By Sowhatiff Jenkins
We’ve all seen it. Some people don’t like to talk about. Others will rant and rave for hours. Many people have mixed feelings about it. Some folks could care less about it. Our next president is a product of such a couple. Yep, that’s right. We are talking about interracial dating folks, a topic that is somewhat taboo in the black community. Your faithful writers here at Three Ways have come to give it to you raw. Pause.
**Sowhatiff note: I am not speaking on behalf of all black women…just the coolest one ever. My intent is not offend, but to share. So back off. 🙂 **
Hi. My name is Sowhatiff and I have mixed feelings about interracial dating. There it is. Feels good to get that off my chest. I’m not sure what it is but, my blood boils a little when I see a black man walking arm in arm with a white woman. Ok, I lied. I do know what it is. Rightly, or wrongly so, it is somewhat of an insult when Tyrone chooses Kaitlin over Tyesha. In a world where spotting eligible black men are as rare spotting a bald eagle in, say…anywhere, it makes one wonder, “Why her and not a black woman,” “Are we not good enough,” or, “What happened.”
Seeing a black woman with a white man though, doesn’t evoke the same feeling. For me, I am more curious than anything else, just because I love a big manly black man. I generally chalk it up to her running out of options, and stepping outside the box. For her, its ok in my book. (Yes, this is a double standard. Sue me.)
Why It Hurts
I love black men. I love the idea of marrying a black man and being by his side. Because I am a semi-professional student, my pickings are quite slim. Single, eligible brothers aren’t lining the halls of my university, or anywhere for that matter. As such, I already know that I face tough odds. So when I go to Starbucks, or a local night spot, and see a fine black man hugged up and dancing off beat with a white woman, it feels like the educated black woman has lost again. That “so many fish in the sea” line doesn’t fly here.
Sometimes, I want to ask him, don’t you like black women? You don’t want a strong black woman? Can you talk to her about your plight? Then I catch myself burning a hole in the back of his head looking at him and shaking my head and say, “She can have him, we probably don’t want him anyway.” Or I chalk it up to him being a punk, and that he can’t handle all of this woman.
Let’s Take It Back
Its no secret that back in the day, it was illegal for a black man to even look at a white woman with a flicker of lust in his eye. At some time in history it seems (or feels) like white women became a trophy. I remember when I found out that Sydney Poitier married a white woman…boy was I shocked. James Earl Jones. Taye Diggs. Seal. (its ok, you can giggle at that one). This list could go on, but I’ll stop here. Why? Just cause.
I do understand that socialization plays a part. The demographics of the community you grow up in influences your development. The music you like, clothes you wear, the way you speak, and possibly, the types of people you are attracted to, can be linked to this socialization process. Thus, if you grow up around a homogeneous group (or a diverse group of people) your tastes in the opposite sex may reflect this. But for the everyday brother, what happened?
I know, I know. Inherent in my asking “what happened” implies that something is wrong with interracial couples. And this is where my struggle comes in. I was once challenged by a professor of mine on this very topic. I expressed my issues with black men dating white women, and she said, “I am the product of a black man and a white woman. If you have an issue with them dating, then in essence you have an issue with me.” Then I stuttered and stumbled and tried to explain how it wasn’t the same, and I couldn’t. Sigh.
So instead of me trying to figure out and resolve my conflicting logic, I’ll just take the easy way out and turn it over to you, the good reader, to hash it out. Go.