Author Archives: Seattle Washington

That’s a Nice Shirt, Now Take It Off

A Little Something From Seattle

Sex sells.  Literally and figuratively.  Shoot, it’s been that way since the dawn of time.  Y’know Eve was naked when she asked Adam to take a bite of that apple, right?  Exactly.  And we all know how that ended up.  We’ve all bought, done and not done a lot of things for some buns (or hot dogs for those of you out there).  Aristotle Onassis was right when he said, “If women didn’t exist, money would have no meaning.”  

Think about it, you think I look this fresh for no reason?  Homie, if women found cardboard boxes sexy guess who’d be rocking the latest in bum fashion?  Yeah.  Forget going to Supreme or Brooks Brothers, depending on what circle you’re in, dudes would be hitting up UHaul all the time for the latest gear.  Then again, fashion has always been a culprit of using the goodies to sell their goods.  And with the economy failing and sales flattening for most clothing manufacturers and retailers, their sex drive has gone into hyper speed.  

It’s no joke.  If you take a look at the sites below you can see these clothing companies are getting quite randy.  First, light a candle, pull out the incense and throw on your slow jams, it’s going to be a wild ride…

 

Faux Porn

Unbutton Your Beast

 

Seattle & His Better 2/3 of the Three Ways Crew

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Call Me Racist But…

Some things should be left to certain people. You don’t see me over here trying to open up an Irish pub called Seattle O’Leary’s do you? Wait, wait… I’m getting ahead of myself a little bit. Let me back up and set the story for y’all.

Slim and I were roaming around this past weekend, looking for food, depreciating the value of the neighborhood we were in with every step that we took. After scouring the block for a place with some decent grub, we stumbled upon a pizza place. A small Mom & Pop pizza joint where the ovens had more space than the customers. Now perhaps this is my prejudiced New York side coming out, but does anyone else expect a pizza place to be owned by Italians? Or at least managed by Italians? Well to my surprise it was owned and maintained by Eastern Europeans. Really son? You’re not even close to Italian. If I wanted some premium vodka I would’ve looked to Russia, right now I just I want some good pizza. Hence why I turned to my Mediterranean friends. And why I abruptly turned around and bounced. When I grew up, if you walked into a Chinese takeout spot everyone there was Chinese. To my knowledge anyway. Same thing with the local pizza shop or the bodega. Now when I stroll into joints, things are all messed up.

Well, this wasn’t just an isolated incident. Around the corner from where I used to live, there’s a bodega owned by some East Africans. In another neighborhood I used to reside, there was another pizza joint owned by Russians. I swear they just reheated some DiGiornio’s and threw it in a box… Think the best example of this type of culture confusion happened awhile ago after a crazy night at a local bar. Some friends and I busted into a Mexican Pizza place owned by Middle Eastern people. Yeah. Let me say that again for you. It was a spot that served both Mexican and Italian food and it was owned by Middle Eastern people. It was either the ninth wonder of the world or the seventh ring of hell depending on how you look at it. Or what you ordered. Like the pizza that tasted like cardboard with Spaghetti O’s on top.

Now, I still eat Qdoba and Domino’s every now again. When I feel like clogging my arteries. And I try my hand at making stir fry knowing damn well, I have no connection to Asian culture. America is all about appropriating food and other parts of other folks’ culture. I dig that. That’s why I can buy Goya and Lo Mein noodles all at the same grocery store. But the blatant deceiving, c’mon man? At least be honest. If I saw a sign that said “Russian Remixed Pizza” or even, “You’d Have to be Really Drunk to Enjoy This”, I’d appreciate the honesty. I’d keep it moving, but I appreciate the honesty. Don’t try and fake the funk and sell me some food that you and I know isn’t up to par.

All I’m saying is some things should be left to their owners. But if anyone wants to open an Irish pub that sells Jamaican beef patties and a mean chicken fried rice, holla at me. We can build.

Seattle – Sometimes They Call Me Marco Polo – Washington

You Know What, F**k BET…

Yeah I said it. Don’t act like you weren’t thinking the same thing.

Matter of fact, you can tell Robert Johnson and Debra Lee I said so. And if you do see them, ask them what happened to Teen Summit? What happened to Tavis Smiley on the late night news? You know what, what happened to Rap City?! Perhaps it’s the state of hip hop itself, but I can’t mess with it. Every time I tune into that station I’m disappointed. Black Exploitation Television continues to promote coonery and reinforce stereotypes. I’ve seen enough fronts, allusions to drug sales and cash falling from the sky to last me a lifetime. If I can stop my eyes from bleeding and decide to watch it with my younger family members, I feel the need to give a disclaimer every 10 seconds. “You know when you have money, you can’t just throw it in the air and expect women to instantly appear.”

The whole concept of the station has depreciated and is now a shell of its former glory. Some folks will sit here and say, it’s the rappers’ fault. If the rappers didn’t shoot videos that way there would be no problem. No. First of all, most artists now will do what sells and what’s easiest. If Jeezy just did a video in the hood for “Put On” and The Recession does well, there will be a ton of artists with Young in front of their name replicating the formula. Just ask Hova. Also, as any person who works in business will tell you, the distributors call the shots. WalMart wants you to do a four pack of toilet paper, instead of a six, because they think that’s what will sell; what do you know there’s a four pack on the shelf. They leverage the fact that you need them, more than they need you. So if BET curtailed the type of media it was putting out there and asked for better content, record labels would oblige because they want to get their artists on the channel. No passing the buck here homie.

O.K., let’s forget the music videos, what about the shows on BET? American Gangster. Really? That’s the piece of African American history they want to give to our youth? If that’s the most provocative or poignant story they could tell about our history, you need to pick up, open and scan a book or two. If folks want to talk about American Gangster, do a documentary on Nat Turner. Or Huey P. Or Malcolm. Killing your own people is not gangster. Standing up to racist America to further your people’s cause; however, is.

Also, there’s no creativity in the content. All of the shows are knock offs of their Viacom partner, MTV. It doesn’t take a genius to see it. First there was the “Real World”, now there’s “College Hill”. Then MTV premiered “The HIlls”, now there’s “Baldwin Hills”. The only promising show they have is “The Truth with Jeff Johnson” and it’s buried that with a horrible time slot – Fridays at 11pm. You know Black people are supposed to be on the forefront of creativity, not lagging behind. FYI – Rock and Roll, that was us. Blues too. Hip hop is still ours, sort of. So please BET, step your game up. It’s a sad state of affairs when other networks are doing shows to interest educated Black folk. VH1 Soul plays better music than them. CNN does a three part series on the State of Blacks in America. Instead of continuously doing this shuck and jive TV, I feel they should premier something for the betterment of our people.

On that note, I’m going home. You can catch me standing on my coffee table, popping a bottle and watching my money fall from the ceiling in slow motion. In my backyard, there will be some 3/4 nude chicks washing my car which is on 24s. If you feel like joining me in Fantasy Island, holla.

Seattle – I’ll Start With Straight Shots, Then Pop Bottles – Washington

Sometimes, You Just Need to Laugh

A Little Something From Seattle

This time it’s nothing serious.  No blurbs.  No rants about marriage or race.  No real entry (pause).  Just a video to hold you down over the weekend and keep you laughing.  After all, it’s getting cold out, the sun’s going down earlier and all the eye candy is rapidly disappearing.  I know I’m sad, you probably are too.  So here you go peoples.  Don’t say Three Ways never gave you anything.  Now, that jump off on the other hand…      

 

 

Seattle and The Three Ways Crew

Being Black and a Hard Place

(pause)

I know that sounds like a porn that you may have rented before (you know the one). And with the title of this blog you probably expected it eventually. Sorry to let you down, but this isn’t a post about our sexual endeavors. As blogworthy as they may be. This is about a topic that my successful Black friends and I have been talking a lot about lately. The fact that it isn’t easy to be an Educated Black Person in America. Not for the usual reasons like racism, glass ceilings and DWBs. No those are old, but still relevant, stories and I’m not going to bore you with all that. I’m talking about us. You and me homie. You may have noticed that things change once you came home with that degree. After all college changes everyone. Most of the time for the better. But what happens when everything else stays the same?

In case you haven’t noticed, I love New York City. Furthermore, I love my home. However, when I go back it seems like everything has stayed the same or depreciated. They may have redecorated the mall, but they still have metal detectors in the movie theater. Understand the allusion? Ok. Well, every time I go home I see the same cars parked along the street. The same older gentlemen posted up on their stoops, the same young boys riding bikes with basketballs under their arms and the same young girls walking around, looking awkward as they push baby strollers. I usually also see the same dudes I grew up with. And this time it was no different. After being waved down by an old friend, we talked for a few, catching up on what was going on with us. While talking, I noticed his eyes moving, gleaming actually. It didn’t take long before I realized, my “boy” was checking out my watch. And looking at my polo. And my kicks. Really fam, are you sizing me up?

That’s the way it rolls though. It’s not just the females that get jealous. While folks will congratulate you for getting that degree, the dude who comes home from the State Penn will get more love than the dude that comes home from Penn State. Messed up, but it’s the reality in some of our communities. I can’t run in the spots I used to go to. I just don’t fit in anymore. Truth be told, it doesn’t even feel right to have the baggy tee almost at my knees and some even baggier jeans on. At the same time, I can’t roll with the bougie Negro crowd. It ain’t me. At this point in my life, I’m not about vacationing in Martha’s Vineyard nor am I into eating cucumber sandwiches. Much rather have a chicken patty with cocoa bread and a pineapple soda while chillin in the park. Furthermore, I don’t walk around with my nose in the air and I still can’t stand being served by other Black folks. I’m not that far removed from members of my family who were the nannies for White families. Or worked as secretaries. Or in the service industry. Once you forget them, you forget yourself. I’m not about that. At all.

So where’s home? After someone attempted to roll up on my mom and I before he realizing who we were, I’m hesitant to say that my block is it. In the same respect I don’t feel comfortable with just packing it up and chillin with the talented tenth exclusively. While there are some of us that maintain the foresight and, more importantly, the hindsight to be confident and humble, there are others who have left their past behind. And will continue to do so as they progress further. I don’t feel comfortable doing that. Isn’t it all of your experiences that make you who you are? It’s not the four years in a bubble, and everything after that, which comprises your being? Right?

Let me know,

Seattle – Things Done Changed – Washington

Tell A Friend to Take It Three Ways

Y’know, it’s a little hard to say this (sigh).  We here at Three Ways just wanted to let you know that we appreciate the love.  Yeah yeah, yeah.  Thanks for coming, and then coming back for more.  Not to sound cocky, but we kind of knew you would…

If you think this is some good sh*t, then spread it, flip it and tell a friend how much you liked it.  It’ll be the only time you can give it three ways without your numbers racking up.  There are plenty more innuendos I could throw out there, but I’ll just say it would be cool if you could pass along your favorite articles to friends.  Then you can finally you can be proud about spreading something.  My bad, I couldn’t resist.

Take That, Take That,

The Three Ways Crew

The Last Stand (It’s the Remix Baby)

A Little Something From Seattle

For this segment, we decided to bring back an oldie, but a goodie.  I dug through the crates and found an original Seattle joint, The Last Stand.  Think it was somewhat appropriate after reading Slim’s post.  On that note, herrrre we go…

For some of us it is fast approaching, for some of us it is here and for some of us it’s already too late.  Some of us have been chasing it down since birth, others are avoiding it like it was death itself.  And now people are arguing for the right to do it just as much as people argue over when to do it.  What am I talking about?

Marriage.

It’s a widely known practice that’s about as puzzling as my intro.  No one quite knows what to do once you get into it, nor are they sure about how they feel about it.  Many men are conflicted.  On one hand, it’s tough enough being a boyfriend – always wrong, freedom slowly slipping away and you have more pussy (cat) thrown at you now than when you were single (Honestly ladies, what the f*ck?).  If it’s like this now… you see where I’m going.  On the other hand, no one wants to be that old dude in the club.  And no matter what any dude tells you, that’s always in the back of his mind.

I saw one in action recently and he just reaffirmed my thoughts.  There he was in all his glory.  A sixty-year old white man chillin at this lounge I frequent.  He had on his finest slacks and striped button down.  Unfortunately for me, and the rest of the folks in the spot, he decided he wasn’t going to button the appropriate amount of buttons on that shirt of his.  Proudly flaunting his aged taco meat as well as his tight gold chain.  And I don’t mean tight like it was hot.  No no no.  I mean tight as in it was going to pop off and fly in someone’s drink if he turned his head too quickly.  On top of all that, he was accompanied by a thirty something year old woman who was an escort.  Just to clarify, I’m not hating.  I’ve seen a sugar daddy in action, but this was far from it.  The woman was definitely an escort.  He was paying for the pum pum. That’s no good in my book.

So what are we young, upstanding gentlemen to do?  On one hand I know I’m far from ready to settle down, put up the white picket fence, have a golden retriever running around the yard and be tackled by some bad ass lil bastards kids calling me daddy.  Personally, I’m still thankful, yes thankful; I didn’t have any calls on Fathers’ Day.  (Shout out to the Black Men doing their thing though! What up Pops!!!)  But I can’t hold out forever because ladies have biological clocks and when they start ringing somehow I need to wake up?  Smh.  The dudes I know have been successful in treating it like any other clock.  Hitting the snooze, rolling over, putting the pillow over their heads and going back into blissful sleep.  But that won’t last very long.  Someday, we’re going to have to get up and face that new day when it’s “we”, not “me” and we have a miniature billboard on our ring finger.

I know a lot of us aren’t ready for that.  The biggest factor is freedom.  Sh*t, our ancestors fought for it for years!  I’m not ready for the last stand (the last time you stand as a free man), but what other choice do I have?  The Washington name, and good looks for that matter, need to carry on.  So ladies tell me – what’s up with the pressure for marriage?  If we’re happy as is, can we just be content with the current situation?

General Seattle – Pouring a Lil Liquor Out For His Fallen Soldiers – Washington