No Girl, It’s Not that Deep


Women have been known to ruminate over the little things, often to our detriment. We read into the actions of men as though we trying to break down the intricacies of Shakespearian poetry. We want to know why he does this, or doesn’t do that. What did he mean by this; there has to be more, right? Here’s a scenario:

Friend 1: Girl, he hasn’t responded to my text message. All I said was “Hey, what’s up hun?” What does this mean?

Friend 2: How long ago did you send it? Maybe you scared him when you said “hun”. Forget him.

Friend 1: Yeah, word. ::sadness ensues::

Ladies, we have all been on both sides of some variation of this conversation. And men, you have probably been the subject thereof. Here you have a woman trying to understand why homeboy hasn’t responded to her text with lightning speed. Maybe he’s busy at work. Maybe he is using the restroom. Maybe he’s in the middle of something. Or maybe he doesn’t want to talk right now.

What about when you meet a dude at…let’s say, the bookstore. You are both browsing in the same section. He speaks, offers some commentary on the book you just picked up. You get a little flustered and start wondering: OMG, how do I look? Is he checking me out? Is he going to ask for my number? And then, the unthinkable happens. He smiles, and walks away.

How about the man that has reached out to you because you two are in a mutual network (work, school, gym, etc.)? He offers some advice, offers you the chance to communicate further via email, phone, or in person. Maybe he even adds you on Facebook or MySpace. And what happens? We ask ourselves a million questions about this man and his actions.

This is how we often create undue stress for ourselves, and in our relationships with the opposite sex, sometimes even before any real intimacy happens (no, not just boot-knocking intimacy). Here are some ways to try to circumvent this.

Check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Stop while you are ahead. Don’t over think. And don’t try to guess what you “think” might be in between the lines. There is a small chance the man meant exactly what he said.

Play it cool.

I’m pretty sure men can tell when a woman is being thirsty (overly anxious). This, as my co-bloggers have pointed out, is not what’s up. It just makes you look as lame as lamer than you are.

Don’t assume.

Yeah, you think you’re fly, and you very well may be. But that doesn’t mean he wants you like that. ::gasp:: He could just be a nice guy that knows how to engage in interesting conversation…and doesn’t want anything else from you.

Think logically and objectively.

I know, I know. This is hard for us. We are emotionally driven creatures. But try it. When you get that vague, yet impactful text, take a step back and pause. Avoid thinking about how you feel immediately and read the situation as it is presented to you. If this yields an outcome that is not to you’re liking, that’s ok. Call your girls, vent and move on. You’ll be better for it.

Thanks for playing.


12 responses to “No Girl, It’s Not that Deep

  1. Down with logic and objectivity!! But for real, you hit the nail on the head here. We as women often overthink not just men, but EVERYTHING and we do need to learn to take a step back and just let be.

  2. Thank you for this, Seriously since I have learned to not be so deep ((read: one month ago))

    Now its like U see a guy and instantly your heart jumps out your chest then 2 seconds later u calm down like oh yea I forgot, I don’t give a damn!

    I am telling you people it works wonders for your calmeties and stress levels.

  3. Amen Ladies!

    Learning to step back and chill works wonders in the context of relationships with our boos, and in our daily lives (workplace, school, family). Practice it enough, and ::gasp:: it’ll become a freeing part of our lives.

    Thanks for reading!

  4. This is something I am working on, I am an analytical person so i read into things people say, don’t say, etc… I find that those times I do sit back and take things for what they are I find life is a little less stressful… I’ll get there!

  5. Naturally girlfriend its a process trust us! But when you get to the place of relaxation you will never want to return. Its not saying you put up with bs, it just helps you focus on whats worth being irritated about and whats worth just saying fuck it!

  6. RightCoastLexSteele

    Uh…not to mess up the great momentum of the sister circle, BUT…
    Yea, he’s definitely trying to figure out why you called him “hun”.

    Guy brain:

    “Why the hell is she calling me hun? It was regualr lingo at first, now I have a pet name. Hmmm, I dont know how I feel about this. This is a slippery slope and I need to nip this in the bud, but how? Oh damn, looks like USA just smacked the holy heck outta China…damn, how’d I miss that game? Ok, ok, ok, pre-season football finally!
    Oh yea…this damn text. How can I ice this nonsense? Did they give Ms. New York another show? Sheeeeet, what am I doing wrong? Can I get a show? Man, F this, I’ma roll up and deal with that text later.”

    Guy Brain in Bookstore:
    “Hehehehe…this authors name is Richard Cox. That’s funny. Well, well, well, what do we have here. Ok, you are wearing your lucky tie, you got this. Dont say anything stupid. Just wait for her to look over and make eye contact….

    Wait for it….

    Wait for it…

    Wait for it…

    Ok, she’s really going to act like she doesnt see a 6’3″ black man standing here looking down at her tracks. Be cool, maybe she’s concentrating on finding that book.

    Wait for it…

    Wait for it…

    You know what…I’m just going to smile and walk away. Time to go home and roll up!”

    Guys think/overthink stuff too…as hard as it is to believe that our head works, it does. It’s usually just filled with sports etc. Only God knows what women think about. I think our best method to solve this problem is communication. Less talking, more communication.

  7. LOL. Rightcoast, you are on a roll today! I hope you keep reading and commenting.

  8. Wondering what is the fine line between ‘thinking logically’ and becoming emotionally withdrawn (to protect yourself of course!). I find that sometimes, dudes like girls to be overemotional and dramatic and when you’re not, they think you’re just not interested…

  9. Overly emotional is never a good thing to most dudes. We don’t like drama either. Well, at least the dudes I know don’t. “Is that your shorty wilding on the phone again?” is a common question amongst the fellas for the dudes that are wifed up. I’ve never heard a guy respond with “Yeah. Gotta love it though!” And if he did say that, it was with 100% sarcasm. There are a lot of better ways for her to show that she cares or is feeling him without tapping into what is often perceived as delusional over-emotional behavior…


  10. Pingback: Are Black Women Really that Stank? « Three Ways to Take It

  11. I am brand nubian to this thing yall got over here…first I am from “The East” which is East New York, Brooklyn. Whatever city you are from, it has its “roughest part” thats pretty much the The East and (Brownsville too!!!)

    Now on to the anecdotal evidence beyond refute and reproach!!

    As for when a woman should break the ice grill….I dont understand why when I casually glance at black women in the most pedestrian city ever invented yall go through great lengths to stop the show right then and there.

    If you see a guy you REALLY like esp in East Coast cities were ya ass is walking a lot more than out West or in the South. (..thats a huge hint to you women from those regions, East Coast women play this role to a flaw..this is your chance!!!!) ya gotta show some interest.

    Is looking at the ground or cutting your eyes a better way to get me to holla?

    Again this is if you REALLY want my attention. Here’s one young woman that handle an opportune chance like a pro.

    I am on a Manhattan bound C train going to work (and “looking” like it might I add). I dont really pay attention to women on trains-cuz yall front as if theres no way you can/should be flirting with a dude on the train-yet she noticed me. She sat next to me despite there being enough seats for of half of China. If that wasnt enough then she put her right foot REAL close to my left foot then-as the train jerked forward-the momentum pushed her into me and her hand touched my knee!! And now its on!

    Keeping it real I have never bagged a black women at the Union Sq Barnes and Noble (that’s when I see yall there, cuz guess what? Yall are not in that store in large numbers…nor the library and yea I got a card!!!!) or Strand Bookstore…dont know where yall want to be approached but the best rate of return is still in the most overrated places…clubs…and yall front even clubs!!! BTW even when talking, if Shorty just KNOWS I’ll be asking for the digits…I don’t. This moment is supposed to grow out of the convo not forced cuz she KNOWS that I KNOW she got a fatty with great boobs!!!

  12. Good Post! Many times we do over analyze

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