The Last Stand (It’s the Remix Baby)

A Little Something From Seattle

For this segment, we decided to bring back an oldie, but a goodie.  I dug through the crates and found an original Seattle joint, The Last Stand.  Think it was somewhat appropriate after reading Slim’s post.  On that note, herrrre we go…

For some of us it is fast approaching, for some of us it is here and for some of us it’s already too late.  Some of us have been chasing it down since birth, others are avoiding it like it was death itself.  And now people are arguing for the right to do it just as much as people argue over when to do it.  What am I talking about?

Marriage.

It’s a widely known practice that’s about as puzzling as my intro.  No one quite knows what to do once you get into it, nor are they sure about how they feel about it.  Many men are conflicted.  On one hand, it’s tough enough being a boyfriend – always wrong, freedom slowly slipping away and you have more pussy (cat) thrown at you now than when you were single (Honestly ladies, what the f*ck?).  If it’s like this now… you see where I’m going.  On the other hand, no one wants to be that old dude in the club.  And no matter what any dude tells you, that’s always in the back of his mind.

I saw one in action recently and he just reaffirmed my thoughts.  There he was in all his glory.  A sixty-year old white man chillin at this lounge I frequent.  He had on his finest slacks and striped button down.  Unfortunately for me, and the rest of the folks in the spot, he decided he wasn’t going to button the appropriate amount of buttons on that shirt of his.  Proudly flaunting his aged taco meat as well as his tight gold chain.  And I don’t mean tight like it was hot.  No no no.  I mean tight as in it was going to pop off and fly in someone’s drink if he turned his head too quickly.  On top of all that, he was accompanied by a thirty something year old woman who was an escort.  Just to clarify, I’m not hating.  I’ve seen a sugar daddy in action, but this was far from it.  The woman was definitely an escort.  He was paying for the pum pum. That’s no good in my book.

So what are we young, upstanding gentlemen to do?  On one hand I know I’m far from ready to settle down, put up the white picket fence, have a golden retriever running around the yard and be tackled by some bad ass lil bastards kids calling me daddy.  Personally, I’m still thankful, yes thankful; I didn’t have any calls on Fathers’ Day.  (Shout out to the Black Men doing their thing though! What up Pops!!!)  But I can’t hold out forever because ladies have biological clocks and when they start ringing somehow I need to wake up?  Smh.  The dudes I know have been successful in treating it like any other clock.  Hitting the snooze, rolling over, putting the pillow over their heads and going back into blissful sleep.  But that won’t last very long.  Someday, we’re going to have to get up and face that new day when it’s “we”, not “me” and we have a miniature billboard on our ring finger.

I know a lot of us aren’t ready for that.  The biggest factor is freedom.  Sh*t, our ancestors fought for it for years!  I’m not ready for the last stand (the last time you stand as a free man), but what other choice do I have?  The Washington name, and good looks for that matter, need to carry on.  So ladies tell me – what’s up with the pressure for marriage?  If we’re happy as is, can we just be content with the current situation?

General Seattle – Pouring a Lil Liquor Out For His Fallen Soldiers – Washington

Advertisements

22 responses to “The Last Stand (It’s the Remix Baby)

  1. Well, I know it seems a tad bit strange with me being a young woman and all, but I really don’t fiend too much for holey matrimony. BLECH! Even stranger is the fact that I was raised in a “traditional” two-parent home with parents who have been married for more than a quarter century! My parents hardly ever argue, fight, or do anything that would be detrimental to their marriage. After all these years, they’re like best friends. It’s amazing! While I was always ever grateful to God for blessing my parents with an exemplary (albeit yaaawwwwn!) marriage; I was never one of those girls who fantasized every detail of a perfect dreamday wedding down to the last fondant Lily on the wedding cake. When I was a child, I thought about marriage passively, because it was so far away and intangible just like everything else in the “grown-up” world. Now that I’m “grown-up”, I really just cringe at the thought that I will very soon be, if not already, of “prime marrying age”. Don’t ask. I really don’t know what “prime marrying age” means. 22-27? 25-30? Who knows? The prime for one person may be the nadir for someone else. All I know, it’s hard to hide my initial gag reflex whenever I see that another of my peers has put up wedding photos (or baby pics) on Facebook. It’s not that I’m not happy for their martimonial bliss, (in fact I’m really happy that I’m not in their place), it’s just that everytime I see another one biting the dust (a little harsh?) ; I feel that my family/friends will soon start wondering about me and asking questions. I just need my freedom to do what I’ve always wanted to do and enjoy my life. Getting married and having children has always seemed like living on The Riker’s Island of Boredom. Who knows? Maybe I’ll have a change of heart in a few years? Maybe when my biological alarm starts blaring, I’ll transform into one of those dreaded, baby-hungry, ring-hunters. Years from now, I may end up celebrating my Golden with my “hubby wubby” and our 10 children. *Gagging* However, for now, I’m chilling and doing me.

  2. You know, there’s been a dramatic increase in the number of facebook status changes and picture galleries for babies and marriage. Despite how many times it happens, I still seem equally as surprised. Sometimes I have to laugh though. Cuz honestly, I see dudes hugged up and smiling in the picture about their life-long commitment, while I’m shaking my head and thinking of allll the dudes I know who sampled her goods. Then again, I’m reverting to a previous entry.

    Marriage can wait though. If I smell hunger for marriage and regimented relationship progress, it’s a wrap.

  3. I second Yeah Whatev. I am all about doing me right now for awhile. I cringe seeing the updated facebook statuses of engaged or married so frequently because I’m like damn all of my friends are getting married now? I’m no where near close to that stage of life.

    What I will say though is that although I’m not feeling the biological clock or the thrist for a ring (so many of my female friends look on Tiffanys.com at rings for fun, I don’t get it), I do have a fear of being the single woman with an amazing career, but no one to take to the work holiday party at 30, 40, 50, etc. I’m so driven and motivated to succeed in my career because I’ve worked my A** off all throughout undergrad, going on to grad school, completing 4 internships, etc that I just don’t want to be so focused that I miss out on having a good guy by my side. However on the flip side right now (and the past 4 years) I’ve felt like I am doing me right now, I don’t want or need a guy to take away my focus.

    So, I guess for me in a sense I want the freedom like you, Seattle…but it’s more the freedom to take big career moves without consulting a guy who may hold me back.

    Marriage is scary, let’s be real. It’s so “binding,” yet so destined for failure (50% end in divorce now, right?). I think the days where everyone assumed every couple was happily married are gone. Now it’s a more rare occurrence that you see those happily married, soul mate type of marriages.

    Oh and on a side note, I also come from a familywhere my parents have been married for 28 years and are goin strong.

    Great blog topic, Seattle!

  4. The answer is simple. Do not do it until YOU are ready.

    Everyone seems to be under the impression that life will “pass them by.” I don’t think that’s possible. There is so much pressure from society (be it our families, our religious communities, media, etc) to live according to some predetermined timeline. The truth is this. Life is essentially about figuring out who you are and what you’re going to contribute to the world. When you focus on that and are true to who you know yourself to be, then the rest will fall into place exactly when and as it should.

    So instead of tripping about what’s going to happen to you in 25 years, it’s better to focus on making the most of your life as it is right now. If you do that everyday for the rest of your life, you’ll end up in the situation that best suits you.

    That’s just my two cents.

  5. This is very interesting because I am at the age where every time I check my facebook I am bombarded with engagement, wedding, and/or baby pictures. I have never had a biological clock and at the old age of 27, rumor has it I should have heard the ticking by now but I am still waiting.

    I think everyone seems in such a rush to get married because the “ideal” marriage seems so appealing. Instead of us (women) looking at it as giving up freedom we (women) see it as embarking on a new journey. We don’t talk about the day we walk down the aisle as an ending (like men) but rather a beginning of what we have been waiting to start. Also, for the chicks in my circle we have done everything else we were supposed to do. We didn’t have kids, we finished school, we started our careers etc. etc. etc. so it feels like we are hitting on all cylinders and then you come to the relationship, family, kids, marriage side of things and everything comes to a screeching halt. Then add in the family, the grandparents, parents and older siblings and cousins who are constantly asking what is taking so long. Sooo I don’t think you should rush into marriage but I think you should understand that the pressure to be married for some women is outrageous

  6. Vanessa aka Miss V

    I don’t know why men (and particularly black men) are scared of marriage.

    I mean, yes, definitely wait until you’re ready and you meet the right person. However, I just don’t get why it’s such a dreaded thing. This whole fear of losing freedom is ridiculous…. I would hope a dude marries a woman that trusts and respects him enough to let him do his own thing (and no, I don’t mean effing other chicks) every now and then.

    I’m assuming what dudes are really afraid of is being vulnerable… yeah, I said it. It’s a big step to really LOVE a person, and everything that comes with it… it’s understandable that dude doesn’t want to get hurt. But really guys, shape up! We need more black men who are willing to commit and raise a family!

    And I’m not saying that because I’m ready to get married today, but I would hope that I won’t have to deal with this drama when I am.

  7. RightCoastLexSteele

    Marriage isnt what it used to be. Then there’s always the looming threat of having to give up half of what you got if it dont work out. HALF son. That’s cool if you make 7 or 8 figures, but if you make $52,000, I dont know meng…

  8. Seattle Washington

    Ehh, I don’t wanna give up 1/2 regardless of how much I make. I don’t wanna see $500,000 or .05 go away. “Sometimes it’s cheaper to keep her.”

    I’m actually surprised, maybe it’s the audience but I thought I would’ve heard more women asking why we’re not ready (i.e. Miss V). Are more women about business nowadays?

  9. Vanessa aka Miss V

    i’m def about my business, but that doesn’t mean that i don’t wanna get married… someday. i just like to ask thoughtful questions =)

    obviously, the opposite sex confuses the hell out of me, so thats why i appreciate taking it three ways… i mean, threewaystotakeit, for the male perspective.

  10. Seattle Washington

    I feel you Miss V, that’s what we’re here for. We’re givers. On the real though, what’s up with the rise of young women all about business. As my homegirl Steph stated, and I paraphrase, she doesn’t want a dude holding her back. I was talking with a young lady earlier who said she wouldn’t move for her man, even if he was going to make major bank, and detested the thought of being a housewife…

    I’m interested, when did sh*t flip?

  11. Seattle Washington

    I mean cuz, I’m more than willing to let a young lady be my sugar mama. Gives me more time to write funny stuff for folks to go online and laugh.

  12. Seattle…I say that b/c when I was younger and in love a guy was holding me back…not on purpose but because I was so in the thought process of “us” not “me”…now that I see what I can do with just me I like it. I like having control of my destiny…I do want to get married, someday, because like you don’t wanna be the lame 50 or 60 y/o in the club…I don’t want to the old lady with cats (one of my worst fears…seriously lol). I just need to meet someone to draw me in w/ the chemistry, meet my expectations in the other departments the ladies discussed on the blog earlier…and then maybe marriage will come….someday…but I’m 23 I don’t anticipate anything happening for awhile.

  13. Ahh yes, I also detest the thought of being a housewife. I have no bad things to say about people who want to be a housewife, it’s for some, not for others. DEF not for me. Especially considering the financial investment I’ve placed on my education…it’d all be a waste. That pisses me off just thinking about it.

    I had a first date once…terrible first date. Terrible because this pre-med guy had the nerve to ask me if I would stay at home and watch the kids if we got married. First of all that is a beyond sketchy question on a first date, but second and most important…I don’t care how much $$$ he brings in. If I have worked just as hard to establish my career I am not going to put things on hold and be a housewife for years. It may sound insensitive to some but it’s just not my thing at all. Sorry had to comment on that one too.

  14. Vanessa aka Miss V

    all i have to say is that i didn’t go through almost 20 yrs of school to get knocked up and become a homemaker (not hatin’ on those who choose that lifestyle, but it’s not for me).

    i don’t want to be a sugar mama either…. my guy should def be working too!

  15. I wholeheartedly agree with the other ladies. Housewifery is most def one of my worst nightmares right next to old cat lady. I definitely don’t want to be alone forever. I just want to know that when I reach mid-life and old age that I was able to do or attempt to do everything I’ve ever wanted without the burden and sacrifice that comes with marriage/children. To Seattle: I don’t believe there is a huge flip of womens’ general opinion of marriage; as you are only getting the opinions of a small niche of highly-educated, driven, and ambitious women. It should have been expected that most extremely well-read women like the ones who read this blog are very focused and career-oriented. As someone else commented, why invest all these thousands of dollars in preparation for a top-end education and career to end up ironing drawers, scouring pots, and changing dirty diapers? What a waste. Now I’m not saying that’s what marriage is all about in 2008. However, marriage causes the lost of some/all independence and the lost of complete and total autonomy. Marriage means you have to take into consideration the other person’s feelings, thoughts, needs, opinions when it comes most major career decisions i.e. bringing work home, business travel, moving for a new job, working more hours, etc. I’m sure that there are still plenty women who aspire to be the ultimate housewives, soccer moms, and what have you; but with rapidly increasing numbers of women going to college to realize their career aspirations “housewifing” has become much less appealing. The major successes of The women of yestermillenium were measured only by the wealth of their husbands and family since equal opportunity was not part of the game back then. However, modern women have damn near equal opportunity as men when it comes to education and career so we must take that advantage as much as we can. The point is that marriage has always been aorund for women, but equal access to career and education have not.

  16. Sowhatiff Jenkins

    I’m with Yeah Whatev on this one. Marriage is not necessarily on my immediate “To Do” list. Yeah, I want to get married eventually, but I don’t have my wedding cake and colors and all that picked like (it seems) a lot of women in my age bracket do. I’m good on all that.

  17. I just have to say housewifery is not dead. I went to school and got a few degrees to better myself. To be able to live the lifestyle I want to live on my own. But I am not naive enough to think that being a homemaker would be a waste of my education. True, I would be pissed for having to continue to pay student loans but I see great benefit to putting your career on hold to raise a family…look at Michelle Obama. Part of being a wife is sacrificing for your family (this includes your husband). Just wanted to add that because not all educated career women are opposesd to giving it all up for a family.

  18. Seattle Washington

    I mean, I see a lot of folks talking in absolutes. Do you think you have to give up everything though? Could you see yourself running a family and a business?

    Even Michelle Obama still has her own thing going even though he may have sacrificed some things to raise her family.

  19. No you don’t have to give up everything. I think that is the more realistic case is seeing women go to a PT schedule or companies allowing some tele-work where the ladies can work from home to spend more time with the fam. I know I couldn’t go straight to housewife…I could do the PT thing. Right now I don’t think I’d want to but I guess you never know until you get there.

  20. Well. I am actually surprised by some of these post, men and women alike. And I am going to admit my bias as being in the soon to be engaged category. (Don’t know bout you ladies, but I enjoy the trips to Zales etc. to look at what I like and don’t like so he gets it right.) I will say I was never one to do the whole imagining the wedding and the dress and all that. But I find myself there. I have met the man who makes me a better person while letting me be the dork that I truly am 🙂 Getting married isn’t about being on somebody’s timetable. It’s simply finding the person who is right for you. So maybe the issue isn’t that men can’t commit or that women don’t want to sacrifice their careers to be housewives, but more an issue of individuals being closed off to that idea so much that they don’t see/find/realize that the right person could be staring them in the face. Now of course, this is based on my biased opinion. In the end, marriage isn’t for everyone. Some people enjoy their freedom to the point that being with one person for the rest of their lives isn’t appealing. All I can say is I don’t believe that marriage is about losing things and giving up. I think it’s about building on what you have with someone who wants the same things in life as you do. Sappy, but it’s what I believe to be true.

  21. Seattle Washington

    Hey Marj,

    It’s great to have a different perspective on things. Especially from a woman who’s soon to be married. Congratulations.

    Yes, it was a little sappy, but very much appreciated. I don’t think some of us have experienced that kind of love that propels you to build or compromise to do something greater than the both of you. So kudos to you my new friend and good luck.

  22. RightCoastLexSteele

    No housewives, no problem! Anybody looking for a young strapping househusband, contact Seattle, Slim or Tiff for my contact info. CHUUUCH!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s