After reading Slim’s post on the male-female friendship, and noticing the flurry of comments, I thought it only appropriate to add my thoughts to the mix. As a woman, I totally understand the trepidation most women feel when they learn about their main boo’s close female friend(s). Women, as passive aggressive creatures, are quite territorial, and tend to think the worst about other women as it relates to our men.
I am a woman with very good male friends. I go to bars with them, watch SportsCenter with them, gripe about my life to them, ask them for advice about men, offer advice about women, share stories, and all that. While there are obvious differences in the the dynamic of the friendship by virtue of the differences between men and women, my male friends are just that…my male friends. To say that I have never had any naughty thoughts about my some of male friends though, or that I haven’t imagined what that type of relationship would be like, would be a bold faced lie. Let’s not kid ourselves here. There are few anomalies in this sense.
As heterosexual beings with enough compatibility to sustain a substantive friendship, it can be assumed that these thoughts will cross his and her mind, at some point. However, from the female friend’s side (if she is really a friend, and not a woman with a motive…please know that there are posers out there) lines are usually drawn, especially when there is special woman in her friend’s life. From the special woman’s perspective (e.g. girlfriend, wifey, etc.), the female friend is almost automatically perceived as a threat. Why is this? As I mentioned earlier, women are territorial, and can get really stank when it comes to her boo.
I agree with some parts of the comments made. If a male-female friendship hasn’t already gotten hot and heavy, the thought has been probably there…and it probably has passed. The prior existence of these thoughts does not mean that the female friend is a skeez though. Nor does it make the man any more or less likely to dip out on his lady, or fantasize about doing so.
The female friend, again if she is really a friend, should want to be friends with you and your boo. As a friend to him, and as a woman, she wants to be cool with you and not create any undue tension. If you’re a good woman to her friend, she is likely to be in your corner. Its usually not until you start acting crazy in the relationship, or stank towards her will she become the same type of woman you are capable of being. And if you don’t know your man’s female friends, you should be asking some questions of yourself, and of him.
Please note: not every woman or man can handle these types of friendships. Here are some examples:
The habitually cheating man or woman
These two always have some ” reason” to step out on their boos or step into bed with someone else’s.
The smile in your face whilst trying to take your place chic or dude.
This is the person that you always knew had questionable motives, but couldn’t quite catch them with their pants down. He or she is extra friendly, yet drips grease as he or she walks.
The person who is not really happy in their relationship
This man or woman will be seeking comfort and fulfillment from somewhere or someone. This is the perfect in to get it in for the male or female friend. Fix things on the home front to avoid this one. Be attentive and all that.
I am going to stop here, as I’m sure I could come up with like 9.5 more. Shot out to Slim for the post that got this all started and you, the customer fine folks that kept the conversation flowing.