Call Me Racist But…

Some things should be left to certain people. You don’t see me over here trying to open up an Irish pub called Seattle O’Leary’s do you? Wait, wait… I’m getting ahead of myself a little bit. Let me back up and set the story for y’all.

Slim and I were roaming around this past weekend, looking for food, depreciating the value of the neighborhood we were in with every step that we took. After scouring the block for a place with some decent grub, we stumbled upon a pizza place. A small Mom & Pop pizza joint where the ovens had more space than the customers. Now perhaps this is my prejudiced New York side coming out, but does anyone else expect a pizza place to be owned by Italians? Or at least managed by Italians? Well to my surprise it was owned and maintained by Eastern Europeans. Really son? You’re not even close to Italian. If I wanted some premium vodka I would’ve looked to Russia, right now I just I want some good pizza. Hence why I turned to my Mediterranean friends. And why I abruptly turned around and bounced. When I grew up, if you walked into a Chinese takeout spot everyone there was Chinese. To my knowledge anyway. Same thing with the local pizza shop or the bodega. Now when I stroll into joints, things are all messed up.

Well, this wasn’t just an isolated incident. Around the corner from where I used to live, there’s a bodega owned by some East Africans. In another neighborhood I used to reside, there was another pizza joint owned by Russians. I swear they just reheated some DiGiornio’s and threw it in a box… Think the best example of this type of culture confusion happened awhile ago after a crazy night at a local bar. Some friends and I busted into a Mexican Pizza place owned by Middle Eastern people. Yeah. Let me say that again for you. It was a spot that served both Mexican and Italian food and it was owned by Middle Eastern people. It was either the ninth wonder of the world or the seventh ring of hell depending on how you look at it. Or what you ordered. Like the pizza that tasted like cardboard with Spaghetti O’s on top.

Now, I still eat Qdoba and Domino’s every now again. When I feel like clogging my arteries. And I try my hand at making stir fry knowing damn well, I have no connection to Asian culture. America is all about appropriating food and other parts of other folks’ culture. I dig that. That’s why I can buy Goya and Lo Mein noodles all at the same grocery store. But the blatant deceiving, c’mon man? At least be honest. If I saw a sign that said “Russian Remixed Pizza” or even, “You’d Have to be Really Drunk to Enjoy This”, I’d appreciate the honesty. I’d keep it moving, but I appreciate the honesty. Don’t try and fake the funk and sell me some food that you and I know isn’t up to par.

All I’m saying is some things should be left to their owners. But if anyone wants to open an Irish pub that sells Jamaican beef patties and a mean chicken fried rice, holla at me. We can build.

Seattle – Sometimes They Call Me Marco Polo – Washington


11 responses to “Call Me Racist But…

  1. While on this blob topic of confounding culture clish-clash; wassup with the BLACK hair product business aka “Beauty Supplies” being almost totally monopolized by Koreans??? I’ve never seen a Korean raving over the wonders that Dark & Lovely has done for hair. Nor do I ever want to see one. If I do, I will have to go to jail after I swing her by her hair into on-coming traffic. LOL. Naw, but I will be highly indignant.

  2. NO..Seriously Seattle. There is an Asian-Owned Restaurant called “Lunch Stop” in ATL that sells their version of Jamasian Beef Patties. I pass the sign everyday. I’m too apprehensive to try it though. I don’t know if it might be really ground beef or fresh Fido in those patties. LOL. Yeah, I’m going to hell with ethanol soaked undies, yada yada yah. I know.

  3. Literally LOL over here!

  4. Don’t stunt on asian folk.

    1. Spanish food cooked by Asians = dope
    (there are apparently alot of chinese in countries like venezuela.)

    2. Some dope west indian markets I shop at are owned by Chinese (Jamaicans).

    3. The Jabberwockeez can dance they asses off.

    I will say that I don’t like how the korean lady be watching me EVERY time I go to the store since I was FIVE years old. You would think twenty years of patronage and NOT stealing anything/NEVER being disrespectful would grant a lil more credit. BUT, since we all look alike she probably couldn’t differentiate between Me and Lil Fish Grease who buys fitted hats at a similar frequency.

    The worse I’ve seen really isn’t THAT bad but it bothered me…

    @ a local chinese spot near my school, there was a white guy who delivered Chinese food.

    I’m sure he didn’t cook it. But it didn’t matter to me. It still bothered me.

    Then there was the arab pizza spot that had the “slaves” in the basement, but we won’t talk about that…

  5. RightCoastLexSteele bka God's Gift to Humanity

    Racist. I’ll be back later.

  6. I know in the West Indies, there are tons of Chinese ppl so I can see how they get infused into the culture and start making West Indian food.

    Near my crib there is a restaurant that serves chinese and mexican food.

  7. LMAO to the slaves sleeping in the basement of a pizza restaurant. Reminds me of an incident…

    I was in my hometown with one of my friends and we stopped at a Pizza place owned by some Lebanese folks. Owner saw that I was with a female friend (strictly a friend. no buddy system), and was like “get the lady some alcohol”. I’m like what the eff are you talking about? Dude tells me to follow him, which I reluctantly do. What I thought was his office with a one way glass to see into the restaurant turned out to be a bedroom with bottles of alcohol, a sound system for the restaurant, stray papers, and posters on the wall. The dude was living in the effin restaurant. He tried to get me to lure a chick back there to get her drunk. Talk about Greeze?

    Can you imagine if I were a regular insignificant Joe with just as much Greeze as the owner? I woulda been back there delivering the pumpington while watching drunk people eat pizza. Awkward to say the least.

  8. Seattle Washington

    Yeah, I gotta co-sign with the statements above. Having a Jamaican-Chinese cousin, I know all about the mixing. Matter of fact, there used to be a spot in NYC where you could get a mean brown stew chicken with some fried rice. Can’t stunt on our Asian brethren they hold it down. With that said…

    Lol. An Arab Pizza spot? Equipped with slaves? Really G&B?

  9. Seattle… you wouldn’t even believe. Ask Slim tho.. I wish I was lying.

    The pizza wasn’t half bad tho.. way better than some of the other spots around that were actually owned by italians. I guess upstate new york italians and not = to Mario/Joe/Alfredo/Frankie’s Pizza where I’m at.

    but the “slaves” were real talk… although I don’t think anyone personally confirmed it… we knew what it was.

  10. So this has nothing to do with your writing but everything to do with RACE and the ISM…

    Why is it that a Black Man can create a tiny piece called a filament (electric light – Lewis Latimer) that allows people to see in the dark? But can’t be seen fit to lead a country to the true light.

    Why is it that a Black Man can create an instrument (clock – Benjamin Banneker) that all people use to tell time? But people don’t think it is time for him to run a country.

    Why is it that a Black Man can design a place for the high authorities to meet in and a place for the president to live in (The Capital and the White House Phillip Reid (a slave) and Pierre L’Enfant)? But not good enough to lead these meetings or live in himself.

    Why is it that a Black Man was brilliant enough to do the first open heart surgery (Dr. Daniel Hale Williams) and show the world how to get and preserve plasma (Dr. Charles Drew)? But not good enough to put a program in place where ev eryone can afford this surgery.

    Why is it that a Black Man was creative enough to design an instrument (traffic light – Garrett Morgan) to bring multiple people (traffic) to a halt? But not seen creative enough to design a plan to bring all this unnecessary and worthless fighting between countries.

    Why is it that a Black Man could create the soles (shoes – Jan Matzeliger) that people walk on every day? But not seen good enough to fill the shoes of a bad president.

    Why is it that a Black Man was smart enough and brave enough to teach himself (Fredrick Douglas and Thomas Fuller – both slaves) and others how to read, write and/or calculate math? But not seen smart enough and bold enough to calculate a platform to be President to a country that sure needs another first by us.

    So you see my Brothers and Sisters what I am saying is let us not forgot our past, which led us to our present and can definitely be the backbone to our future.

    We were good enough, smart enough, creative enough, and bold enough then, so let us all give Obama the chance to show that we are still these things and more.

    We all are as strong as our weakest link, so do not be that weak link that denies our people that chance to show we still can OVERCOME AND BE THE FIRST! OUR NEXT PRESIDENT OF THESE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA !

  11. Seattle Washington


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