8 Things That Make You Look Insecure

I’m not talking about the type of insecurity that is rooted in proof of prior dirt (e.g. He’s cheated before) or indications that he is currently getting cutty (pronounced buns) from elsewhere. I am referring to the type of insecurity that causes a woman to doubt how great she is, or calls into question a man’s expressed commitment to her. At times, we all have these moments. Maybe you’ve been hurt before. Maybe you have had experiences that did a number on how you value yourself. However, if you do any combination of these things on the regular, or anytime the opportunity presents itself, there may be other issues at play.

1. Checking his cellphone

Unless you are receiving calls on his phone, curiosity needn’t be this strong. Running through text messages, and incoming and outgoing calls just to see what’s up is suss (pronounced “suspect”). You may mess around and find something you didn’t want to see, or just as bad, something that you can misread and blow out of proportion, leading him to give you a firm shaking talking-to.

2. Asking mad (a lot of) questions

Where you going? Who you going with? Who’s gonna be there? What time are you coming back? Add the 150 watt bulb, and telephone book and you have a good old fashioned police interrogation. No one likes to be questioned, especially when there is a tone of doubt.


3. Trying to hack into email and facebook accounts/Asking for passwords

Its one thing if you already have his passwords because he needed you to check something for him, (or if he happens to leave his account open on your comp), but its another to try and figure them out and snoop around. Shh…can you hear that? It sounds like mistrust!

4. Over thinking everything

This a reoccurring theme with women. Because he didn’t respond to your text, email or IM instantaneously, doesn’t mean he’s creeping. Or sometimes, he actually means just what he says.

5. Doubting your place in his life

If he tells you that you mean the world to him, why not believe him. Barring him being one of those sleezy dudes that spits game at the rate at which he exhales, you questioning his honestly may result in you pushing him further away.

6. Wanting to be with him 24/7

There is nothing wrong with wanting to spend time alone with him. However outside of the warm and cuddly feeling he gives up, if your objective is just to be able to keep tabs on him…fall back.

7. Keeping your friends all in the mix

This is a fine line for women. It seems that by nature, we are inclined to consult with our home girls for a variety reasons: “which shoes should I wear?” “Should I get this dress or this sweater?” “How do I handle this?” This last question is where things get sticky. While it is good to have the perspectives of your friends, telling them every detail of your relationship, and letting them dictate your actions in your relationship, is an issue.

8.  Neediness

Ah yes, neediness.  There is a paper thin line between being a woman that likes to lean on her man, and needing him to do everything for you.  We all know that men need want their egos stroked and caressed like the shaft of a big, long…shot gun, but when you’re whiny, and play the broad damsel in distress role all the time, you’re probably more annoying than anything else.

Final Thoughts

Unfortunately, many insecurities do not manifest themselves consciously. And while they may have tangible consequences, we are often unaware of what they are, or how the come across to others.  It takes some real introspection to see what message you are sending via your actions. And this self reflection is not easy to achieve by any means. However, the effort it takes to stop, and listen to yourself (albeit sometimes after you have already done something crazy), does more than improve your relations with the opposite sex. Hopefully you will gain some insight into the sources of your craziness insecurity, and can get to improving relations with yourself.  Pause.

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14 responses to “8 Things That Make You Look Insecure

  1. WithRainbowSprinkles

    Hit the nail on the head, yet again. Honestly, even after being “cheated on” in a relationship, I still feel it’s best for my sanity to just be secure in myself and trust my mate. If I wanted to do all that I would’ve opted for the police academy rather than graduate school. Whatever will be, will be and quite frankly, I’ve got better things to do than play detective. And while the two don’t necessarily go together–> Trust God and Wrap it Up!

  2. I’ve always been a believer that if one searches and/or interrogates long enough, they will find something to run with. It’s like S&M though. All that hard work and stress just to punish yourself in the end. Women (or men) will find something after months of Operation Snoopinfind, then go nuts with the “I knew it!” Did anyone ever think that the doubt and detective work is what pushed your significant other away? Sounds like a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. Good post

  3. I will say this. I am not the insecure type..I’ve really never been, yet recently I found myself sitting in front of the person I was with’s e-mail inbox. From that I found out he was married. MARRIED. That I think was just following my female intuition.

  4. @Slim-I would say that my intuitions didn’t push him away because when I started asking he started getting closer and closer, doing everything for me, and wanting sex more often…Yeah…seee….I was keeping in my pocket but I was watching.

  5. Eek. Being married is pretty serious. That leading a double life business is hard work. I’ve seen enough Lifetime movies to know that. But yeah, there are times to be suspicious. I was referring to people who spend months searching for something. Sitting at a dude’s computer sweating and shaking every time they go through his stuff. That’s a different breed than the situation you are referring to.

  6. Well Sh*T don’t stink unless you step in it….My thing is that some people go in their partners ish just so that they can feel good about their own cheating ….Like I knew it the damn Hoe…Now I going to Bang my other Joint brain out just because……Just a Thought

  7. InsightfullyBlunt

    LOL, “firm shaking”…

    Those that are insecure need to simply be alone. Work on yourself by yourself and then you can look forward to being with another. Insecurity has to do with personal feelings and reactions to past or present occurences. Now when you are ready to be with another that does not mean said person won’t screw you over, but if you have worked on you, you will get through it, move on, and try again. “Dust ya self off and try again”–Aaliyah

    Note: Don’t let insecurity be the reason your relationship fails, plus it just ain’t attractive

  8. yeah, see..I ain’t about to sit at nobody’s computer and search for a damned thing…not over months…i’m either gonna get it quick or not at all

  9. My mantra is “If you go looking, you WILL find something.” When women become all stalkerish by checking their men’s emails, phone, pockets, drawers etc., it is ridiculous. If you have to do ALL that to ensure that your man ain’t cheating (which he still can be despite your pat down), then there is no reason for you to be with him.

  10. Quality post, Tiff. Ditto to Insightfully Blunt: The insecurities of a person stem from internal issues that they have with themselves and past situations. I happen to think that Trust should be the foundation of every real relationship. (I say “real” cuz we all know bout them play-play ones.) If you don’t have Trust, you really don’t have much.

  11. Apparently there’s a more efficient, technologically advanced way to confirm one’s suspicions. Adding to the whole seek and ye shall find theory, I thought I’d share this little tid-bit:

    My cousin just put her husband out. She caught him creepin. Wanna know how? Sprint family locator…

  12. Sowhatiff Jenkins

    Whoa!! If you are going to creep, you gotta be smarter than Mr. Kilpatrick…not to say that I condone it or anything…just saying.

  13. Sprint Family Locator? Wow. That’s a hell of a lot cheaper than putting a bug under his car or in his watch. She should have just called Cheaters and appeared with the camera crew. But wait a second…just cuz he was at someone’s house doesn’t mean he was sliding…unless the family locator showed rhythmic movements lasting over 30 seconds .

  14. Oh no…the locator was not the end-all-be-all. Homegurl drove to the spot and waited outside. Caught homeboy coming out of other chick’s project house. Showdown…

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