8 Ways To Tell She’s Not That Into You

By Sowhatiff Jenkins

Ladies, have you ever made the terrible error of giving a dude your number, just to be nice. Well, I have. This is one of those mistakes that you don’t have to make twice in order the learn the lesson. Or how about engaging in a few unintellectual conversations because you are not really sure how to let him down? In any event, I thought it’d be fun to let men know when the woman they met probably just wanted to leave it at that…

1. She does not return your phone calls, texts, emails, or other forms of communication.

This is probably the only time a No. 1 on a list of mine that will actually denote its importance. Its amazing how when you’ve given a dude your number, and spoken to him say, twice, months later, he still finds the need to call you. No, you two didn’t establish a friendship in those two conversations. And it should be clear when she didn’t call you back the first 7 times, that she’s probably not interested in you…on any level.

2. When you go out places, or stay in, she doesn’t seek comfy cozy closeness.

You know what this feels like. The two of you are out walking to the restaurant, and she maintains a bit of a distance from you. Or somehow, you’ve gotten her to come over to watch a movie, and she stays snuggled on the far corner of the couch, resisting those attempts at sensual touching.

3. When you greet each other, she gives you the “booty out” hug.

Ladies, you know you have given more than one of these hugs before. And you probably get a little wigged out when he tries to rub the small of your back all slowly and stuff. Then, as you back away from the “embrace” you try to hide the look of disgust discomfort on your face.

4. She looks at you crazy when you move in to kiss her.

She gives you that, “Um, what do you think you’re doing” look. Or if you’ve actually been stealthy enough to make lip to lip contact, she is pulling back like a receding hair line. Didn’t you notice her eyebrows raising up?? Or maybe her shoulder muscles getting all tense?   Yeah. Those were signs to back up off her.

5. She always has a reason NOT to do something with you.

This one probably hurts. You ask her to the movies. She says nope. Invite her to a friend’s party. She reluctantly obliges. Then, she calls in sick. You invite her for some coffee at the local S-bucks. She already has plans. You just heard about this new exhibit at the art museum and guess who you still want to invite. Has not your ego been bruised enough?

6. She talks about other potential boos.

If she keeps bringing up her date with the next guy, and how cute she thinks he is, she is probably trying to tell you that you are not the desired object of her affection.

7. She asks you about your friends.

This may sound like it has grease written all over it, but as long as she is not trying to get with you and your boy (unless that’s how yall roll), then you’re good. Well, not really because she is in fact trying to tell you to buzz off, but you get what I mean.

8. She is OD (extra) mean and bitchy.

I have to admit, I am guilty of this one. You poor saps think she is just playing hard to get. Nope. Not at all. She is just hoping that her meanness will turn you off and send you in the other direction. And if you are still trying to get at her, clearly her efforts have failed. Or you are just super dense.

Let’s keep the party going. What have you ladies done to tell a dude to buzz off? And guys, let’s not act like a woman has never done the Heisman on that ego before.

**Ms. Jenkins note: Questions like “What is the Heisman?'”will not be entertained.**


32 responses to “8 Ways To Tell She’s Not That Into You

  1. I’ve gotta disagree. I’m quite sure you’re one of the sane, intelligent females out there, so these signs would probably be spot on for you. Unfortunately, I’ve had the (dis)pleasure of dealing with a few women for whom a restraining order was a method of court ship. I wish I was exaggerating. Maybe I’ve just never had a girl that “wasn’t in to me”, but the signs have never been that cut and dry. I’ve called a chick 5 times over the course of a few weeks with no call back, just to have her accost me at a party because I was “ignoring her”. I’ve had girls talk about all the guys they were trying to get with, and then admit they were just trying to get me jealous or see my reaction. And as for the last one, every time I’ve stopped pursuing someone cause they suddenly seemed to hate my guts, they blow up my phone AND gmail. It could just be that I go after women with communication issues…

  2. Nice post! Funny how these seem so obvious for us females…but as Ironman does point out women can do this stuff and then back track or do a 180.

    I do think some women have strange techniques at attracting men, like the ignore for awhile, then freak out when the guy finally gives up, or talking about others to inspire jealously. Doesn’t make any damn sense to me, but some ladies think the games are the only way to get a man now…who knows.

    But I would say I am on Sowhatiff’s level…all of these are signs that I would not want a guy, and I’m thinking any chick who is not into game playing can agree.

  3. Seattle Washington

    Question ladies – why not just tell dude that you’re not interested? As Ironman pointed out, several of these points are also techniques for wooing.

    I know it’s hard to be straightforward, but sometimes you just gotta club the baby seal.

  4. “Question ladies – why not just tell dude that you’re not interested?”

    Even then, Seattle, some guys are annoying, needy, hard-headed mothaf… persistent little buggers and won’t care what you tell them. I’ve had several instances where I’ve told a guy more or less “thanks, but no thanks” and he still kept chasing. In some cases, I’ve even had to go as far as pulling out the “I got a man” line. You know how annoying this is when you’re actually single?! It’s like thanks for reminding me that I don’t have a man. What’s worse? Sometimes they still chase: “Oh ya man won’t let you have friends? I just wanna be ya friend, ma.” Eff outta here with that ish! You and I both know you tryna run game. While the persistence of the swagalicious is pretty sexxy, the annoyance of the swagless is not. So stop, thanks.

  5. I’m not into the chase. It takes too much energy. If I see any of the signs above, I’m outta there. I hate games too, unless we talkin about basketball, football, or playstation. I have the attention span of a squirrel when it comes to trying to figure out what the deal is with somebody. I’ll holler at or call text somebody else who doesn’t present such a challenge. I’ll leave the chase to the pretties.

  6. This happens mostly by black woman towards black men. There seems to be some perception that we are all good for nothing except that o so good one thing.

    But wait, for the fellas, show her your car, house, degrees and watch all that attitude go right out the window.

  7. 3. When you greet each other, she gives you the “booty out” hug.

    I disagree with this one b/c i’ve had women give me this at the beginning of the night but by the end of the night we was doing the booty in roll around.

  8. LMAO. There’s something about the thought of a 300 pound football player (pause) rolling around with a small chick that really makes me laugh and makes her scream.

  9. hahahahahaha

  10. Seattle Washington

    LMAO @ Slim.

    C’mon now, I know you ladies have more than 8 ways to play games tell a dude you’re not interested. Inform a brother…

  11. Vanessa aka Miss V

    Sowhatiff, you hit it dead on. I’ve used most, if not all, of these techniques, and a lot of time they are successful at giving dudes a hint that I am not interested.

    I’ve also had that “we’re cool/friends/homies etc etc” discussion, but I found that to not be successful (for some reason, dudes think they can change your mind if they are persistent).

    But true story…. i used to go out on dates with this guy that was trying to holla, but I wasn’t interested in him like that ( I thought he was cool, though). Eventually he was getting on my nerves, so I started using the excuse that I was busy with work and studying, so I couldn’t chill with him like that. So anyway, we work for the same company and he invited me to some diversity event. When I sent him a text to get more details, he responded like, “who is this?” I was like, wtf… you deleted my number?? After a few minutes of shock/anger/annoyance… I came down to size and realized it may have been a good thing (needless to say, I didn’t go to the event after all)… LoL.

  12. Sowhatiff Jenkins

    A little bitter are we? 😉 Are you implying that these kinds of rejections are limited to black women to black men? I’m sure there are dense dudes across all racial and ethnic lines…

  13. Miss V,

    Why go out on a date with homie if you’re not interested in that at all? a “date” as friends?

    and also… what if he got a new phone and couldn’t transfer his numbers (has happened to me about 7 times in the past 2 years)… why does everyone get offended with the “who’s this?” question.??

  14. Seattle to answer your question – which someone already did…being straightforward back fires!!!!

    I am brutally honest because I think life is too short to give ppl the run around. So if I am not into a guy I will just say it. But, problem is, guys seem to think this is ammo for them to keep tryin, or run some diff kinda game on you…it’s really annoying in the long run but some guys are just persistent, or think you’re lying when you say you’re not into them.

    The guys I’ve been straight up w/ to say I am not into you, have told me they kept trying b/c they thought I was saying that to GET them to keep trying…I was like…what is wrong with just being honest!?! It’s sad that honesty is so rare nowadays that people awesome you’re always working some kind of game.

    Anyway, that’s my 2 cents.

  15. lol…awesome is supposed to be assume…I clearly am out of it today.

  16. I mostly agree with this Sowhatiff, all of the above are good signs but I have to disagree with the last one. I am usually super nice all the time and I have tried turning on the “bitch” to run someone away. BUT a lot of men find that bitchyness attractive.

    My experiences have taught the best way to deal with the dude who won’t get the hint is to use them up. I know this sounds terrible, but if i tell you I’m not into you and you keep pushing. I will just use you for free meals, movies, rides, gas etc etc etc and eventually you will get fed up and leave b/c all dates end at the front door w/ the booty out hug 😉

  17. “I am usually super nice all the time and I have tried turning on the “bitch” to run someone away. BUT a lot of men find that bitchyness attractive.”

    Interesting. The B-word is usually preceded by “crazy”. Since some dudes are attracted to crazies, and this word is usually before the B-word, then I guess they can be one and the same?

    Not that I think you’re either of these words…but I sure do hope not for the sake of the men in your life.lol

  18. Seattle Washington

    Now I ain’t saying you’re a golddigger Insomnia Poet, but those are some real golddigger tendencies. The other options seem reasonable in comparison, though I still don’t quite understand how “I’m not quite into you” followed up with ignoring isn’t acceptable.

    Just a word to the wise – Pull that trick on the wrong dude and you might end up using all that money you saved on food and gas for security guards and a restraining order homie. Mess around and we’ll start calling you Fiddy Cent.

  19. This pretty funny, but i learned a long time ago that a woman know’s whether she is going to entertain you from the first time she lays eyes on you ( i see what my sisters do to guys smh). Of course there are times, when things happen unexpectedly. Hey we men love a challenge sometimes, and sometimes you ladies can be extra diffucult. Like i tell my sister just tell dude its not going down, because when they turn out to be crazy. She wants to call big brother to go regulate.

  20. RightCoastLexSteele bka God's Gift to Humanity

    Sounds like more of the same stupid games women play. Honestly, sounds more like stringing dude along than anything else. Seriously, the time, money and effort I spent on our “date” could have been best spent somewhere else or on someone else. How about if you arent interested in me, dont give me your phone number. If a guy did half the nonsense on this list to a female (or when they do I should say), you’d have his ass on Dontdatehimgirl.com in a minute. (Yes, that is actually a website.) Seriously, why are we in the crib chillin if you have no intentions of it going anywhere…you just wanna sit on the other side of the room like it’s a high school dance? What…are you 10? I’ve said it a million times, women dont know what they want. And I fully expect some young lady to respond with the “No, I’m different” or “You cant generalize ” bullshit. But guess what, you’re not and I can. (Refer to the 1st amendment) Imagine if a guy hit you with #’s 6,7, and 8. In your mind, he’d a playa/giggalo who is seeking to fill you and all your friends full of mango seed with his pumpington, and to top it all off, he’s a prick. Talk about a double standard……………………………………..

  21. whoa whoa whoa!

    Slim, I will give you that crazy and/or bitch are not good qualities for a girl and thank you I am not that way – unless i am trying to run away a persistent fellow.

    Seattle – you are 100% correct that it is “golddiggerish” to use a man as I mentioned earlier but the whole point of this post, so I thought, was to discuss how to run off the man who DOESN’T get the point and sadly most men will get the point from the behavior I discussed.

    I thought the whole issue in this post is getting rid of the man who doesn’t take no for an answer. I know you gentlemen (on this blog) don’t believe it, but this is VERY hard to do with a lot of men these days. I have met a man in the street, knew from minute one I wouldn’t date him but the only way to get him to allow me (and my girls) to enjoy the remainder of the evening WAS to give him the number RightCoast. I have given the wrong number to have a man dial the number right then in front of me to make sure it was mine and then have to argue for 30 mins (in public) about how I gave him the wrong number ONLY because he wouldn’t leave me the hell alone when I said NO thank you the first 20 times. Also, I have met people and thought there could be something there and then after a date, or phone conversation, I realize not so much. Then I tell them “we should just be friends” or “I am not really feeling you like that” then I resort to Sowhatiff’s list and they are STILL being persistent. If after all this, you are gonna call all day and the bug the shit out of me and wonder what went wrong or what you can do blah blah blah then I think you owe me dinner for causing me stress. If I can’t get rid of you I can at least get some benefit out of you.

    Maybe if you men would teach your brethren that swagger does not equal annoyance we women wouldn’t have to resort to trickery. There is no need for games when you are dealing with a grown man (which yall all appear to be) but when you are dealing with some of these knuckleheads the only thing that works is to run them off by any means possible.

  22. “In your mind, he’d a playa/giggalo who is seeking to fill you and all your friends full of mango seed with his pumpington, and to top it all off, he’s a prick.”

    I was waiting to see that string used.lol.

    By the way, a chick can get rid of a dude by getting OD clingy and talking about relationships on the first date. That ignites the fight or flight response. We’ll either fight for your poompoom, or we’ll get out before we end up at Kay Jeweler.

  23. Sowhatiff Jenkins

    Please do not get me started on the games men play. That entry will coming forthwith.

    ::insert applause::

    Insomnia, you have extracted the point quite astutely. I did not write this entry talking about the grown men with pride and “good” sense. The stuff on this list are largely last resorts, when you tried to give the boot, and the average James still doesn’t get it. True grown women don’t play the games. And this my friends, is not a list of games.


    (apparently the need to spare one’s feelings get in the way).


  25. I still say dont have to give out your number and if you are with your girls…keep it moving-esp on the street in public-but I still say you dont have to give out your number…now would you give out the number to the same guy in the club (since the ladies now have turned a public street into a phone booth), does Perisintent Guy in club get the number or do you just stop dancing and exit the dancefloor on his ass?

    But PG in the streets yall just give in? Makes no sense honestly.

  26. Hi, My Name is….and I’m a mind game player. after reading this list I realized…I did like 7 out of 8 things you listed to two guys I was very much interested in this past summer. I call it, “My Test” to see if the dude is really, really interested. My logic if they are really, really interested then they will endure anything with only the promise of not getting anything. They both eventually stopped calling me and I wondered why for a while. Now I know. LOL. Maybe that’s why I’m still single, un-sexy, and free.

  27. I should write an entry called “8 Ways to Make Him Put His Piece Somewhere Else”.

  28. RightCoastLexSteele bka God's Gift to Humanity

    Can you ladies please send me some information on where I can donate to your “building” funds? So you can continue to build your monuments of inadequacies. I need another tax write off.

  29. Some men just don’t want to see the flashing signs telling them you’re NOT interested.

    To illustrate I’ll share the following anicdote:

    Several months ago I had the traumatic experience of being hounded on the city bus by this man who would just not go away. I am in no way about to exaggerate in my description of said man… he:

    *had on a shit brown button up, opened to about the navel

    *had nappy chest hair and was super sweaty

    *weighed about 350 lbs or so

    *only had about 5 teeth in his head

    *had a claw for a forearm (yes, a metal claw like Captain Hook)

    So he makes his way to the seat behind me on the bus. I do my best to avoid eye contact and turn up my headphones, yet and still he sits behind me and says “good afternoon”. Now I believe there’s no need to be rude to people, so I turned and said ‘good afternoon’ back and quickly returned to my silent prayer that he would leave me alone. He continues to ask me about my day, and then work around to asking me about the ring that I’m not wearing. I tell him he cannot have my number, he asks if I’m dating someone and I say yes (okay so I told 1 lie). He then proceeds to ask me if we can be ‘friends’. At this point I pull out the cell phone and begin frantically calling for a lifeline. He then informs me that he “might be the one” for me and that he could be my friend on the side…

    Now… not to say that obese amputees with bad dental hygiene don’t need love too, but damn… if this dude can’t get the hint, with all that he doesn’t have going for him… can you only imagine the delusions that your average man had about his chances?!?!?

    After 10mins of trying not to be rude and ask him to leave me the F alone, I got up and moved to another seat.

    *** Note: It was only when he got off the bus that I noticed he also had a prosthetic leg


    it was a day of commuting :o/

  30. LMFAO

  31. WithRainbowSprinkles

    “not to say that obese amputees with bad dental hygiene don’t need love too”

    Thank you for that, it’s been a long day, I needed that….

    *still chuckling*

  32. “*had a claw for a forearm (yes, a metal claw like Captain Hook)”

    Uhm I’m just now seeing this…and it made my Monday.

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