I’m not talking about the type of insecurity that is rooted in proof of prior dirt (e.g. He’s cheated before) or indications that he is currently getting cutty (pronounced buns) from elsewhere. I am referring to the type of insecurity that causes a woman to doubt how great she is, or calls into question a man’s expressed commitment to her. At times, we all have these moments. Maybe you’ve been hurt before. Maybe you have had experiences that did a number on how you value yourself. However, if you do any combination of these things on the regular, or anytime the opportunity presents itself, there may be other issues at play.
1. Checking his cellphone
Unless you are receiving calls on his phone, curiosity needn’t be this strong. Running through text messages, and incoming and outgoing calls just to see what’s up is suss (pronounced “suspect”). You may mess around and find something you didn’t want to see, or just as bad, something that you can misread and blow out of proportion, leading him to give you a firm shaking talking-to.
2. Asking mad (a lot of) questions
Where you going? Who you going with? Who’s gonna be there? What time are you coming back? Add the 150 watt bulb, and telephone book and you have a good old fashioned police interrogation. No one likes to be questioned, especially when there is a tone of doubt.
3. Trying to hack into email and facebook accounts/Asking for passwords
Its one thing if you already have his passwords because he needed you to check something for him, (or if he happens to leave his account open on your comp), but its another to try and figure them out and snoop around. Shh…can you hear that? It sounds like mistrust!
4. Over thinking everything
This a reoccurring theme with women. Because he didn’t respond to your text, email or IM instantaneously, doesn’t mean he’s creeping. Or sometimes, he actually means just what he says.
5. Doubting your place in his life
If he tells you that you mean the world to him, why not believe him. Barring him being one of those sleezy dudes that spits game at the rate at which he exhales, you questioning his honestly may result in you pushing him further away.
6. Wanting to be with him 24/7
There is nothing wrong with wanting to spend time alone with him. However outside of the warm and cuddly feeling he gives up, if your objective is just to be able to keep tabs on him…fall back.
7. Keeping your friends all in the mix
This is a fine line for women. It seems that by nature, we are inclined to consult with our home girls for a variety reasons: “which shoes should I wear?” “Should I get this dress or this sweater?” “How do I handle this?” This last question is where things get sticky. While it is good to have the perspectives of your friends, telling them every detail of your relationship, and letting them dictate your actions in your relationship, is an issue.
Ah yes, neediness. There is a paper thin line between being a woman that likes to lean on her man, and needing him to do everything for you. We all know that men need want their egos stroked and caressed like the shaft of a big, long…shot gun, but when you’re whiny, and play the broad damsel in distress role all the time, you’re probably more annoying than anything else.
Unfortunately, many insecurities do not manifest themselves consciously. And while they may have tangible consequences, we are often unaware of what they are, or how the come across to others. It takes some real introspection to see what message you are sending via your actions. And this self reflection is not easy to achieve by any means. However, the effort it takes to stop, and listen to yourself (albeit sometimes after you have already done something crazy), does more than improve your relations with the opposite sex. Hopefully you will gain some insight into the sources of your craziness insecurity, and can get to improving relations with yourself. Pause.