Seattle’s Theory of Modern Day Chivalry
Props to Slim for calling out the elephant in the room and discussing the Double Standard of Sex with his recent post. As he mentioned, the Double Standard segment would be a three-part series so here’s another issue near and dear to me that goes under that umbrella. Chivalry. Most of us can agree it’s dead or at least in critical condition with bruised ribs, a cracked sternum and a slow heartbeat. It doesn’t look good for him. However, the reason(s) why it ended up on life support aren’t as universally agreed upon. So I took it upon myself to do a little research as well as scientific experimentation and now I’m here to debut Seattle’s Theory of Modern Day Chivalry. It states, chivalry is dead because women beat the shit out of it. The End. (Bows to an eruption of applause and snickers)
Yep, check underneath your tims, flats and/or heels ladies. It doesn’t take the squad from NY Undercover to see that you’re responsible for this murder. J.C. and Eddie could’ve solved this in the first 5 minutes. Open and shut case, cue the commercials. What’s that? You need some facts? Well it goes back to the Double Standards of Men and Women in society today. While one gender’s roles have changed exponentially, the other’s has remained the same. I’ll present my findings to the jury.
Exhibit A: Miss I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T
Do you know what that means? Well as my good friend Tiff brought up in a previous post, women think they can, and as I’m finding out, have to do everything for themselves. Which is great. Nothing is sexier than a woman that doesn’t need to rely on you financially. Unfortunately, as Tiff pointed out, that mentality sometimes trickles down to everything else in their lives. Here’s a small, but poignant example. One day during a class in college, all the students had to gather around our professor to watch some hands on instruction. Some stood, others sat on tables and the unlucky few had to sit on working tables high off the floor. After the brief tutorial was over, I motioned over to help one young lady down from the ledge. After all, she had heels on. Why she had heels on in upstate NY during a lab class was beyond my thinking, but chivalry doesn’t know fashion. So I extended my hand, only to get scoffed at. She sucked her teeth, rolled her eyes and hopped down herself. I’m quite happy that she knows how to jump and run in heels, but there was no reason to kick chivalry in the nuts with them as well.
Exhibit B: Got This Cake, I’m Eating It. And Watch Me.
While a woman’s role and status has changed in modern day society, for the better, a man’s has not too much. As I stated, women “got their own” ish now and I’ll repeat, that’s great. Wish you the best. I don’t want us to go back to the 1920s. Only thing I get hung up on is that the expectations are still there. You want us to treat you as equals, well then let’s do it. I’m not saying that the toilet seat remains up and you have to start peeing standing, but picking up the check every once and awhile would be cool. Some do pick up the check or go half (you know who you are, thanks for lunch), but the majority don’t even crack the wallet even if it’s as loaded, or dare I say it, more loaded than mine. You can’t fight for independence and then choose when you want to live up to it. That’s like me saying I’m a free man now, but every once in awhile I just want to crash in a White man’s house and do his yard work because I miss the feeling.
Exhibit C: Forget What I Said, This is What I Meant
Now if you don’t want it, that’s fine, I’ll give it to someone else. Chivalry that is. The question is, who? And more importantly, when? If all of you ladies don’t want the door opened for you or for us to pick up a check that’s cool. Less energy expended, more money in the pocket for an Arizona Fruit Punch and a chicken patty with cocoa bread. But you keep us guessing. We get dirty looks if we do open a door or if we decide not to this time. You may say no and scrunch your face up, ever so cutely, when we go to pick up the check, but then give us a “n*gga, did you forget your wallet?” look if we don’t. Plain and simple, you expect it, but you don’t want it. So, Seattle is here asking for you guys to have a Woman Conference. We have our Man Laws, we’re just asking for a couple guidelines to help us out. We know that there is no simple answer from a woman, so a yes or no with a few clauses will suffice. Thanks homie.
To wrap it all up for you, there are multiple Double Standards at work here. One being that a woman’s role has evolved while a man’s has remained stagnant. The second being that women yearn to be treated as equals yet still look to be a damsel all at the same time.
With all that said, I’ll let the jury decide what the verdict is, but from the materials that I’ve presented today, I don’t know what there is to refute.
Seattle aka Sexual Chocolate