My good buddies Slim and Seattle have done it again. I have been challenged. Consider yourselves served. Now on with it.
Its no secret that men have to put in work in order to get the goods from us. The woman’s objectives sort of guides how and when she gives up the cookie. No matter what she wants from the man, there are things that he can do or not do that keep her jeans limited to room for one. Fellas, if you do one or a combination of these things in an attempt to get da draws, you may expect none. Let’s begin.
1. Keith Sweat type begging
This is NOT sexy and is a perfect example of when the word please does not possess the magical powers its rumored to have. Lines like, “Come on girl, please?”; “Girl, please let me put it in, just for a little bit.”; or “Please girl. I just I want feel you,” do not make you look like the manly man we want you do be. And no, begging her to speak into your mic instead does not get her all hot and moist. Spooning anyone?
2. Being corny
Some women like corny dudes, which is fine. But I’m talking about that corniness thats cripples you to a point where your handsome face and well put together appearance gets overrun by your bad jokes (and the fact that you laugh at them) or your inability to hold an entertaining conversation. This ruins all hope. When a man has an uptight and lame look and feel about him, it kinda makes women wonder, “Could he possibly be good in the sack?” Most don’t want to stick around to find out.
3. Bug-a-Boo status and possessive tendencies
This is more scary than anything else. True, women do like attention. But when a man you “talk to” and/or see on a pretty regular basis before you give up the goods calls, texts, or emails 24/7, wants to know who you’re with at all times, when you’re getting back, goes through your phone, or gets jealous when the waiter says “Good Evening,” giving up the cookie becomes less and less of an option. None of that Ike and Tina over here.
4. Poor Grooming
Some women like men that are a little rough around the edges. But if you have chapped lips, dirt under your finger nails, pit stains on your wife beaters, leaned over shoes, and crumbs in your sheets (if you’ve gotten her this far), spooning will not lead to forking tonight.
5. If its clear you are going to hit and quit
Most women don’t want this. We may not be expecting a ring tomorrow, but we like to know that if we give it up once, you won’t stop calling or coming around. To prevent the heartache later, we don’t just play hard to get…we actually will be.
6. Excessive sexual talk
Every time we talk, it is not a turn on to ask her what she’s wearing, or tell her how bad you want it, especially if she’s only known you for 1 week…unless she’s a freak-a-leek. Then and only then is this likely to work.
7. Your size.
We all know the drill. The evening starts out with some date-ish activity. Before you picked her up, she made the decision that tonight would be your lucky night. You get back to her place. She brings out two glasses of some alcoholic beverage, or red Kool-Aid if she’s feeling kinky. After playing the “Let’s watch TV” game, heavy petting ensues, and she discovers what your working with, or what you aren’t. Sometimes, there is such a thing as too big…maybe she’s scared. And if your weeny is teeny, then…you know the rest. She straightens up, yawns and ends the night. Sorry Jimmy.
7. A pack a day…
Can keep the sex away. Who wants to kiss an ashtray, or snuggle up to a man whose clothes smell like all the toxins they talk about in the Truth commercials. And if you don’t kiss or snuggle, you gets no wild monkey sex cuddle.
8. Boo, where is your manliness?
I don’t know about yall, but I love a manly man. One that exudes masculinity through his manly pores. It can start with a handshake. If I extend my hand to shake yours and I feel like I’m shaking a child’s hand, you are knocked out of the running. You probably don’t like sports either. To that I say, “No nookie for you!” (said in the Soup Nazi’s voice from Seinfeld).
I shall stop here. This could go on for days. Unlike men, there are lots of things that keep us from giving it up. Ladies, I am interested in your additions to this list. Fellas, what have women said or done that left you high and dry?
The Best One Way to Take it,