Do You Want To Have Sex Or Not?

A Little Something From Seattle

After Tiff’s last post it only seems appropriate, or highly inappropriate, or serve this one up.  I mean, it’s such a simple question, it grabs your attention and yet no one really uses it.  I don’t know why, because it would save us all a lot of trouble.  I was talking with my friend Portland, yep that Portland, from work about a situation that occurred with him and I realized there are so many instances to use this.  Events would be a lot less awkward and chock full of sexual tension.  If only it were socially acceptable for a dude, or woman, to just ask this without getting an eye roll, smacked, put on blast or, worse yet, ruining your chances to get the buns in the future…

For example, you may find yourself in a situation where you’re chillin once again with your usual flirt buddy, only to see her flirting with the next cat later on in the night.  Cool.  Keep it moving mane.  She isn’t your girl, but hey, all this confusion could’ve been prevented if someone just asked – do you want to have sex or not?  If so, let’s bounce while this Henny is still in my system.  If not, I’ll let this Henny mojo work magic on your quiet, but cute, friend over there.  

Or say you’ve been on a date a few times and your soon to be horizontal dance partner is a little shy.  You can see it in their eyes that they want to move forward, but their mind won’t let them.  That’s cool.  Everyone needs time.  But hey, it should be known.  Are you trying your hand at celibacy or are you trying to build the suspense like a Hitchcock movie?  Should l chill and break you off with a piece of my Kit Kat bar later or should I be someone else’s Mr. Goodbar?

And it’s not just us, ladies.  I’m sure there are plenty of times where you want to just ask that dude who you’ve been eyeing across the way at the sports bar, do you want to have sex or not?  Lord knows, you can’t stand to watch the Giants stomp all over the Seahawks any longer and you’d rather be watching another kind of receiving and returning.  Trust us, we’d appreciate the honesty.  Plus, we probably didn’t even notice you.  You’re sitting in front of the TV that has the AFC game on.  But hey, Sunday sex is great sex.

Just my thoughts people.  Let me know, is this question valid and can it really be used by both sexes?  While we’re here, what are some other instances when you’ve just wanted to say, “do you want to have sex or not?”

Seattle – I May Just Start Saying That Soon – Washington


25 responses to “Do You Want To Have Sex Or Not?

  1. mean you do have to give some guys the benefit of the doubt. A lot of guys really ARE busy and have a lot going on. And when men are really busy/stressed out, they tend to go into their “caves” (read “Mars/Venus” book if you’re wondering what that is). It doesn’t mean they love you less, it’s just that guys have a different way of handling stress than women.

    When women are stressed, we tend to find relief by talking it out with our girlfriends, or expressing/venting our feelings in some way. Men don’t usually do this. They usually go off to themselves, or try to deal with the issues at hand on their own. We’re just wired differently that’s all.

    If you guys aren’t exclusively dating/boyfriend-girlfriend yet, then him not calling in 2 days when he’s driving on a trip isn’t that big of a deal IMO. But now if he hasn’t called you in 2+ weeks, then yeah….he’s not as “smitten” with you as he could be. Either that, or he has other girls on the side that he’s spending time with. Guys always like to keep a slew of girls in their back pocket “in case of emergencies”. I finally realize this now.

  2. I get your point Seattle, but I think if a guy said this to me I’d be offended. Even if I DID want to, it’d be kinda like saying “look you’re not worth waiting for anymore so just get to the point,”…I dunno…I wouldn’t like it at all. I think it’d be an instant turn off.

    And on the flip side, I can imagine a guy would LIKE a girl to say this if they just wanted sex. If they wanted a relationship though I’d imagine this could be a turn off to a guy as well. I can’t imagine myself ever saying it…something about the bluntness of it just turns me off.

  3. Vanessa aka Miss V

    you know… i think this is definitely a valid question, but it really matters HOW you say it. the other night, this dirty old man asked me if he can come back to my hotel with me… all he needed was an hr, he said. i actually thought it was funny. yes, it was funny that this old guy thought he could get some from Miss V, but it was also funny because he was so bold to ask. so I say, if a dude approaches it correctly, he’s more than welcome to ask (and maybe it’s just me). i don’t have to say yes, but i’d appreciate the fact that he was upfront about what he wanted… something that guys rarely do these days.

    now on the flipside… would i ask this question? to a stranger, prob not, simply because i don’t want to have sex with someone i don’t know and care about. however, with someone i’m already dealing with, i prefer to be more coy. i guess if he wasn’t getting the hint, it would be the perfect time to drop the question.

  4. The article has a point but as Ms. V puts it, it is how you ask the question. If there is any alcohol in the guys system than it probably won’t come out right and will most likely lead to a smack in the face among black women that is. To be blunt, for a white girl at a bar, after 5 – 10 min, that line would past (meaning the guy would get an answer, simply yes or no).

    On the other hand, if a girl were to ask the question she will more than likely all the time get a smile and a hell yes, but what does that say about the girl who goes and ask a guy that question. It is ‘acceptable’ under in todays society that guys are dogs and would say this. For a girl, it would almost be scary I would have to admit.

  5. If someone asked me that question, I’d prolly tilt my head to the side like a puppy and then do a quick SWOT analysis. Strengths, weaknesses, future opportunity, and threats (i.e. she has “ingrown hairs” that actually happens to be the herp, or she’s a blabbermouth).

    I’m a fan of the “Think First, Pummel Later” ideology.

  6. “Think First, Pummel Later” — that’s great!

    The one time I’ve actually used “do you wanna have sex or not” was hanging out after a date, watching TV with a guy I was interested in . We sat there for what seemed like hours and neither of us was making the first move, so finally I decided to just say what we were both thinking.

    It was like I pressed the on button or something. Dude went from just sitting there like a big rock to ready to rock in less than 5 secs.

  7. hahaha! Uhm that reminds me of the awkward scene in (yes I’m making a movie reference and I don’t care) “Brown Sugar.” When Kelby was drinking that nasty coffee with Syd in the most awkward, sexually tensioned silence. Need I provide the dialogue that commenced?

    Syd: Let’s have sex now.
    Fine a$$ Boris Kodjoe Kelby: Let’s.

    Perrrfect! Though, I will say, I think it only appropriate in that setting with someone you’re already er…comfortable with.

  8. Seattle Washington

    I’d probably have a kool aid smile the size of the cheshire cat if some chick I know did that. Believe it or not, it’s quite alluring when a woman brings out her aggressive side. That is, as long as handcuffs, leather straps and masks don’t brought out along with it.

    But my semi biased friend Mike brought up a good point – would this work on women of other races?

  9. Senor RightCoastLexSteele bka God's Gift to Humanity

    “… but I think if a guy said this to me I’d be offended. Even if I DID want to, it’d be kinda like saying “look you’re not worth waiting for anymore so just get to the point,”…I dunno…I wouldn’t like it at all. I think it’d be an instant turn off.”

    Now what in the hell exactly am I waiting for? You gotta be kidding me. “Have an affair, act like an adult for once.” Now if after you introduce yourself, dude asks to jump your bones, that’s one thing. But if there is mutual attraction and we’ve been vibing pretty well for a while, I dont see why that question is unreasonable. Seriously, what the hell am I waiting for? Are you hazing me? Is there a checklist in your purse that I must complete before being admitted into your spongy palace? It’s simple math…I like you, you like me, I like box, you like schlong, you have box, I have an unlimited supply of schlong. (If you like box too, even friggin better.) We can go out on a million dates and I can get to know you, or I can get to know you butt neked over a turkey sammich and a L. Doesnt mean I dont like you or something cant develop if we get cracking now, but seriously, you knew within the first 5 minutes of meeting me whether or not you were attracted in that way to me. So why are we still just heavily petting each other after 1,2,3 etc months?

  10. Senor RightCoastLexSteele bka God's Gift to Humanity

    Oh yea….

    God Bless White Women, the New York Yankees, the New York Bretts, and the New York Football Giants.

  11. I have nothing to add…just LMFAO..I like box you like schlong, you have box and I have an unlimited supply of schlong…omg LMAO

  12. Ok so about that award for funniest comment ever? Uhm…I’ve been laughing for 15 minutes at Steele’s comment. LMAO! “Are you hazing me? Is there a checklist in your purse that I must complete before being admitted into your spongy palace?” hahaha and everything else that follows…

  13. Vanessa aka Miss V

    Steele, whats wrong with a girl who doesn’t want to give it up too soon (according to her standards, i guess)? You can always holla at the next chick whose wait time is a lot shorter… You can’t be mad at a chick who is not ready.

    LMAO at your comment by the way… loves it!

  14. LOL…… @ Steele’s comment… I really think it depends on the person and the chemistry and the.. but sometimes I dont want you to say it, just do something….. like damn give me an interlude, and nice passionate kiss, kiss my neck, ears , use your imagination.. light up the hot spots and you wont have to ask the question… I will be asking whether you prefer bacon or sausage so I can figure out if I gotta run to the store in the morning

  15. Yes, thank you Shay!!!

    Steele, It’s not like I was sayin you gotta wait x time and do a whole list of things.

    I was just saying I wouldn’t like being asked it. It’s too blunt. Shay has it right, make a move, see if I am into it.

    To clarify, if a random dude said this I would laugh and say hell no, depending on how he said it as someone else pointed out, I may laugh if he was being sarcastic. If it was dead serious I’d be offended wondering why he thought I’d go for it.

    If it’s someone I’ve been dating or someone I’ve already slept with…it wouldn’t be as big of a deal. I guess all in all the tone of how it’s asked definitely matters.

    I think I was assuming a “Do you want to have sex or not?” in an inpatient, let’s get this over with tone.

  16. Also in response to “but seriously, you knew within the first 5 minutes of meeting me whether or not you were attracted in that way to me. So why are we still just heavily petting each other after 1,2,3 etc months?”

    I would say although 9 times out of 10 you do know if you’re sexually attracted to someone right away, I definitely think that as you get to know someones personality you can become more attracted to them. Ex: If you have a decent looking friend who is cool as hell, the more you get to know them the more you think…hmmm maybe I could date him/sleep with him/etc….when initially you may have never thought of them that way.

  17. Doesn’t this go back to an entry from a while ago that I wrote?lol.

  18. Senor RightCoastLexSteele bka God's Gift to Humanity

    In general there’s nothing wrong with it. But this isnt college anymore. I no longer have time for a semester long chess match. I got places to go and people to do. But once again, what is there to “get ready” for? Do you need time for training camp? My wang slanging capabilities may be a bundle to handle, but just sit back, relax and enjoy the ride on Mr. Steele’s c*ckrocket. Look, if we just work together and there hasnt been any romantic interaction, then that question is totally inappropriate. But if we’re going out, spending intimate time together, or if the sexual tension is in the air, then I’ma ask the question. Sure, I could make move to kiss your neck or something, but once again, if you arent “ready” then that move is just as bad as asking the question. And there is the question to be answered of what constitutes “too soon”. If you think 3 months is too soon, then we need not even keep talking. Stop holding on the goodies like a Jew on payday. Either make your mind up, or keep it moving.

    Shay, just worry about the eggs and pancakes, I’ll bring the sausage. BADMAN NUH HAFFI PLEH PAUSE!!!!

    If I have offended any of my Jewish bretheren, I’d like to exonnerate myself by stating that my best friend is a Jewish carpenter and my second best friend is my Jewish accountant. Happy Yom Kippur and three L’Chaims to you all.

  19. OMG LMFAO! C*ckrocket?!?! Lord have mercy!

  20. WithRainbowSprinkles

    “Spongy palace” <– YES!! Still laughing….

    As far as the initial question, no, don’t ask me that…ever. Thanks.

  21. i just wanna know who this lex steele guy is???? lmao!

  22. LMAO! I see RightCoast has everyone giggling as usual…

    I was thinking… if I step and ask the question, then I think a brotha should step up and cook ME breakfast (that’s right I said it!)

  23. Vanessa aka Miss V

    LoL i think this post jinxed me…

    i was out on the town in miami last night and i struck up a conversation with a dude at the club. towards the end of the night, dude was like “when was the last time you had sex?” i looked at him like… wow, thanks 3waystotakeit! and i started to laugh. he didn’t wait for my answer before he said, the last time for me was four years! and i was like, damn dude, that sucks… then I was out.

    but again, i appreciated that he was upfront about what he was looking for… at least it gave me plenty of opportunity to shut it down before it went any further… and in a nice way, too!

  24. I kinda wish I had the balls…to just ask a guy I liked a question like that. However, I have too much to lose. If I had nothing to lose then I would be like hell with it let’s just go for it NOW!. But I’m kinda like really slow chemical with an extremely high activation energy. It just keeps getting higher and harder as time passes. There’s no way I’m going to get over that hump without some Great Big Ginormous catalyst to slide down with me. It’s rather frustrating which is why I walk around feeling like I want to knock out anyone who talks to me two weeks of each month. LOL! I joke, I kid. Kinda.

  25. I’ve actually made breakfast in the morning…but in reality I was just hungry and she woke up lol.

    I think the question depends solely on the moment. If homie rolls up on chica and drops the question like a bomb? It’s probably gonna be him, some lotion, and a towel at the end of the night.

    But two people went out clubbing, meet, dancing getting kinda heavy, is there something wrong with homie asking the question? I’ve done it once and it worked! Admitted, the risk is high but it can work in your favor!

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