Things That Piss Me Off

By Slim Jackson

There are things that make me happy. There are things that make me smile. There are things that make me feel like life is extra peachy and things couldn’t be better. Then there are things that piss me the eff off! Whether I’m walking up the street, sitting on the train, out at a restaurant, or out at a club, there are things that make me wanna shout obscenities or ball up my hand, cock (ultra pause) back my arm, and punch somebody in the throat then ask them to speak to me. The following is a list of things that piss me off. They are in no particular order because they probably piss me off equally. Let the ranting begin…

People using cell phones as a boom box.

I hate when I’m on a bus or train and hear music that isn’t coming from the headphones of someone’s Ipod, Zune, or other musical device. Even if it’s a song that I like, I get equally as pissed off when I look over and see that it’s coming from somebody’s cell phone. This anger is intensified when it’s a young unkempt black guy blasting a song laced with profanities and those in a 10-15 radius are looking appalled. I won’t lie. When I’m in my Altima, I blast these same songs while I’m driving…usually with the windows up because I either have the AC or heat on. But when I’m on public transit or in a very public place, I don’t need to see you nodding your head to your cell phone beyond what’s in your ringtone. I can deal with it for 10 seconds, but not 3 minutes and 45 seconds. Turn that ish off before I punch you in the face have to ask you to turn it off!

N*gga This, N*gga That

This is major problem when I’m on or waiting for public transit. I hate when I’m surrounded by a number of easy-going or professionally dressed white folk and I hear Black or Hispanic folk going nuts with the N-word. There was a time where I was on the subway cringing as the “civil” folks looked to me as if they were quietly saying “That’s your people.” while an ambiguous minority dropped the N-word about 20 times in 60 seconds. As much as I wanted to throw a dagger between the dude’s eyes, I could do little more than act slightly uncomfortable in order to differentiate myself from the ignorant fellow. I nearly got off the train 2 stops early just to get away, but fortunately his stop came up first. When he exited, I took the monkey off my back and placed it on the seat next to me.

Fast Food Drive Thru

They really don’t treat your food the same when they know you’re sitting in your car. If it McDonalds, I get half a thing of fries. I gotta knock on the little glass and ask them to fill it up like I’m in New Jersey getting some gas. If it’s Taco Bell, my Mexican pizza or taco supreme happens to look a little bit sloppier than when I’m in there standing at the counter making sure they don’t do something foul or act haphazardly.

Facebook Statuses Detailing All the Events of One’s Life that Should Be Kept Private

No wonder you’re consistently complaining about being single. I wouldn’t wanna have to deal with you running to your computer every effin time we have a disagreement, or every time your mood changes. If you really want people to ask you what’s wrong, go to an Alcoholics Anonymous group therapy session. You’ll get all the attention you need. I’ve learned more about your relationships and personality via your status and away message updates than he’s probably learned thronxing you snuggling with you at night in real life.

Lack of Driver Acknowledgement When I Wave You Through into Traffic

Mofo, I was nice enough to not block you from getting onto the main road from your one way side street or driveway. The least you can do is quickly put up a hand and maybe a fake smile to acknowledge my good deed. I want to feel good knowing I’ve helped make your life easier, if even only for 2 seconds. When you don’t acknowledge me and speed away, I want my car to turn into a monster truck so it can crush you.

Pedestrians That Think They Are Invincible or Entitled to Cross the Street

Do you want to die? I don’t see a Mario Brothers’ star anywhere. You aren’t flashing colors and I don’t hear any speedy music symbolizing your invincibility. Cars hurt, idiot. You’re lucky I don’t drink and drive usually.

Groupies with College Degrees

You or your parents spent all that money on college, and you’re chasing an effin tour bus? SMH. By the way, did I tell you that I have friends in the music industry? You wanna meet them? Well, everything has a price…

These are just a few things that piss me off. What pisses you off? Keep it clean folks. Don’t make us have to moderate!

Consistently Angry and Always Black,

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29 responses to “Things That Piss Me Off

  1. Number 1 thing that pisses me off is when people are right in front of you entering a building and do not hold the door for you!! This drives me insane. It’s one thing if I am a few or several steps behind you, but don’t let the door slam in my face.

    A lot more things annoy me but that is hands down the # 1 thing. The only time it doesn’t bother me is if it’s an international student because I just assume it is not common in their culture. But, Americans should know common courtesy.

  2. “The only time it doesn’t bother me is if it’s an international student because I just assume it is not common in their culture.”

    You just reminded me of something indirectly. I’m also angered by drivers that constantly look “confused”. If I say any more than that, I will probably get myself in trouble.lol.

  3. Ditto on the people using their cell phones as boom boxes. UGGGGHHHH!!! It makes me angry just thinking about it. There’s a high school by my job and the … children ::pause:: who I’m stuck on the train with for the 40min ride to work seem to think they’re at school in the hallway as opposed to the train.

    Actually…

    the biggest thing that pisses me off is their complete lack of home training on a daily basis. It’s so embarrassing! I have all these white people on the train looking at me like I birthed all of them. I swear one day I’m just gonna knock out somebody’s kid. In the past 2 1/2 years I’ve scolded and/or cussed out a child (I used to teach so I feel entitled to yell at anyone’s kids) at least 3 times.

    And the little girls are the WORST! If one more 15 yr old in knock off Chanel boots and the best of the Urban Outfitter’s sale rack, rolls her eyes at me at me, wayyyyy too early in the morning before I’ve had my Starbucks…

  4. The worse is when people don’t hold the elevator when you’re clearly going there. The other day someone swooped around my co-worker and I, went in the elevator and hit the close button on us. I was tight.. hoping he got stuck on the stuck on the elevator.

    Also, I hate when dudes don’t let females in/out of elevators/doors. Now, I believe men and women are equal, so it shouldn’t matter, right? Wrong. I was given home training from an early age, I love my mother, and still believe SOMEWHAT in old-fashioned values. Aint this the year of the gentlemen? fellas, get it together.. thats why you don’t be gettin’ buns. Yeah. Word up.

    But yo, Slim.. there’s nothing wrong with girls waiting around/trying to get into the tour bus. Hehehehe. Nothing wrong with that at all. The jawn last night was interesting man..

    Gs&B

  5. RightCoastLexSteele bka God's Gift to Humanity

    Ok, threeways crew. I love your blog and as much as I come here to read mind stimulating modern electronically conveyed prose…honestly, I kinda tune in more to see what great and just above the waist verbiage Slim is going to use next to describe coitus! THRONXING?!?!?! DUDE!!!!!!!!!!

    Now as much as I love your word usage, I guess we couldnt hang out because I love saying the n-word. As I’ve said in a previous post, I say it 100 times every morning. Keeps my teeth white. But I think what I hate most is the either usually asian or old white folk that insist on driving 20 miles below the speed limit when I have to get to work. ARE YA KIDDIN ME!! You couldnt wait a couple more hours to pick that SS check gramps? And after all the years of collecting you still have to slow down and squint to find the place?!?!?!?! JEEEEEEEEEZ!

  6. I definitely agree with all of your list. Just to add a few…

    1. Irresponsible Pedestrians (IPs) – I hit one yesterday. I’ll leave it at that.

    2. “Conversate” – It’s not a word, doesn’t sound like a word, and does not make more sense than “converse.” Period. Point. Blank. Thanks.

    3. Real/great/amazing talent rendered useless after extreme commercialization – Jazmine Sullivan.

    Eh…I’m too pissed to continue.

  7. I agreed with your list wholeheartedly. When I’m on the train I see about five kids that I’m ready to smack. I pray that dont catch me drunk cuz i might jus go on an a$$ whooping spree. Knocking out all ppl under the age of 16 in a 3 mile radius….

    I also hate when dudes walk around with their pants at their hamstrings, its ok to sag a lil bit but ninjas are getting foolish. I am so confused, do people think that looks good.

    Whenever I hear people blasting music out of a cell phone, I want to rob them and break their phones. I also had sidekicks, grow up and get a big boy/girl phone

  8. Vanessa aka Miss V

    i def agree with most of the pet peeves. i have to add a couple, though:

    1. People that walk too slow and won’t get out of the way – So, yeah, I’m a New Yorker, and I walk fast. I just hate when people (esp tourists) are on the slow boat to nowhere, and don’t get out of the effing way. Yes, my destination is more important than yours, LoL. As a result, they may get knocked aside by my laptop bag, and no, I don’t apologize.

    2. Girls flashing looks of hate/jealousy – Sorry, sweeties… it’s not cute! Yes, I know I’m fly, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t be fly, too. So stop with the unnecessary envy!

    2.

  9. A few years ago I work in the customer service department at a department store what pisses me off is ..

    1) people are in line talking on their cell phone but yet want me to automatically know what they need and get pissed when don’t acknowledge them. Get off the damn phone

    2) allow their children to climb on fixtures or play on the escalator. When lil Johnny falls and bust his head open don’t look at me for sympathy.

    3) I hate it when people pass me only to get in front of me too slow down or turn.

    I have more not using signal lights to turn, not getting in the effin turn lane to turn ( happened this morning).

  10. I agree with MOST of the list except the FB one. I am guilty of this one so I can’t talk ish about it. Sometimes you don’t realize how explicit a status message is, or how it will be taken, until someone else reads it.

    For me, the list is great but I have to say my biggest pet peeve are drivers who don’t know how to change lanes or merge…I mean seriously why I am playing chicken with you for 25 miles because you dont know to either speed up and get in front or slow the hell down and get behind ;0 the side by side deathmatch as I am speeding to get to work on time is not a good look.

  11. RightCoastLexSteele bka God's Gift to Humanity

    The white man that thought I was a cab driver the other night just because I was standing next to a cab with my dominican friend pissed me off to no end.

  12. Seattle Washington

    Being Six Foot Sexy has it’s drawbacks. It annoys me to no end when I’m minding my business in the grocery store and some short lady looks at me with sympathy as she attempts to grab something from the top shelf.

    Usually I just watch as she fruitlessly jumps up and down looking like a short kid trying to grab rim. Just say something. Use that gullet you usually stuff with those Oreo’s you’re trying to reach and ask me instead of playing the guilt card.

  13. Seattle, I am the short girl in the grocery store. But, I wouldn’t try to guilt trip a “six foot sexy” guy maybe I’m just too stubborn to ask for help so keep trying to stretch my arm a LITTLE bit more.

    haha just playin’. Well…I am 5’0 so I may be guilty of this.

  14. Sowhatiff Jenkins

    Seeing the top of a woman’s crack pisses me off. The crack often comes with a muffin top to match. Chances are, her clothes are too small, and she is playing like she can fit them. Get some bigger jeans please. And a longer shirt. Thanks.

  15. I totally agree with. I can’t stand seeing girls in clothes too small. Ladies I know it’s painful when you have to go up a size in clothes but you’ll feel better, look better, and everyone else will appreciate it!!!

  16. Okay, I must agree with Sowhatiff and add to it.
    Top of a woman’s ass is gross because like she said, there’s a muffin top. I can’t stand when girls wear clothes that don’t fit them. We don’t know what number your jeans are, just wear something that fits!
    I hate tight tight shirts with small bras because I am forced to look at your back fat cleavage.
    I am humored and annoyed at girls who rock those stupid clear high, platform heels. They are fug, will always be fug and you look like a desperate fool.
    Lastly, coming from California, I HATE HATE HATE when girls wear UGGS with their mini skirts or shorts with their tank tops and scarf. So horrendously inappropriate for our weather.

  17. Sowhatiff Jenkins

    LMAO @ “Back fat cleavage”!!!!!!! Damn that stuff is gross.

  18. uh-oh i am one of the girls wearing uggs in the wrong season. Sorry, they are just so comfy that I don’t mind running to the store in booty shorts a tank top and uggs 😉

    if we are including fashion pet peeves i hate when girls wear headscarves in the street – i mean if you didn’t have time to comb ya hair, don’t leave the house…just makes me wanna scream mammy at them….

  19. You know what pisses me off is when people assume to know something when they don’t.

    Like my trip to KFC last night, the young spanish girl taking my order gets upset because when my food comes i tell her this is not what i asked for. Now if she would have been paying attention instead of clucking behind the register with her homegirl. I wouldn’t have to be beefing, so she proceeds to say something to her friend in spanish about me.

    So now i feel insulted even more because she tried to play me. So i replied to her in spanish saying she could have just said it in englis. Her mouth proceeds to drop open, while the other young buck laughs at her.

    That pisses me off don’t make assumptions..

  20. Ainz, I wish I spoke a bunch of popular languages so I could chime in when someone pulled stuff like that. It’s better to make someone’s jaw drop by knowing the language than hitting them in the jaw and watching them drop to the floor.

  21. Slim, yea trust me i know its more funny to see their reaction more than anything else.

  22. RightCoastLexSteele bka God's Gift to Humanity

    My response would have been, “Si, estoy un pendejo MUY grande, pero su madre le gustaria chupanda y traganda me.” It’s clean Slim, I swear…

    I also hate as a C.I. smoker, when I specifically ask for Parliament shorts and for some odd reason the idiot behind the counter hands me Newport 100’s. Contrary to popular opinion, Newport is not the official cigarette of the African American community.

  23. umm yes newports are the official cigarette of the african american community and i know this bc one of my pet peeves is not being able to purchase parliaments on my side of town….

  24. “Si, estoy un pendejo MUY grande, pero su madre le gustaria chupanda y traganda me.”

    LMAO! Se dice limpio? Creo que no…

  25. Vanessa aka Miss V

    LMAO @ back fat cleavage… lets not forget the excess cleavage that falls out the top and sides in the front…. muy nasty!

  26. Miss V, let’s also not forget what I like to call “long cleavage”… having larger breasts comes with responsibilities. Yes, good bras are more expensive but there is NO excuse for having foot long cleavage!

    También, estoy de acuerdo… necesitamos una pastilla de jabón para su boca Señor Lexington!

  27. Sowhatiff Jenkins

    ::embarassed because I took Espanol para cinco anos and can barely make out what yall are saying::

  28. The “social site updates” and the “knock off Chanel/BAPE/True Religon or any other kinds of clothes your parents cant afford.

    For us that grew up in the 90’s the clothing pecking order was easy and strict. If you or anyone close relative sold CRACK yall was fly. You rocked Polo cashmere with Girbauds, the Tedy knitted and every pair of Timbs and Jordans, you even threw in some Guess jeans of course the jacket too and you had a months worh of gear. Parents had a “real good job”, moms dukes is a CO, or pops works for The State or MTA you was fly too but on a “academic budget” you know nothing “under B’s”. Outside of that there wasnt much and today its like musical chairs with more chairs than people so eveyone gets a seat when the music stops. No matter your status-moms aint never had a job or only got one cause of the new welfare requirements, Pops even if around aint got that much money neither..the answer BOOTLEG.

    Problem today its GROWN men and women…mainly the women are rocking all of this obvious fake Coach and Gucci and Prada gear and WE ALL KNOW its fake besides once you brought a weeks worth how are you “saving” anything?

    As for FB, myspace etc, yea its so lame its never the guy you wanna do some business with saying he’s opened a new location or a women promoting her new line of products no teh updates are the Fabulous Girls with a$$ poking pics (never raunchy but you know what shorty got f-imagination!!!!!) or club or “I”m goin out “pics….Why? I mean you just put up twelve pics just like these.

    How many of your summer dresses and little black dresses and spandex/lycra pics do we need to see before we know “yea she’s got it”,?

    (And the ever so lame “see we are eating pics” a huge flaw with cell phones cams is their convenience is their flaw )

    I never understood why you need to put every pic up there for basically strangers-no matter how many real friends you have in real life all of ’em are NOT on myspace.

  29. Senor RightCoastLexSteele bka God's Gift to Humanity

    Muy limpio! I could have said something like…”Maldita se a tu madre se puta.” But I didnt.

    Three cheers for my puertoriquenos and domicanos for putting me on to game!

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