8 Ways to Make a Woman NOT Want to Sleep with You

My good buddies Slim and Seattle have done it again. I have been challenged. Consider yourselves served. Now on with it.

Its no secret that men have to put in work in order to get the goods from us. The woman’s objectives sort of guides how and when she gives up the cookie. No matter what she wants from the man, there are things that he can do or not do that keep her jeans limited to room for one. Fellas, if you do one or a combination of these things in an attempt to get da draws, you may expect none. Let’s begin.

1. Keith Sweat type begging

This is NOT sexy and is a perfect example of when the word please does not possess the magical powers its rumored to have. Lines like, “Come on girl, please?”; “Girl, please let me put it in, just for a little bit.”; or “Please girl. I just I want feel you,” do not make you look like the manly man we want you do be. And no, begging her to speak into your mic instead does not get her all hot and moist.  Spooning anyone?

2. Being corny

Some women like corny dudes, which is fine. But I’m talking about that corniness thats cripples you to a point where your handsome face and well put together appearance gets overrun by your bad jokes (and the fact that you laugh at them) or your inability to hold an entertaining conversation. This ruins all hope. When a man has an uptight and lame look and feel about him, it kinda makes women wonder, “Could he possibly be good in the sack?” Most don’t want to stick around to find out.

3. Bug-a-Boo status and possessive tendencies

This is more scary than anything else. True, women do like attention. But when a man you “talk to” and/or see on a pretty regular basis before you give up the goods calls, texts, or emails 24/7, wants to know who you’re with at all times, when you’re getting back, goes through your phone, or gets jealous when the waiter says “Good Evening,” giving up the cookie becomes less and less of an option. None of that Ike and Tina over here.

4. Poor Grooming

Some women like men that are a little rough around the edges. But if you have chapped lips, dirt under your finger nails, pit stains on your wife beaters, leaned over shoes, and crumbs in your sheets (if you’ve gotten her this far), spooning will not lead to forking tonight.

5. If its clear you are going to hit and quit

Most women don’t want this. We may not be expecting a ring tomorrow, but we like to know that if we give it up once, you won’t stop calling or coming around. To prevent the heartache later, we don’t just play hard to get…we actually will be.

6. Excessive sexual talk

Every time we talk, it is not a turn on to ask her what she’s wearing, or tell her how bad you want it, especially if she’s only known you for 1 week…unless she’s a freak-a-leek. Then and only then is this likely to work.

7. Your size.

We all know the drill. The evening starts out with some date-ish activity. Before you picked her up, she made the decision that tonight would be your lucky night. You get back to her place. She brings out two glasses of some alcoholic beverage, or red Kool-Aid if she’s feeling kinky. After playing the “Let’s watch TV” game, heavy petting ensues, and she discovers what your working with, or what you aren’t. Sometimes, there is such a thing as too big…maybe she’s scared. And if your weeny is teeny, then…you know the rest. She straightens up, yawns and ends the night. Sorry Jimmy.

7. A pack a day…

Can keep the sex away. Who wants to kiss an ashtray, or snuggle up to a man whose clothes smell like all the toxins they talk about in the Truth commercials. And if you don’t kiss or snuggle, you gets no wild monkey sex cuddle.

8. Boo, where is your manliness?

I don’t know about yall, but I love a manly man. One that exudes masculinity through his manly pores. It can start with a handshake. If I extend my hand to shake yours and I feel like I’m shaking a child’s hand, you are knocked out of the running. You probably don’t like sports either. To that I say, “No nookie for you!” (said in the Soup Nazi’s voice from Seinfeld).

I shall stop here. This could go on for days. Unlike men, there are lots of things that keep us from giving it up. Ladies, I am interested in your additions to this list. Fellas, what have women said or done that left you high and dry?

The Best One Way to Take it,

Sowhatiff

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10 responses to “8 Ways to Make a Woman NOT Want to Sleep with You

  1. I think you should add bad teeth, body odor, predator-like-features, wedding rings, men who are old enough to be your GRANDfather, and street drug dealers….only deal with the kingpins girls!! LOL

  2. For me if a man treats the waitstaff, cashier, etc. badly/rudely this is an immediate turnoff, it generally reflects the character of that person and their general disposition…. NOT sexy at all…

  3. InsightfullyBlunt

    Ooh girl don’t forget:

    *Multiple Females

    If it is clear you are talking and/or having sex with several females, please know that I do not plan to be added as [insert # here] to your “deck”

    *You already have #1

    I will not knowingly be #2.

  4. I think is crucial to expound on number 8.

    I’d never thought I’d say this, but to quote the unkempt former 90’s pop star, Paula Cole: “Where have all the cowboys gone?”

    Granted I’m personally not in the business of getting my ass beat but somewhere in the last 10 years there has been an overwhelming acceptance of the “sensitive” guy. Not that theres anything wrong with a guy who is thoughtful and treats you well, but I find myself with men who have taken it to an extreme.

    If you cry more than I do– no.
    If you whine and complain more than I do– hell no.
    If it takes you longer to get ready than me– hell to the no.

    Sometimes I think it’s perfectly acceptable to break a girls balls a little (no pun intended) If you let a woman believe that she has TOTAL control over you, then you can deem yourself screwed (and not the way you’d want to be)

    I blame metrosexuality, that shit really opened up the floodgates.

  5. RightCoastLexSteele

    G’day Edna!

    So I’m guessing you’re never down for a game of “Just the Tip” either huh?

    I knew size mattered, but I was astounded the first time I was told it was TOO big. Apperantly it causes lockjaw. Who knew…

    Like my man Chris Rock, I firmly believe that a woman knows within five minutes of meeting you whether or not she gonna let you rock. All you have to do is shut up and let her “seduce” you or play the game that is. But I do believe that the most important on this list is the last item. Fellas, with all the bitch-ass-ness in the world today, women are looking for real men thoroughly immersed with manhood. So if you really think having a better manicure than her is gonna get it done, you have another coming. SWAGGER, people…either you got it, or you dont. Let’s give an example of how swagger works. Now this is tried and true priveleged information, so take notes.

    You’ve been going out/talking to this nice young lady for sometime and you figure you are due some pum pum. You guys go out, she says some suggestively sexual things…a bit more suggestive than usual. Here is where swagger comes in. Be cool. Dont bite. Do everything you can to not appear overzealous.
    Ok, now you’re back at the crib. You get invited in. Now, this may sound foolish, but hopefully, you didnt bring a condom. If tonight is the night, trust me, she has an entire case under the bed, along with lube, whips, cuffs, chains and a midget. You guys are going to watch tv/drink wine/talk/snuggle/cuddle. This is not the sign you are looking for. REMAIN CALM. I dont care if she rubs her foot on your balls all night, be cool. It’s just all a part of the game. And you know what, that night just might not be your night. Or any night for that matter. She just might not be the one. But this is where your swagger comes in. Whatever you do, DONT BEG! Cause any G worth his salt knows that there are “a million you’s and one me”.

    Uh…you should add extreme arrogance and cockiness to the list. That usually where I get in trouble, I dont know if you can tell or not.

  6. Sasha Two Pistols

    Yes grooming, which includes teeth, breath and nails, are verrrrrry important. I mean if I can take to time to make sure all three of mine are correct, I would at least expect you to reciprocate that. I can’t tell you how gross it is to see a man with dirty fingernails, that just boils my butter!

    But thanks for the post girl, it was time the men heard our side and find out what we DON’T like about what they do.

  7. Good job Tiff! I think you captured most of the key turn-offs for women.

    There are two that resonate with me: #2- Being Corny and #6 Excessive Sexual Talk.

    Let’s talk about #2 first. As a single woman, I’ve been on many dates, but 99% of the dudes I’ve gone out with fell out of the running for being too corny/wack. And when I say corny/wack, I mean they are too shy, make awkward jokes, can’t look me in the eye, and lack that natural swagger (as LexSteele discussed in his comments). And as you can imagine (and Tiff you may already know this about me), I end up dominating the date/conversation with my outgoing personality to make up for dude’s corny-ness, and this is highly annoying! As much as I like to talk/flirt, make nasty/suggestive comments, etc etc I’d def like to date a guy who has the same comfort and confidence to do the same. And no, the guy doesn’t have to be GORGEOUS, I’ve def been attracted to OK dudes simply because of their swagger and conversational skills.

    I really don’t have to elaborate much on #6, but I must say, this is also highly annoying because dudes seem to fall into this trap so easily. Though I may be wearing a shirt that shows the boobage and/or skirt/shorts that are near sauce-patch exposure, that does not mean I want to talk about or have sex all night. It’s ok to make that nasty joke (if done appropriately, of course), but let’s not make it the center of the conversation. It’s def a turnoff and a clear indicator that either you haven’t had the sauce in a while, or that you are a nympho.

    Also, a quick note about #8- Where’s the Manliness?… As my Jamaican brethren would say, dudes like that are batty boys! Def a no no for me…

  8. It would be nice to also mention “Haivng Baby Mama Drama” to the list. If a potential gentleman caller has impregnated more than one poor unfortunate soul with his demon spawn *ahem* I mean children, you can probably be assured that there will come a time once you fall hopelessly in love or whatever when he will pop the deadly question, “Baby, how about we go Raw this time time? *insert evil maniacial laugh here*” However, I know this isn’t a problem with the obviously intelligent, highly educated, “above-all-that-mess” women who probably read this site. However, even if are smart enought to not end up knocked up, you will probably have to suffer the overwhelming wrath of the baby mamas scorned for shacking up with “they baby daddy while he didn’t even pay child support last month and little RiRi still don’t got no diapers” Then agian, some people are sadomasochists.

  9. im feelin that @yeah whatev….i have no intention of being added to anyone’s list of baby mamas. so when i know that you got a gang of kids and dont none of em share the same mother, that when i know you aint gettin none.

    and in that same vein…dead beat dad status. i cannot, in good conscience, mess with a dude that doesnt take care of his kids. the first thing that pops into my head is, if he’s not taking care of the ones he already has why would he help take care of the one he makes with me (if it ever comes to that, and its ALWAYS a possibility)

  10. Well, I’m positive I’ll be printing this out when I get home from my work trip.

    This is important stuff!

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