The House, The Boat, The Car…

Lately, I’ve been diving deeper into the wonderful world of blogs and forums. I’ve read a lot of entries, a lot of ignorant and ridiculous comments, and scratched my head a lot of times. As I sat here wondering what I wanted to eat (Get your mind out of the gutter!), I also began wondering what exactly is it that women want nowadays? And for the purpose of this entry, women will be used to describe females over the age of 18 20.

Remember that song “No Scrubs” by TLC? If not, you suck. Take a look at the snippet below from the lyrics:

If you don’t have a car and you’re walking
Chilli & T-boz & left eye:
Oh yes son I’m talkin’ to you
If you live at home wit’ your momma
Chilli ,T-boz &Left Eye:
Oh yes son I’m talkin’ to you (baby)
If you have a shorty but you don’t show love
Chilli ,T-boz &Left Eye:
Oh yes son I’m talkin’ to you
Wanna get with me with no money
Oh no I don’t want no (oh)

Okay, so the members of TLC didn’t want a dude that had no job or car, lived at home, and probably didn’t have much money. Now how about this snippet from the Destiny’s Child song called “Soldier”:

We like them boys that be in them ‘lacs leaning
Open they mouth they grill gleaming (gleaming)
Candy paint keep that wheel clean and
(clean and)
They always be talking that country slang,
we like
They keep that beat that be in the back beating
Eyes be so low from that chiefin’ (chiefin’)
I love how he keep my body screaming
A rude boy that’s good to me with
street credibility

Okay, so these were grown women singing about wanting a dude with grillz, iced out chains, block party sound system, street cred, weed, and good bedroom antics. This verse didn’t say anything about having a legal gig. Rude boy is code for “I want a rough fellow that will probably commit crimes and slide off, but his pummel game and G game are mean”.

So what is it that women really want nowadays? At what point will concessions be made? What if dude has a job, car, and apartment, but his face isn’t quite where you need it to be? What if you think he’s the sexiest thing in the world with the perfect key for your lock, but he’s living with moms and just has a bus pass? What if he has the house, the boat, the car and some other women too? What if he has everything you ever dreamed or stayed up talking to your girls about while holding pillows…except a piece that packs a potent punch or poor face game? I ask again…what the eff do yall want?!

I would ask the fellas what they want, but we’re such easy creatures to please. Simply stated, we don’t want Noooooooo, Pigeeeoooooons (No No).

Trying to Increase My Estrogen Aptitude,


19 responses to “The House, The Boat, The Car…

  1. the thing is, we all need to stop looking at the opposite sex as some large homogenous group that act and think alike and all want the same things…thats just not the case. some women want a soldier. some women want a soldier, others don’t. some want a sugar daddy, others don’t. figure out what YOU want and when you find her, be what SHE wants. i know its a numbers game, but you cant please all of the people all of the time.

  2. I digs ya comment. However, what we (men or women) need to do, and what we will actually do are 2 completely different things. I don’t think there’s a cookie cutter formula to satisfy the requirements/needs of any woman. I think there’s so much variety from one woman to the next, that Im just curious to hear each individuals view on what they want nowadays. I’m sure there’ll be some commonalities, and irreconcilable differences.

  3. what I want is a man who understands what “personal responsibility” means. Yes, its hard and racism still exists and every day there will be some doors slammed in your face and you will experience some type of injustice but still keep trying and dont give up. A man willing to concede power and let me lead when necessary. a man that can and will read and discuss more than the latest hip hop cd and the wire however he has to be able to do that too…. a man that can take care of himself and is not intimidated because I can take care of me.. a mane who is hard working and determined to make it and does not think he is to good for any type of honest work. A man who knows his imperfections and attempts to overcome them….a man with confidence who dresses nice (dosent have to be name brand) smells good and is well groomed but a little rough around the edges…..

  4. This is a really good question. I am one of those women who realized I couldn’t be mad I didn’t have the man I wanted when I didn’t know what man I wanted. Like most girls, I went through phases of what was ideal in the opposite sex. I also think every girl wanted a thug one day, or the star athlete, or a pretty boy, or some other stereotypical male. For me, At 16, if you didn’t have a car, you didn’t get the time of day. At 20, if you weren’t Mr. So Fine, you didn’t get the time of day. At 24, it was all about finding someone on my academic level.

    Now, at the ripe old age of 27, I realize you can’t have an all inclusive list because you will be waiting forever for this man who either doesn’t exist, or already has a girl. I had to come up with a short list of MUST HAVE qualities that any man I could marry must have; or as my friends call it the deal breakers. Meaning if some man had every other quality but one was missing I’d let him go. For me the must haves are:

    1.Spiritual – no you don’t have to live in the church or go to bible study, just recognize and appreciate there is a God.

    2.Intellectual – I don’t need you to have a wall of degrees, but given my wall of degrees, you must be able to talk with me. I want a husband I can debate. I want someone who will read the new so and so book and then discuss it with me, or watch the History channel documentary on steel, or some other random nerdy thing.

    3.Open-minded – I need someone who will try new things and go different places. Someone who can be cool with someone they may not understand or agree with.

    4.Street smart – this doesn’t mean you are a thug…only that you wont be afraid to visit my family because of where they live, or you will protect me from the ignorant dude in the club who licked my face

    5.Good looking TO ME – the important one here is no one else in the world has to think you are cute as long as I do

    6.Good in bed – call me what you want, but if you cant please me, be out. This does not mean he has to be well endowed, or give the best face; he just has to figure out how to please me and be willing to. This could even mean we go to the “store” together and figure something out

    7.Employed – I don’t care where you work as long as you have a legal job and can support yourself. Yes, legal because I REFUSE to take my future children to visit their father in jail.

    8.No children – sorry this one probably seems unfair on my part but I just don’t want to raise anyone else’s children. I was a step-child….enough said.

    9.Taller than me – I admit this may seem shallow, but I am one of those girls who has the dream of looking UP into my husbands eyes on my wedding day. I don’t want to throw away all of my stilettos and hell I like wearing heels

    10.Car – this is at the bottom of the list because it is negotiable based on the city you live in. If you live & work in Manhattan & don’t have a car that is totally acceptable …if you live and work in Atlanta without a car, it’s a no go

    Even with my list there are things another woman will totally disagree with. There is someone who will read this and think I can’t believe her list doesn’t have this or that, but these are the things I have come to learn are MY deal breakers.

  5. “a man that can and will read and discuss more than the latest hip hop cd and the wire however he has to be able to do that too”

    In my ever-growing blogging career, I’ve learned that my brethren read primarily about music/rap, gangstah tv shows, sports, clothes, kicks, and cars. I think that requirement in itself requires an above average

    “3.Open-minded – I need someone who will try new things and go different places. Someone who can be cool with someone they may not understand or agree with.”

    Does this include non-black activities such as sky diving, bungee jumping, long swims, and rock climbing?

  6. slim…yes, yes, yes and yes! those are all things I have either done, or want to do one day.

  7. In my ever-growing blogging career, I’ve learned that my brethren read primarily about music/rap, gangstah tv shows, sports, clothes, kicks, and cars. I think that requirement in itself requires an above average

    LOL exactly

  8. Well Insomnia, I guess that rules me I might climb some rocks indoors though.

  9. WithRainbowSprinkles

    I want what Insomnia wants….

  10. Ditto, Insomnia’s got it right.

    However, I will have to add CLEAN and well dressed.

  11. Slim, at least you would think about climbing rocks indoors, thats a start!

    Rainbow & Belle, thanks for making me feel my list is valid b/c with the men I’ve met you’d think this list was full of impossibilities.

    As for the clean & well dressed – i will have to add that to the list I didn’t know there were grown men who are dirty and unkempt. LOL

  12. “All I need is a partner to play spades with the cards up, ALL TRUST!”
    – Hov

    First and foremost I’m looking for someone who can be my partner and just rock with me.

    My mom was a barber/hairstylist and owned her own shop so I grew up hanging out in a barbershop with a bunch of niggas dudes so I curse, I drink beer, and giggle like a 12 yr old when white people call men named Richard, “Dick”. It’s been my experience that men are cool w/ me being their homegirl, or even their homeyloverfriend, not their girl. I’ve been told that my bullshit meter is too finely tuned and so men see that from a mile away and go running in the opposite direction.

    Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a total tomboy. I subscribe to Vogue, I can’t take a weekend trip without packing 5 pairs of shoes and I watch the Hills… faithfully.

    Basically what I’m looking for is someone who’s comfortable spending time with me whether we’re watching cartoons in sweats on a Saturday or I’m making us late for our dinner reservations because I can’t get my bangs to curl right.

    I want someone who can let their guard down and be real with me. I don’t want to date your representative, I want to date you. Just because the last chick gave you drama because you like to go to the “shake joint” with your boys doesn’t mean I will. I want someone who accepts me flaws and all. I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.

    There are deal breakers… no guns, no dealing, you have to be able to move in different social circles, you MUST have a job, and you can’t take longer in the mirror than I do.

    In bed you have to be able to better than I could do by myself. As far as looks, I find personality more attractive than anything else. If your personality sucks you can go from Fine to Flavor Flav very quickly.

  13. Vanessa aka Miss V

    Here’s my simple (or not so simple) list of things qualities my dude must have:

    1. Intelligence (which is measured by how many degrees he has… a college degree is a must!)
    2. A decent job (hopefully he makes as much or more than me)
    3. Physical attraction (he doesn’t have to be the next Tyson or Denzel, as long as he’s good looking to me)
    4. Ability to engage me in conversation (I’m a chatterbox, so I need a dude who can keep up)
    5. Gets along with my family
    6. Spontaneous romantic (I’d love to date a guy who surprises me, and does sweet things every now and then… this quality is very RARE so it’s not a dealbreaker).
    7. Doesn’t have an issue with relationships (for some reason, the dudes I date have an issue with being a boyfriend, but don’t mind “talking”… wtf??)

  14. I am like a lot of the ladies commenting I used to have a long list of specifications and when I realized shit I am coming up short I started thinking about the basics.
    1. Intelligence, there is nothing worse than not being able to have a conversation with some because there wolrd orbit does not surpass ESPN, MTV, BET and PS3

    2. Employment, I have to say please be legally employed… Its just.. soo wrong to date a grown ass man who can see beyond hustle nomics.. negative

    3.Physical Attraction.. this is a no brainer.. But there are exceptions sometimes, people grow on you and there imperfections fad

    4. Sex.. to the lady who stated you have to be able to better than me AMEN….. I am not oppossed to teaching you a thing or two, but it cant be horrible…..

    5.Drama…. I prefer someone who likes to keep it to a minimum…. I dont want your ex/baby mama. insert whoever here.. calling and harrassing me, slashing tires.. There will be none of that

    6. Ambition… I dont want some one who is too complacent have goals, a dreamm be working at accomplishing something…..

    7.Appearance, please dress decent have a little swagger.

    8. Common Sense… some people just dont have it….
    Mainly just someone who is down to earth, kind, compassionate, open minded ….we can work with the rest…

  15. Wow. I learned a lot today. I think any men following this blog learned a lot today if they read the comments of our female contingent. I am declaring this my most successful blog entry thus far on Three Ways! lol. Didn’t see any thug or rebel lovers. I don’t think anybody really asked for anything unreasonable…to me. Well, that sky diving and stuff is still out of my league. But hey, you win some and you lose some.

    By the way Insomnia, there are plenty of grown ass men that smell like grown ass. I sit next to them on the train allllll the time.

  16. This is deep. I wonder if women only figure this out when they get older, cause I know most of the women I’ve talked to in the 19-22 range didn’t put together lists like these.

  17. The lists the ladies put together are great. I am 23 and I have learned that having lists to check off doesn’t work, but the basics such as the ones listed above are non-negotiable at times. However, a MAJOR one I didn’t see for me is chemistry…what I mean by that is that I generally get a feeling the first or second time I have a conversation with someone (I say someone because I get the friend chemistry when I meet new people too). But you know when you meet someone and you feel like you connected immediately, like you can talk to them all day and night and not get bored. I need that. Above all else, I need that. I need to be physically, emotionally, and mentally drawn to the person and yes employment, intelligence, drive/initiative, common sense, respect, etc all of that is important but if I don’t feel some kind of draw to you, what is the point?

    Reason I say this is a year or so ago while looking for a man to fit the checklist, I met a man who had some of the checks, but missed a few key ones…however everytime we talked I was more and more drawn to him. The other things didn’t matter as much the more I got to know his personality. In the end we ended up being great friends, but to me I think that is essential.

  18. Most of the comments before have summed up the basic criteria pretty well.
    In response to Ironman, these lists come as a result of enough experience with what you don’t want.
    I definitely agree with Steph, chemistry is number one!


    This concept is multi-fold and includes financial, physical, and even emotional security. Most have already hit the financial security thing on the head (e.g., education, employment, etc.), so no need to elaborate more.

    With regard to physical security, I want someone with whom I can feel completely safe. I want to feel protected. I want to know that if we’re about to get jacked, he aint screaming louder than me and can actually comfort me after the fact. I don’t know about some of you, but the feeling of a man pulling me close and holding me tight in his manly arms makes me feel oh so…safe. I need that.

    Emotional security is actually two-fold. On one hand (and this may just be me cuz I have trust issues), I need a man I can trust. I’m not one to hold the past against you, but knowing you stepped out on your last girl is not a good start. I’m not the stalker insecure type, but I do need to feel secure within our relationship. This just means be respectful of our relationship and simply let your CAFF people know whats good so as to avoid any unnecessary conversations.

    When I decide to be in a relationship with someone, I’m entrusting my insecurities, my vulnerabilities, and, most importantly, my heart. So when I love, I love hard. He’ll feel my love in everything I do and everything I say. I need that to be reciprocated. Perhaps not to the extent that I’m expressive, but at least let me know that I’m not the only one giving my all. I’m all in, so he should be, too.

    Overcoming an emotional security breach is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to experience. So yea…if I can’t trust you with our relationship and my emotions, that’s a deal breaker.

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