After reading a few posts by fellow bloggers (Slim Jackson and his pal Seattle), and participating in conversations with friends about men and relationships and such, I felt moved to reflect on…::insert dramatic music here:: “the independent woman”.
In the last decade or so, a phenomenon has swept the nation…the “Independent Woman” craze. The original Destiny’s Child sang about her time and time again, movies put her up the big screen, and women embodied her. The message is touted all over the place: “We don’t need no man.” This may be true in a basic sense; a woman that has “her own house…her own car…she a bad broad,” doesn’t need a man to provide those things. I am a member of a class of women that fall into this “independent” group; we have our own cars, our own jobs (or loan checks) to pay our bills, we are relatively well educated, and thus on track to have high earning potential.
Now ladies, I’m all for being able to have your own. Lord knows its important. But if we are not careful, we may begin to fool ourselves (and our potential boos) and fall into the trap. What trap is this you ask? The one that says women don’t want or need men.
That’s hogwash. Don’t believe the hype.
What type of women does not want a man at some point in her near or far future? Maybe the woman that is highly embittered by her relationship experiences, so much so that she can’t move on to the next. Or maybe the woman riddled with high levels of insecurity, so she huffs and puffs and walks around like she doesn’t enjoy the affection of a man. Then, there is the woman that has been hurt so badly, that she just can’t stomach the idea of getting close to the opposite sex in the near future, if at all. There are also those who just want to play the single, sexy, and free game. To her I say, “Play on playa.”
Well I’m going to let you in on a little secret…even the strongest, most successful, well educated, high earning woman, wants a man…a man who will make her “feel like a woman.”
In today’s word, women have to do a lot to get a lot. If she wants top notch career, or lots of letters behind her name, she has to learn to “toughen up” and stay focused. She may have to compete with men in these areas. And then she has to date them too? Geez.
As she’s doing all of this, she may develop a layer of protectiveness that at times may keep people at bay. It sorta comes with the territory. But as my friend Slim points out,
“While every normal man with at least minimal confidence would love to have a strong and independent woman, there comes a point where that independent attitude becomes a turn off.”
Men realize this. It is just as important that as women grow older, more mature, and more experienced, we keep this in mind as well.
Let’s see what Mary J. Blige has to say on the subject. In her song, “Feel Like a Woman” from her most recent album Growing Pains, she says,
“I want you to rescue me…I don’t want to compete, I just want to be the only girl that you need…I only want to do what you tell me to…won’t you show and prove…I’m tired of screaming independent…I want to start depending on you.”
When I first heard the track, I must admit, I was like…this a little too much; “Only do what you tell me too?” Whoa Mary. But as I listened to it more, and tuned in to myself, as well as my male and female friends more, I realized how true the words were. Women want to feel protected, and safe. We want to feel like we have a strong man to stand beside. We don’t want to be all tough at work and at home. We get tired of being independent. It’s draining. We want to be able to make our boos happy, while they works to make us feel like the soft and precious gems that we are. ::insert batting lashes here:: hehehe.
Just as important as the words are in stating what women want, Mary J. raises another point. “…Won’t you show and prove.” My good men, we challenge you see beyond the facade. We want you to be the strong manly men you are, trust and believe. Ladies, I challenge you to tune into what you really want, whatever that may be. Sadly though, because you guys are from Mars, and we’re from from Venus, we often speak different languages, but often say the same things. We have a lot learn about, and from, each other.
Let the learning begin. Share your thoughts.
Disclaimer: Yes, I know I made sweeping generalizations. It’s fine.