Milk in their Coffee? How About Chocolate Milk?

By Slim Jackson

Sowhatiff made you take it, so now it’s my turn to give it to you. It only hurts for a second. Pause…and breath…and Pause.

To date, I haven’t been a man that discriminates. Though I’ve refined my taste like a triple distilled vodka, I still don’t pay too much attention when I see an interracial couple. Black Guy with a White Girl? It’s whatever. Appears to be pretty common. White Guy with a Black Girl, ehh…maybe she gave up hope, was adopted by white parents, or went to a very liberal college, but that’s OK as well. I was in NYC recently and noticed an abnormally large number of interracial couples. Yes, NYC is huge. It is indeed a melting pot. But when I walk less than a half mile and see 5 interracial couples, I do wonder what’s changed over the years.

One thing that has gotten to me is the level of attention and unpleasantries that Black men receive from Black women when they date White/anything other than Black or Hispanic. Sowhatiff has already introduced the subject. Special thanks to her for that. But honestly, what’s the big deal? Most of us, male and female from wherever, want to find somebody that we love and can vibe with. We don’t want to come home and fight everyday with our significant other. That’s simply not the move. Lets face it. Men naturally have more options. That’s not even a horse worth beating while it lays on the ground twitching and etching closer to being reunited with its family in that big farm in the sky. It’s only natural that we will see what’s swimming in the sea, because more times that not, we can do what we want. Women can exercise these same rights if they/you so choose, but for whatever reason don’t. I guess it has something to do with self-preservation of one’s people? But even that is beside the point. I wanted to take some time to refute a few misconceptions.

“A Black man that dates anything else is lookin’ for the easy way out.”

I’ve heard this one many times. Even Sowhatiff has had the thought cross her mind. The logic is inherently negative. Anyone who says this is conceding that Black women are more difficult to deal with, and that it takes a real man to forge a long lasting relationship with a Strong Black woman (You’d think Barack would have bigger muscles and chest hair given who his wife is). Who wants to enter a relationship knowing it’s going to be a Siberian Death Match before one sees the silver lining? It shouldn’t start off as an uphill battle, and if it does, it’ll probably go downhill pretty quickly. That whole “he ain’t a real man” logic is bogus ladies. You need to erase it from your database. We just want to be happy like you do, and not limit ourselves in the process if we should decide to date elsewhere. No, you don’t have to do our laundry, but Katie and Becky are willing to help us maintain a tidy apartment (Who said stereotypes couldn’t be fun when used properly?)

“That n*gga ain’t really Black. Must be from the ‘burbs. Carlton Banks lookin muhfugga”

We’re a product of our environment. If a Black man should happen to be from the suburbs and frequently dates outside of his race, it’s possible that it’s because that’s what he knows. It probably means his parents are fairly successful in whatever they do. You know that if you were married and making the big bucks, you would not be livin’ in the hood. Let’s be real. Your kids would be in a good school and you would have to ingrain “find someone who looks like you” from a young age and hope they stick to it. And any time you try to beat something into a kid’s head, you always run the risk of having them rebel. i.e. Julie with the racist father sneaks off with young Alonzo late in the night for a hotel party. Alonzo is later arrested in Georgia for statutory rape.

“He doesn’t really think that he’s Black. He needs to recognize where he came from.”

This one is kind of a rehash of the first and 2nd points. Difference is what people perceive his standpoint to be, compared to what others think of him. Who you date is not a representation of what you think of your race. It doesn’t matter if you’re a professional athlete, actor, model, lawyer, doctor, or whatever. This isn’t to say that when Black men become successful (How do we define success for that matter?) they all go straight for the White women. It happens that way sometimes, and I know better than to won’t speak on that. However, I can say that social status changes who you are around on a regular basis. Consequently, if you are highly successful and are constantly surrounded by successful people, you will probably have an interest in one of them regardless of race. And before you start trippin’, yes…there are a lot of successful Black women out there who deserve exquisite treatment. I appreciate your hard work. I did watch Something New.

My word count for this entry is gettin’ out of control. If you don’t agree with me, fine. Voice it in your comments. Slim Jackson is only one man. Hopefully you can appreciate my perspective. If not, I know where to find someone who doesn’t look like me that will…just kidding. Luv ya!

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19 responses to “Milk in their Coffee? How About Chocolate Milk?

  1. “Women can exercise these same rights if they/you so choose, but for whatever reason don’t.”

    The following statement is not supported by statistics (yet) and is subject to scrutiny, but I’ma say it anyway:

    A White woman is more likely to date a Black man than a White man is to date a Black Woman.

    The end.

  2. Seattle Washington

    Nyela,

    Since there is no statistic to prove that, sorry to say it can’t be “The End”. Shoot it’s our blog, we can’t give up the last word that easily. Here’s a question for you…

    If Black women showed interest in dating White men, do you think that those “statistics” would become more even? Holla at me, I know some guys who would like to be that cream in your coffee.

    And now…back to watching the milk in Bill’s coffee speak at the DNC.

    Seattle

  3. This article should prove interesting given the subject…

    http://www.diversityinc.com/public/1982.cfm

  4. I think social status does change the type of people that you meet. If i had a son and then sent my son to private schools his whole life where they weren’t that many black girls.

    I cant get mad when he comes home at a older age dating a white woman. That what he knows, that is what he is going to be comfortable with. So i cant sit there now and be upset about it.

    Nylea i went to a prep high school and it was mixed. I know a couple of my boys who are white, that will talk to a sister in heart beat.

  5. Sowhatiff Jenkins

    “…Who wants to enter a relationship knowing it’s going to be a Siberian Death Match before one sees the silver lining?…”

    Slim, are you implying that black men who date women of other races feel this way about dating black women?

  6. I couldn’t pass this one up. It’s crazy to me the pressure I’ve felt to wind up with someone of my own race. Talking to me peoples, I realize that it’s only partially internal. Momma doesn’t care if I come home with a white girl as long as I’m happy. Pops – well, that’s another story. Growing up in the south, i think that half the pressure to avoid women of other races come from old black guys who almost got lynched and are just looking out for the next generation. And it’s not completely over down there. We still have dudes getting caught up on statutory bs cause they were messing with the pink toes.
    I’ve never been in a relationship with a white girl, but I’ve always assumed it would be just as hard as dating a black woman. Nothing good comes easy.

    Oh, is it just me, or is there a new trend with white guys? It’s seems like them having a thick sista on their arm now on Wall Street is what having one of those big ass cellphones was in the 80s. Only the best can get em’, but everyone wants one…

  7. Not necessarily Ms. Jenkins. It’s just that when someone tries to belittle the testosterone and testicular fortitude of a Black dude because he dated someone who didn’t look like them, I get a little peeved. Just as the Independent “I don’t need chivalry” Woman doesn’t need to go all out for no man, we don’t need to go into a war zone if the chick gives off the vibe that we need to do push ups and deal with extra attitude because it comes with the territory. There’s a huge difference between a complete submissive pushover and a strong-willed but amicable woman. Unfortunately, one race is associated with each side of this coin.

  8. Seattle Washington

    To add on, I’d just like to say that a relationship is tough no matter what race you’re dating. By saying “Who wants to enter a relationship knowing it’s going to be a Siberian Death Match before one sees the silver lining?” think Slim was implying that no one wants to be with someone if they’re beefing consistently. At that point it doesn’t matter if she’s Black, White or Eskimo.

  9. “If Black women showed interest in dating White men, do you think that those “statistics” would become more even?” Great question, Seattle.

    First: While we may not be the most avid supporters of the Black male-with-White female scenario, I know few Black women who are adamantly opposed to dating a White man (double standard, I realize). Of course, many of these women have never dated one, but that doesn’t assume they’re not open to the possibility.

    Second: I have quite a few male friends who get hit on by White women ALL the time (mad thirsty). I can confidently say that White men hit on Black women much less. If it’s because he fears I’m not interested in having some cream, well there’s nothing I can do about that. Am I supposed to hit on him to ease his fear? I think not. Plus, isn’t the possibility of rejection a risk you take when hitting on any woman? Yea, thanks.

    Third: I, too, know plenty of White men who would date a Black woman in a heartbeat. Guess who some of their closest friends are? Devron, Pookie, and Ahmad. And guess what? They still fit in with their White friends, too. When I say fewer White men are willing to date Black women, I’m not talking about the Robin Thicke’s of the world–I’m talking about Corporate Billy and Wall Street Bob. You show me the one’s tryna bring a Black woman to the Holiday party…

    Don’t believe me? Listen to the White man:
    http://whitemenforblackwomen.blogspot.com/2008/08/step-it-up.html

  10. I think I am well equiped to talk about this subject being that I grew up in the projects and went to a Prep school and Ivy League university. There are tons of white dudes that wanna date a black woman both corporate dudes and the dudes that chill with black dudes. However, the reason many of the corporate dudes dont end up talking to black jawns is that they dont know how to approach them. Remember, they didnt grow up around many black woman. I cant begin to tell you how many times white dudes would ask me how they should talk to a black girl.
    From what I know, many white dudes are on that kissing random girl in the middle of the club and most black girls aint on that sh*t.

    Furthermore, the white dude that chills with all the black dudes picks up alot of the black man swagger, at least in regards to dealing with black woman. This swag is a necessity in dealing with the stereotypical, angry black woman. The corporate white dude often doesnt have that swagger and are sometime afraid of black woman and their perceived anger.

    The bottom line is that if black woman want the corporate white man, be nice lol.

    *cedes the soap box*

  11. Seattle Washington

    Very good points Nyela, but as usual your boi has something to say…

    1. If you [Black women] aren’t willing to open up your requirements a little, don’t get mad at us for doing so. We all have the same opportunities here.

    2. The real world doesn’t have Sadie Hawkins Dances so, yeah, men have to still pursue women. That’s a whole different topic, but I’ll just say being the aggressor ain’t easy. If it was, I think you’d be asking us out more often. Just my theory as to why we do all the heavy lifting. And it gets even more complicated when you add in the race card.

    3. Hey, let’s not get picky now. Not every Black dude is living in a suit either as my man Ainz pointed out on another post. Plus, Robin Thicke might be a Sr. Mgr. at Ernest & Young. But you wouldn’t know that because you never gave him a shot. But if you want Wall St. Bob, holla @ Ironman there is a growing trend of Boiler Room dudes with Nia Long fetishes.

    That’s a whole site dedicated to Black women. I mean geezus, I don’t think there’s any Black dudes that do that. If that’s not a light at the end of the tunnel (no pun intended) I don’t know what is.

  12. I, too, am mixed about this one.

    I’m a Hispanic woman and I rarely, if ever, date within my race. I’m simply not attracted to the Hispanic man. Maybe a Hispanic woman but only Penelope Cruz….

    Anyway, I remember finding myself in a situation where I couldn’t figure out why I felt this way. I met a guy who was pretty much everything I had been looking for. Good looking guy, smart guy studying law, well spoken guy, good conversationalist, good sense of humor, had his shit together, etc. but there was something about him that I couldn’t piece together and then I realized: I’m just plain not attracted to Hispanic dudes. I grew up with them, some are friends but to see them like that….well, no.

    I love and date what I want and I’ve run the gamut from White to Asian.

    But if I see a White guy with an Asian girl I automatically have a “Me love you long time” joke pop into my head and assume that he has a THING for the exotic. That bothers me.

    So again, I’m mixed.

  13. People should date who they want. The only problem I have with black men dating white women is when they try to down black women to justify their reasons for doing so.

    I love black men and that’s my preference; however I will date outside of my race if I meet a man who I feel shares similiar interests as I do.

  14. Wow a whole site dedicated to black women, im not sure if the brothers would do that. Like Seattle said its hard enough to date and be in a relationship. So going back and for about what race your dating is too much. To qoute Phife Dog forom A Tribe Called Quest “i love em black, white, Puerto Rican and Haitian….” lol

    But everyone is allowed to have their own preference and should not be judged by that.

  15. Vanessa aka Miss V

    slim, i’ve got to admit that i’ve thought the same thing when i see a black man with a white or non-black woman, but of course i slap myself back in shape since i am also a “HR person” ;)…

    yeah, so the only time it bugs me is when the black dude is successful and he picks up a non-black chick…. i say to myself, “i’m fly and successful, too… he could have been mine!” however, i do understand that everyone has their preferences, and i can’t be mad about that!

    as a black woman, though, i can’t say that i have an equal opportunity dating preference… and i can only speak for myself here. point black… i mean point blank, i LOVE my black men, especially in terms of the physical, and so far, nothing else can compare. but, i’m open to the idea that a non-black guy can seduce my spirit… but he has to do a REALLY good job at it.

  16. “…seduce my spirit.”

    Lmao! I love it, Vanessa!

  17. LOL…Good post. I dated a non-Black girl in college and didn’t get flack for it until she moved in to UJ (the Black dorm). Then some people started hating and got over it. No Black girls in COSEP (for the Cornell heads) gave me the time of day.
    But things changed…

    “Used to tell they friends I was ugly and wouldn’t touch me
    Then I showed up in that dubbed out buggy
    And then they got FUZZY and they don’t remember that
    And I don’t remember you..” -Hov

    In law school and since, I’ve dated nothing but Black girls, so no worries right?

  18. I feel you Gbenoba with the hate. Brothas get the strong evil eye from the sistas when seen simply dancing with non black girl, white women in particular.

    As someone who has dated outside of his race, I have to admit my non-black dealings have been much smoother :-/

    Eh, still love me a Black woman tho! Even with the headaches…..

  19. What made your other dealings smoother? I’m curious.

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