprinkled with Black and Hispanic folk, I’ve come to a crucial conclusion…

White people really know how to have unrestricted fun. Black folks really know how to hate.

Let’s face it. We’re quicker to find fault with other Black folk than we are to give credit and accolade where it’s due. When I’m at these concerts, there are clear demographic differences. I can see the hundreds or thousands of white people throwing their hands in the air and having a good time. I can also see a significant chunk of the small segment of Black and Hispanic people watching first with a critical eye and looking for an excuse to say the show was wack. They’re usually the people with arms folded, staring up at the stage, and consistently whispering in the ear of whoever they came to the show with. Now this isn’t to say that all Black people are naturally haters, but sometimes it’s like something extra needs to be proved before people will just accept the fact that someone is cool, good at what they do, or whatever. This isn’t even a competitive circumstance! Competition? That’s a different story…

Don’t even get me started on how competition increases the hate exponentially. All we need to do is look at a group of women who are all interested in the same dude. Welcome to New Hate City….Welcome to New Hate Citttttayy! We can even look at the dude that’s baggin chicks without any reputable reason. “That negro just be out there munchin box or wearin Greek letters. He wouldn’t be baggin otherwise.” But yeah, we be hatin’. It’s kinda reckless. If people spent as much time looking at themselves as they spent criticizing others who are making moves in the bedroom, the world would be a much happier place. Then again, I guess there will always be crabs in the barrel…I ain’t tryna get pinched though.

Slim “The Plumber” Jackson

Three Ways Is Taking It Elsewhere

Aight folks. After 59 posts, 1,010 comments, and over 17,000 views, we’ve decided that we are outgrowing our apartment in our overcrowded WordPress.com apartment complex. We need a place to call home with no rules, restrictions, pests, and smells that make us gag when walking up the stairs. No longer can we deal with the broken elevator, small dog barking, and bed posts (other than our own) that are slamming against the walls through the wee hours of the night. We are taking the show elsewhere. Despite the poor credit and mortgage market, we’ve invested in some real estate. We are the proud owners of a fresh new web domain. Don’t bother trying to drop by our new house yet, because we haven’t moved in our stuff. We just gave our landlord notice that we are terminating the at-will leasing agreement and signed the paperwork for our new place. With that being said, we are looking for suggestions…

PLEASE USE THE “SUBMIT YOUR IDEAS!’ SECTION TO PROVIDE US WITH ANY THOUGHTS ON FEATURES YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE ON THE NEW WEBSITE. WE’VE NOTICED A FEW THINGS THAT WE CAN’T TOLERATE ANY LONGER!

With that being said, keep checking in daily for the latests posts and updates regarding our new home. Enjoy what’s left of the weekend folks!

ACORN Helped Me Find My House,

Black Republicans

By Slim Jackson

Sorry. This post is not about the Hova and Nas song.

By now, most of us have seen the video clip of the “that black guy” (Pronounced “that one”.) standing up at the McCain-Palin rally and urging Gramps to defeat Obama in the election. To quote the exact verbiage of one James T. Harris: “I am begging you, sir. I am begging you. Take it to him.”

Many Black folks, myself included, heard this same comment as “Massa please. Please massa. Go on and take it to ’em massa.” Now I know he was just supporting the candidate that he wants to win the election, but I was disgusted. This dude had the audacity to stand up in front of that white audience and urge McCain to defeat the Black presidential candidate on national television. I wanted to press block, up, up, high punch and do a Fatality. All I could see was another Black man shucking and jiving on a major stage with strings attached to his arm. What an effin sell out. I really hate Black Republicans.

Okay, so maybe I don’t hate them. I’m sure we have Black Republicans reading this blog. I used to go to school with a homosexual Black Republican that wrote for the most Conservative newspaper on campus. What a oxymoron. He used to act out in class in hopes of getting attention, only to end up hated. But that type of Black Republican is different…because it’s funny. James T. Harris…not funny. It’s interesting though. Had James been at a Barack Obama rally and said this, it would’ve been perfectly fine. It would’ve been just another negro supporting a negro. Neither Blacks nor Whites would’ve thought anything of it. There seems to be this misconception that Black Republican = Sell Out or Shucking and Jivin for the Man. Even with my open mind, I still fall victim to the assumption.

I don’t believe that one’s political affiliation really equates to how one feels about his or her people. I think the issue is all in perception. I am not could be a Black Republican. But even if I was, there are certain opinionated comments that I would never make. My issue is with the uppity ones who say ish like “Black people are lazy. They just need to get off their asses and get a job.” Or something along the lines of “I benefitted from Affirmative Action, but I really didn’t need it and I don’t think the rest of Black America needs it either. People need to stop selling drugs and get a real job and work hard.” Now within these ignorant comments, there are legitimate Republican views. It’s how the person chooses to express them that creates the issue.

How does everybody else feel about Black Republicans in general? Our friend who tried to hug it out with McCain is just one example. I still wanna stick a blade into his Hummer tires. That’s just my opinion though.

Voting for Obama Cuz He Looks Like Me,

Addendum: Check out this video from White Republicans in Ohio. This is what scares me the most about this Race for Race…

Sometimes We Just Gotta Slide Off

**Calls enormous steroid abusing body guards, straps on bullet proof vest, steps into bullet proof bubble and surveys the surroundings . Okay, I think I’m safe**

Why do men cheat?

Yeah, I know. This is a dangerous topic. I’ve seen it covered on other blogs and it never seems to get old. At the request of a few readers, I’m sacrificing myself to the masses to talk about it. Let’s get into it…

We like buns. The end.

Just kidding. We all know dudes with chicks that can’t help but to sample new goods. I’ve heard people argue that “once a cheater, always a cheater”. I disagree. Ill acknowledge that there are people addicted to sex that really can’t help themselves. I’ll also acknowledge that there are dudes who aren’t really happy in their relationships physically, mentally, and/or emotionally that wander elsewhere in hopes of getting what they deserve or desire. They’re bad at picking women and run into the same problem over and over again. This means they stray over and over again. Thus, it appears that “once a cheater, always a cheater”.

But what about the rest of us? Most of the dudes I know with an affinity for buns know better than to get a girlfriend in the first place. If homie knows he’s a hot commodity, he’ll play the field longer than Cal Ripken unless he gets injured (a la she’s pregnant, he gets clapped in the non-violent way, or some other unforseen circumstance like falling in love however unlikely that may be.). I’d say that as men get older, the reasons for cheating change. Aside from loving love canal, things really may be missing from the relationship. This is a different type of cheating. Here are some examples:

Hobby and Interest Support Deficit

Larry is dating Marissa. Marissa nags him all the time. She always has time to be out and about with her girls, but won’t come to any of Larry’s summer league basketball games. Larry meets Tanya, who happens to love basketball and takes an interest in Larry’s life in general. They play a little one on one. Larry shoots and scores in more ways than one. Larry feels bad, but not too bad and Tanya put in some work that must be rewarded. Larry continues to dunk on Tanya which takes stress out of his relationship with Marissa. He’s been with Marissa for a year and doesn’t know if Tanya is moving to Texas so he doesn’t bother to tell Marissa.

Self-Health and Maintenance Deficit

Marquis is a pretty boy. He consistently has girls approaching him. One chick, Latisha, somehow gets him to commit. He keeps being approached by other chicks. Latisha is happy to show him off, but gets comfortable and puts on 15 lbs. in the wrong places. Chicks that now look like what Latisha used to look like keep approaching him. Latisha continues to expand horizontally. Marquis caves under the pressure and decides to explore another cave.

Attention and Physical Appearance Deficit

Johnny lives in Knoxville. Debbie lives in Dallas. Debbie appears to be preoccupied with other things and makes herself scarcely available and refuses to travel. Johnny gets tired of cranking them out solo. He gets some assistance from Ally who liked his swag. Johnny is now relieved and able to tolerate his situation with Debbie. Debbie turns out to be a skeeze and appears on porntube.com without his her permission. Johnny is not as embarrassed since he had already enlisted the services of someone equally as talented.

Now there are other reasons and scenarios that lead men to different water theme parks. The most typical answer to all of this is “Just stop dealing with the significant other. Gosh.” Sometimes it’s really not that simple for men. Call it cowardice, and we’ll call it convenient or necessary. But yeah, it’s not always that we can’t help ourselves because we’re men. There are other factors. What do yall think?

Interpreting the Shady Since 1983,

Things That Piss Me Off

By Slim Jackson

There are things that make me happy. There are things that make me smile. There are things that make me feel like life is extra peachy and things couldn’t be better. Then there are things that piss me the eff off! Whether I’m walking up the street, sitting on the train, out at a restaurant, or out at a club, there are things that make me wanna shout obscenities or ball up my hand, cock (ultra pause) back my arm, and punch somebody in the throat then ask them to speak to me. The following is a list of things that piss me off. They are in no particular order because they probably piss me off equally. Let the ranting begin…

People using cell phones as a boom box.

I hate when I’m on a bus or train and hear music that isn’t coming from the headphones of someone’s Ipod, Zune, or other musical device. Even if it’s a song that I like, I get equally as pissed off when I look over and see that it’s coming from somebody’s cell phone. This anger is intensified when it’s a young unkempt black guy blasting a song laced with profanities and those in a 10-15 radius are looking appalled. I won’t lie. When I’m in my Altima, I blast these same songs while I’m driving…usually with the windows up because I either have the AC or heat on. But when I’m on public transit or in a very public place, I don’t need to see you nodding your head to your cell phone beyond what’s in your ringtone. I can deal with it for 10 seconds, but not 3 minutes and 45 seconds. Turn that ish off before I punch you in the face have to ask you to turn it off!

N*gga This, N*gga That

This is major problem when I’m on or waiting for public transit. I hate when I’m surrounded by a number of easy-going or professionally dressed white folk and I hear Black or Hispanic folk going nuts with the N-word. There was a time where I was on the subway cringing as the “civil” folks looked to me as if they were quietly saying “That’s your people.” while an ambiguous minority dropped the N-word about 20 times in 60 seconds. As much as I wanted to throw a dagger between the dude’s eyes, I could do little more than act slightly uncomfortable in order to differentiate myself from the ignorant fellow. I nearly got off the train 2 stops early just to get away, but fortunately his stop came up first. When he exited, I took the monkey off my back and placed it on the seat next to me.

Fast Food Drive Thru

They really don’t treat your food the same when they know you’re sitting in your car. If it McDonalds, I get half a thing of fries. I gotta knock on the little glass and ask them to fill it up like I’m in New Jersey getting some gas. If it’s Taco Bell, my Mexican pizza or taco supreme happens to look a little bit sloppier than when I’m in there standing at the counter making sure they don’t do something foul or act haphazardly.

Facebook Statuses Detailing All the Events of One’s Life that Should Be Kept Private

No wonder you’re consistently complaining about being single. I wouldn’t wanna have to deal with you running to your computer every effin time we have a disagreement, or every time your mood changes. If you really want people to ask you what’s wrong, go to an Alcoholics Anonymous group therapy session. You’ll get all the attention you need. I’ve learned more about your relationships and personality via your status and away message updates than he’s probably learned thronxing you snuggling with you at night in real life.

Lack of Driver Acknowledgement When I Wave You Through into Traffic

Mofo, I was nice enough to not block you from getting onto the main road from your one way side street or driveway. The least you can do is quickly put up a hand and maybe a fake smile to acknowledge my good deed. I want to feel good knowing I’ve helped make your life easier, if even only for 2 seconds. When you don’t acknowledge me and speed away, I want my car to turn into a monster truck so it can crush you.

Pedestrians That Think They Are Invincible or Entitled to Cross the Street

Do you want to die? I don’t see a Mario Brothers’ star anywhere. You aren’t flashing colors and I don’t hear any speedy music symbolizing your invincibility. Cars hurt, idiot. You’re lucky I don’t drink and drive usually.

Groupies with College Degrees

You or your parents spent all that money on college, and you’re chasing an effin tour bus? SMH. By the way, did I tell you that I have friends in the music industry? You wanna meet them? Well, everything has a price…

These are just a few things that piss me off. What pisses you off? Keep it clean folks. Don’t make us have to moderate!

Consistently Angry and Always Black,

I Don’t Work Out Cuz I Look Good

By Slim Jackson

As I saw an older and out of shape caucasian fellow jogging up the street very very slowly, I started to laugh and was very tempted to make jokes, then I realized he was doing more to take care of himself than I was…at least for the time being. Aside from realizing I needed to find a new gym, I got to thinking about a somewhat mature question.

At what age do people consider the way someone takes care of their health when considering a significant other?

I’m not talking about physical appearance alone. We all know people with that speedy metabolism, or natural fit look, that do little more than open refrigerator and fast food restaurant doors. I must admit that I’m a hater of these type of folks, not to say I immediately head to Sloppyville when I don’t work out. But seriously, over the course of my lifetime there has only been one chick who ever mentioned that she liked the fact I take care of my health. Granted, she was making this assumption based on a shirtless Facebook picture that was taken immediately after a set of push ups and crunches…but still.

To me, fitness and health is one of the first things I’ll notice about a chick. If she’s naturally slim, she’ll get a bit more Slim slack. But then there are those who look great with all their wholesome thickness, but borderline refuse to work out:

“I mean…I look good. I been holdin it together all these years without working out, so why start now?”

Someone actually said that ish to me. Immediate softness for yours truly. Chances are if I were to take a look at her mommy, I’d get a true indication of what she’d look like in 15-20 years. Fortunately/Unfortunately, I’m too lazy to deal with all that. I’ve tried to figure out why I take it so seriously. Perhaps it’s because of things I’ve experienced with regard to family members. Maybe it’s because I’ve played a sport(s) my whole life. Maybe it’s because I’m scared I’ll sign a contract (pronounced marriage) only to find out that I didn’t read the balloon clause that releases her of all accountability for blowing up behind my wildest nightmares.

Regardless of my banter, I’m curious. At what point do you start to care about how the other person takes care of their health (eating habits, working out, etc.)? Do you even think about it? Do you even take care of your own health or do you expect someone to take care of it for you?

Hoping My Heart Doesn’t Look like the Southeast Expressway at Rush Hour,